IVF - what did you tell work?

[britchick77]

Hi all,

I've been referred for IVF and am going for my first hospital consultation on Wednesday.

The thing is that I reallllly don't want to tell work. There is an opportunity coming up in the next 6-12 months which I want to go for and, while I don't think they would actively discriminate, them knowing I'm trying to get pregnant is obviously not going to help. Also, I'm realistic about my prospects of this working at my age - even with a few rounds I've got less than a 50/50 chance. So if it doesn't work, I'd prefer them never even to know it was on the cards.

I can't take annual leave for the whole treatment time, but the hospital is near my work so I should be able to pop over for tests/scans without raising suspicion, although I'll probably need to tell my boss something if there are meetings I need to rearrange.

My question is, is this realistic?
Has anyone else gone to work during the process and managed to keep quiet about it?
If you didn't tell your boss about the IVF, did you tell them something else (e.g. just that you had a series of hospital appointments and kept it vague, or that it's something gynaecological?) I don't want to outright lie either!

Thanks v much,
BC

I just said I had a series of medical appointments, which might be at short notice, but not to worry because I want deathly ill or anything. I did take it as annual leave (mostly in half days), though, because my clinic is a bit further away.

I've had 2 attempts this year, first cycle abandoned before egg collection, second cycle went ahead. I said I had a minor medical issue and may need to attend some appointments. I took the day of egg collection and the next day as sick leave, said I'd had a gynae procedure under general anaesthetic.

My work actually allow you time off for IVF related appointments but I preferred not to tell them the reason.
Planning another cycle for the summer and won't be telling them about that either. I wouldn't be telling them if I were (still) TTC the natural way.

The trickiest thing was the hospital wanted to scan me on one day I had an event I really couldn't miss, so they allowed me to be scanned the previous day.

I haven't told work about my IVF. I did say that I am going to need to attend some medical appointments. Luckily all most of my appts happened either quite early in the day or late in the afternoon, I was able to take all the appts without biting into any leave. For EC I have take 2 weeks annual leave as I am having it done overseas. I didn't want the questions and the sorry eyes if it doesn't work

I said I had an ovarian cyst that likely needed removal, but I had to have a few ultrasounds / non invasive treatments first. Had the benefit of (1) being almost true and (2) sufficiently gynaecological that my male boss didn’t want to know anything further!

I personally would not disclose unless you had a super secure job, sympathetic boss and/or you don’t want to stay. It shouldn’t be the case, but employers are horrible at discriminating once you’ve “declared” yourself trying to get pregnant.

Minor medical procedure. For the unplannable appointments I just called in the morning of and said 'unexpectedly I have to see the doctor today but hopefully it isn't anything to worry about '. No further questions were forthcoming.
I also deliberately scheduled two long planned mole removals in the months before so people just assumed it was more of the same.

This is all really helpful, thanks.

I think I'll go with the "series of medical appointments but nothing to worry about" line. My boss is a man so I doubt he will ask questions. However if I get pg he will probably put 2 and 2 together (pretty sure his wife had IVF), so I want not to have said anything that could be perceived as a lie.

A related question: how unwell did you feel during the 2 weeks leading up to egg collection? Did you feel ill or in pain or unable to focus? I don't mind a bit of mild pain/bloating (I get this anyway each month), but I have a really intense 4-day event at the start of July and need to be able to think straight in the lead-up and during the event.

BC

On each of the three cycles I had, I was conscious of a kind of pressure as the follicles grew but I wouldn’t call it pain and I didn’t feel ill. I carried on as normal at work. I was glad I didn’t take any leave because the first two cycles went really badly. There wasn’t any day where I would have needed a day off work, however, so it would also have been a waste of leave.
Others feel different though, and you won’t know how it will affect you.

Britchick you might end up bring glad if the intense 4 day event to take your mind off things. Physically I was okay for work, as Sylvie says maybe bloated, and my boobs felt heavy (probably the progesterone). But I had to be really disciplined to stop thinking about it. If I got distracted I'd get up and walk to printer or something and tell myself to get back into work mode.

I booked the official test day as leave as my clinic request you to come in for a blood test. Unfortunately I started bleeding a few days before this and actually surprised myself by how I held it together and got through some important work meetings.
Obviously I hope this is not the case for you, good luck with it all.

Sylvie I have no moles to be removed but good plan! I did mention my (genuine) back problems so a few people thought I was going to see about that and I never corrected them.

I said I had an ovarian cyst that likely needed removal, but I had to have a few ultrasounds / non invasive treatments first. Had the benefit of (1) being almost true grin and (2) sufficiently gynaecological that my male boss didn’t want to know anything further!

Snowdayfet this is a good idea but how do you handle it if that cycle doesn't work and then a few months later you are doing another round? Do you say they've found another cyst?

I have a job interview coming up and just wondering how I will handle things if I get the job!

I used the ovarian cyst removal option with my work, I actually did have a cyst so it wasn't a total fib plus with each ivf cycle they drained it but it kept coming back so I told my work just that. They've been fine about it thankfully.

Thanks stillmonday it's an office full of women so I'd have to do my research on ovarian cysts to get my facts straight! Knowing my luck someone else will have had one and will be attentive to my story...

I told my manager I didn't want everyone questioning me as I was worried enough so luckily I've not been quizzed that much. Only my boss asks me how things are but I keep it as vague as possible and so far it's not been a problem.

My GP signs me off when I cycle too and she just puts gynae issues on my doctors note so it all ties in :)

That's good stillmonday – sounds like you have a nice manager. My situation would be different (if I get the job) as I will be new and nobody will know me so I worry how I would be treated as someone new saying something (whether an excuse or not) almost straight away?! Will have to have a look and see if there are any other threads about similar situations. At the moment I'm self employed which is great in terms of privacy with IVF but not good financially!

I see what you mean. It shouldn't make a difference in terms of time off but may make a difference with things like sick pay or things like that.

Either way I wish you the very very best of luck and hope everything goes your way.
I've just got my BFP so I'm cautiously over the moon!

Oh wow! That's fantastic news Stillmonday xxx