Am i being selfish/selfless? Is this a good idea...

[Maltesers84]

Hi All

Brief background, Me 33, OH 54. We have a DS who is 3 (OH has grown up children)
We had 4 cycles of IVF, 2 Miscarriages and babies lost, OHSS and a premature birth.
After DS was born, i pestered DH for another, for me, as i felt i wanted more to suppress the feelings i had of missing out due to having DS early.
Then, instead, we decided to get married and be a little family of 3, although slight niggles, i was happy for this and really thought that was the final decision.
So, 6 weeks ago, out of the blue, OH tells me he wants another baby.
Im totally on board with this and have started proceedings but i have this guilt for my DS.
Now, yes it will be nice to be pregnant again, to BF as i never was able to due to DS not latching. But we are actually getting 4k into debt for this and that is where my guilt is.
The main reason i am doing this is FOR my son. The reasons are

1. im 20 yrs younger that OH and when nature has it way (if thats how we go) then i will be on my own for quite a few years.. should i fall ill, i dont want to be a burden on just my DS, at least with having a sibling, there will be a support system for him and be able to share the stress of me (lol)
2. If im on my own, Christmas i can be shared between both my children.
3. i dont really want him to be an only child
4. A play mate, to share an upbringing

Dont get me wrong, i want another baby, but the debt thing is making me feel guilty. I keep thinking thats 4K (at least) that could have gone in his ISA account, or potentially he will not be able to go on holiday every year (perhaps, every other)..
But then i think there is some things in life money cant buy.... memories shared with a sibling.

Am i selfish?

No I don't think your selfish at all. I do understand your guilt. I hope to have another DC one day but worry about how DD will react and how it will affect our lifestyle. We have decided to leave it a couple more years just so we don't have to pay for two lots of childcare. But If you think like that every time you spend a significant amount of money you could argue it could be spent on your DS instead.
If you both want another DC I would say go for it

I don’t think it’s selfish. Although I’ve had the same thoughts. We have spent around 12K so far on IVF in a bid for a second child, money that could’ve given us a much larger deposit when we bought our house.

However... I don’t think I could put a price on a sibling for my DD. IVF might not work for us but at least I will know we did what we could. It’s very hard - we feel guilty for spending the money and then guilty for not providing a sibling. You clearly want another so I would go for it if I where you. Annual foreign holidays are not the be all and end all for young children.

Good luck

Go for a second - it sounds like a good idea

In the sense that a sibling worth far more than money imo

Thank you all... i do tend to agree with you all, despite having a wobble