Sorry for your loss. No advice to give, I'm afraid, but bumping this for you.

Sorry you had a miscarriage - there's nothing worse. We had a successful 1st round of IVF, 1 BFN and 2 BFPs with miscarriages at 5-6 weeks. I could cope with the BFN, but found the miscarriages very hard. The only thing we could think of, and the consultant confirmed, was that my eggs weren't always fantastic quality - even when reaching 5 day blastos. I'm 38 and seem to get a good amount of eggs fertilising and reaching 5 days, but only to miscarry later down the line. We decided it was a numbers game and to go for it again. Currently at 5w+4 and although this is definitely the hardest time (it's already been the longest week of my life and it's not over yet!), I do feel like we're giving it a good shot. I hope we both have happy endings!

Yes this exact thing happened to me, apparently it’s quite common to lose at the 5 week mark (hope that’s not unnecessarily upsetting) but then on our next try a couple of months later, it stuck and I had an easy healthy pregnancy and now have a 6 month old daughter.

3 more embryos sounds really positive, Smizzlediz, but I also dreaded trying again (whilst at the same time desperately wanting to try again!). At 38, I'm starting to feel like time is of the essence, so we've gone the whole hog this time and paid for 3 rounds up front through Access Fertility (plus any resulting frozen transfers).

Our consultant did refer us to Coventry for a uNK cell test, to see if this would explain the miscarriages, but the tests came back fine. Professor Brosens in Coventry seemed to think embryos are either 'good or bad' - his words - and most are in fact 'bad', so the body is right to 'get rid' of them. Since then, we've had endometrial scratches before transfers (for the latest BFN and the this BFP). I don't know if this made the difference, but it was the first time we'd had a BFN and I was weirdly pleased that my body had rejected the embryo earlier rather than having to suffer a loss at 5 weeks. The consultant wanted one normal period before we could start again on the next try.

Will you be aiming to try a frostie asap? What timings has your consultant given you? It may be worth asking your consultant about the scratch in the meantime?

Thanks Smizzle, we also had a round of IVF that didn’t work at all plus other complications but I’m still amazed it worked-I hope it does for you too, I would say if you are self funding go to a private clinic not an NHS one

@smizzlediz found this thread after a very similar experience to yours: no heartbeat at a 7-week scan after our first successful ivf cycle. It feels so cruel and I'm struggling so much at the moment and like @notpastaagain swinging wildly between never wanting to go through this again and feeling an urgent need to get back out there. I know this thread is not new and I hope you are all feeling better and stronger at this point. Any words of hope for me as to when this pain will let up would be much appreciated.

good news Smizzlediz fingers fully crossed for you both

Thank you so much for your post Smizzlediz. That is a really hope-filled story and it makes me feel better to know that good things can happen after bad. Did you have another ivf cycle to get pregnant again or was it a natural pregnancy? Either way, fantastic for you and I really hope you get only good news from here on in.

I got pregnant after three years of trying, second ivf cycle. We found out at a 7 week scan that it was all over, but haven't actually had a miscarriage yet so I'm in a horrible limbo. I feel like everyone who knows is saying the wrong thing (is there a right thing to say?) and I'm alternating between attempted positivity and total depression.

We have three frozen embryos left so I guess our next step is to transfer those but as I said, I am terrified that this is going to turn into a string of losses, which is not the attitude, I know. Our clinic hasn't said much aside from that it was probably down to chromosomal abnormality and that we can try again once I get my period after this, which feels impossibly far away (and will probably be months, knowing my cycles). I was using ovusense to keep track of things before ivf so maybe I'll go back to that.

Oh I do so hope it will work for you. A positive six-week scan is such a great start. Well done for carrying on - I know well how much strength it must have taken.

I know everyone says miscarriage is so common but it feels particularly cruel when you've had to go through ivf to get that far, and also particularly ominous. But I need to think of it as just bad luck and nothing more, not indicative of any terrible, unsolvable problem.

The clinic said we could wait for two weeks and if nothing happens, we can take the pills and if they don't work, go for the surgery. Can I ask what your experience was (although I understand if you'd rather not talk about it)? I really just want it all to be over so that we can focus on moving on but I am also slightly hoping it happens naturally. Not sure why really.

Anyway, thank you so much for your kind words. It means a lot in these dark days! ❤️

Hi @NBparis

I'm so sorry to hear what you are currently going through.

It's a very personal decision on what approach you want to take. I had a missed miscarriage in June this year. For me I had a private scan at 11 and a half weeks because I just knew something wasn't right and found out I had missed misscariage that may have happened about two weeks beforehand.

When I went to the epu they gave me my options and I decided that I would do the surgery as I couldn't face going through it naturally or using tablets. That night I went through it naturally, was quite painful and lost quite a lot of big clots. I didn't look at anything I just closed my eyes and put everything in the bin. I still went into hospital on the day of surgery as I wasn't too sure I had passed everything as I was still bleeding (4 days later). They rescanned me and the sac had passed but I still had a few clots which They recommended taking tablets for. These produced quite painful cramps and a day of intense bleeding and then it was just spotting for a week.

Looking back I am glad it happened naturally but if I had found out when it first happened I don't think I could of waited two weeks or however long it would take for it to happen naturally I would of wanted the surgery or tablets so I could draw a line under it and grieve. Now I have gone through it I wouldn't have the surgery as I know I'm strong enough to deal with the physically aspects even as hard it as it was. However, either naturally or tablets surgery may still be a possibility if your body doesn't expel all of what it needs to.

Thanks for your message @Emsie1987. I'm very sorry for your loss and I hope you are doing well now.

It's really helpful to hear of other people's experiences. I am away from home at the moment, as we felt we needed a break from it all, so we can't go back on our decision to wait. I am hopeful that it will happen naturally soon as the waiting is painful but I'm ready for whatever we need to do while also hoping it doesn't become an emergency.

Oh god, that sounds really traumatic. I'm sorry you had to go through that. It must have been such a shock to be told it was fine and then have it not be fine. I'm still really hoping it happens while we're away just to draw a line under it but it is cheering to hear that the surgery might help for next time, if it comes to that.

I can't help clinging to your story as one very similar to mine which has a positive end. Did you do anything in particular in between the miscarriage and this positive pregnancy test? I'm always longing for someone to confidently tell me they attribute their pregnancy to a certain vitamin or habit so that I can enthusiastically take that up, even though I know most of these things are probably just coincidence. Anything for the feeling of control, however false it may be!

By the way, I can't imagine how difficult and anxious the early days of pregnancy must be after a miscarriage. I hope your positive six week scan is bringing you comfort and I have everything crossed for you that this is it. ❤️

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I think IVF feels like a numbers game from the start and you don't ever relax or feel in control. It's nothing you do wrong throughout but that doesn't help. We had IVF over a very long period and i was pregnant with twins after a successful round of IVF, I felt very positive and heard their heartbeats but sadly at our 12 week scan was told that there was only one baby left - I was on tenterhook throughout but had a beautiful baby girl. 5 yrs later and we were pregnant with twins again and i miscarried one of the twins after 5 weeks but when on to have a son. My son is 5 tomorrow and my daughter will be 10 in a few weeks. I hope that this offers some hope to you. My best wishes for you!

I haven’t had to have ivf. I was the wrong side of 35, smoked, high pressure job, drank like a fish, never had time to relax, ate the wrong things at the wrong times ........but DH only had to come near me and I fell pregnant. Two miscarriages (8 wk and 10 wk) , one nearly FT still birth later I didn’t think I would ever get a healthy baby.
DD was born 49 weeks after my stillborn baby, at 35weeks. All the way through my pregnancy with her I didn’t let myself believe that it would all turn out how I wanted it. Every day was a day ticked off to get to my goal. Every week felt like a massive achievement. I didn’t let myself dream.
It’s the hardest thing sometimes trying to do the most natural thing in the world - to be a mother. Keep believing. I hope with all of my heart that all of you get that healthy baby that you do desire. I am filled with hope that you will all be rewarded. Keep positive and talk to your baby- no matter how teeny tiny they are. Your voice is what they hear and hold onto xx

This thread has been so helpful for me in what is a pretty miserable time. Thanks everyone for your stories and posts.

I know what you mean, @Smizzlediz, about conflicting advice on what to do. I drove myself crazy for a long time going on various unproven diets just in case. Your take on the miscarriage being just bad luck is very comforting although also makes me panic that I can't remember exactly what I did the last time (can you tell I tend towards anxiety?!).

Anyway, I wish you all the best with your little bean. You're so right to visualise and be positive. I hope so much I'll be joining you in pregnancy land soon again although it's probably too soon to hope that given that I'm still in the depths of this one. 😐