Answering the pointed questions

[WonkyDonk87]

Hi, I realise I'm not far along in TTC/decisions/life etc as most of you ladies, but hoped you would be best posed to answer.

I'm a 30 y/o woman, who has a reasonable job, married and own a home. Naturally, due to societal convention almost everyone (it seems) asks me when I'm having children. We've been TTC for 20 months, and have had one mc but nothing else. I've been pretty open that it was on the cards, but as the months drag on it's getting harder to answer. My gut instinct is to be totally honest because I can't think quick enough. Can anyone advise a polite way of answering the question/assumption without making the other person feel awful for asking?

In my opinion, the other people have a right to feel awful for asking such a personal question. We tried to conceive our first child for over 3 years. I totally understand how you feel when asked such a question. Something vague and ready-to-say, like "We'll see" is more than enough, I think.

A snarky "sometimes it's just not that simple"

Or a jovial "wish it would hahahaha" whilst internally dying a bit more inside these days

Depending on their tone tbh

I found “gosh that’s a personal question” to be both light hearted and dismissive at the same time and therefore fairly effective

There was a similar thread the other day poster Si1ver had a great response IMO : -

I always like a bright and breezy, passive aggressive "Gosh, aren't you brave to ask questions like that. I'm always terrified that'll put my foot in it with some struggling with infertility or loss." Followed up with a dead eyed Paddington Bear stare.

Not only does it stop people asking me, but I also hope it makes things better for other people in the future.

I remember someone asking me when I was in your position at a work event and an older lady a clients wife quick as a flash said "well they don't come to order" to the questioner. Shut them down perfectly while remaining polite

Thanks ladies, luckily it's Friday and I'm away from the onslaught for a few days. Appreciate you've faced this for much longer

@mommybear1 @Si1ver Is awesome 
@KERALA1 I LOVE it when women step in and show support for strangers like that, brings me faith in the world

It's hard isn't it. I'm 32 and get it all the time. I always opt for "oooh no not me I like a cuddle then to give them back". It's like a defence mechanism... I'm sooo over the top saying no when there's nothing I'd love more since I was a little girl!

Unfortunately I have been one of those idiots who has asked the question to people, thinking of it as just a harmless query. What stopped me dead was when one person replied "I don't think we can have kids." . I kicked myself after that response.

When I was dealing with such questions myself, I asked friends what responses they gave, heres some:

"it's not from lack of trying!"

"We'll see what happens- if it does great, if not more exotic holidays."

Or to the "do you have kids" question:

"We've not been so lucky" which could have a "yet" added. This was a way of politely saying we would want kids but it's not happening and seemed to work quite well.

It was very difficult to dodge the question as new acquaintances, work colleagues, even hairdressers all asked the kids question so totally understand the need to have a response.

People are rude for asking and you don't owe them any explanation.