I've been thinking of posting this for a while , but I'm terrified of being ripped to shreds (and so haven't posted it in AIBU)...
I have 2 DCs, and fell pregnant with my 3rd earlier in the year. I was super excited, my husband had been certain he was done after 2 and took a while to come round to trying for number 3. My close friend has been married for years and years but her and her husband have put off TTC in favour of other priorities (no judgement) but they're still young. It took them a few months to conceive, and as it turned out we ended up at exactly the same stage of pregnancy.
We were very much enjoying being pregnant together, chatting on the phone a few times a week about symptoms etc and even going for an early scan together and both saw little heartbeats.
Then at 11 weeks i got some very light bleeding and a scan diagnosed a missed miscarriage. I was devastated. When the bleeding started in earnest it was very, very heavy and I ended up in A and E with blood loss. I cried for days.
That was 2 months ago now. I try not to think about it too much, I know I'm blessed to have the kids that I have, my health, my husband, my job etc. It doesn't get me down unless i let myself dwell on it, and I'm perfectly happy to be around pregnant people and babies. One of my good friends is pregnant, as is my sister and a few work colleagues. I run a toddler group and there are plenty of expectant mums there too. This causes no problems for me. But I really struggle to hear the details of my friend's (who was at the same stage) pregnancy.
If she's telling me all about how they're going to the scan to find out the gender I just sit here thinking "I'll never know my babies gender" when she tells me she had a scan and the baby was waving at them I just think of my last scan and how they showed that the blood was no longer flowing around the baby.
She asked me why I'm so quiet when she talks about her pregnancy (I'm always positive, but brief like "oh that's great news! How're things with work") and I tried to explain that I just find it hard because we were at the same stage. She was really unhappy and said well that would always be the case so I need to get over it, she's always been really happy for me when I was pregnant with my other kids.
I saw her for the first time recently and I saw the bump and I just spent the whole time we were together trying not to cry. Now she isn't speaking to me.
I don't want to be this person, I am honestly very happy for them, it just reminds me of my loss so much and it devastates me.
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Struggling after missed miscarriage - help!
15 replies
NotAnotherHeffalump · 10/06/2018 20:56
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