6 years TTC & everyone around me is getting pregnant! Finding today hard!

[CharChar83]

Hello!
I'm very new to this whole forum thing but kind of struggling today and not sure where else to turn to! Not 100% on the abbreviations so sorry!
My partner & I have been TTC for 6 years now with 1 failed IVF cycle on the short protocol & we are just waiting to start our last NHS funded cycle on the long protocol.
I have managed to remain positive & optimistic in the most part over the last 6 years however these last couple of weeks I am struggling. Even when those around me are getting pregnant I have been genuinely happy for them and excited by the news however recently it feels like something has changed. 2 couples I know have recently fallen pregnant, 1 just before they were due to start their 1st IVF cycle & the other from their first cycle. I'm not going to lie, this has totally battered my head and for the 1st time in a very long time the 'why not us' & the 'what have we done wrong to deserve this' feelings have kicked in! I hate feeling like this because in so many other ways I have so much to be grateful for but I am really struggling to shake this feeling. I honestly don't know how to get out of this mindset and its making me doubt any chance of us getting pregnant at all. I'm sure many people on here will have or be feeling the same and I just wondered how people have managed to deal with and get out of this head space. Your advice would be so greatly received and appreciated. Sorry for the rant but kind of needed to get this off my chest in some way! Thanks in advance

I can't give any advice, but I'd also love to hear some! Been ttc for 4 years and feeling really down and negative about starting ivf, any words of encouragement would really help

Never feel sorry for what you’re feeling. It’s ok to feel angry or upset. Im “only” 2 years down and something’s hit me harder than others.

Just try to focus on The positive and reinforce that :)

One of my closest friends has just an "accident" and she said I knew as soon as we'd done it that we were pregnant. Urghhhggggggh. She must be super fertile as this is her third with barely 2 months trying for the other 2. So yes, I had a few very down days following her announcement. It's hard, you are happy for your friends, but you also feel utterly heartbroken, esp when you WANT a baby.

Oh, OP, after 6 years TTC I’m not surprised you’re starting to crack. That is such a long time and infertility is really bloody soul destroying. You have really been through the mill so please do not beat yourself up about the way you are feeling. You have been strong for an insane amount of time!

I have secondary infertility and have been TTC for the last 2.5 years. It really has been the hardest time of my life, and I say that as someone who lost her father aged 21, my husband’s mother also died suddenly in 2010 and we have been through all sorts of other shite, including our business folding and bankruptcy. Honestly though, my failure to have a second baby has been the toughest struggle of my life, even against that backdrop. (Obviously there ARE worse things than infertility but this for me has been the experience I’ve found hardest to deal with - and I appreciate I am so lucky to have my daughter).

Other people’s pregnancies are really hard to deal with. For me, each time friends and colleagues have fallen pregnant with their second, third etc babies it feels like a kick in the stomach. I feel awful that I’m too envious to be genuinely happy for them. I fake it of course but I have distanced myself from quite a few people, which is so sad. But I cannot help how I feel and neither can you. So be kind to yourself.

I’m so sorry for your struggles and I wish you all the luck in the world with your IVF

Sorry to hear you’re struggling this week @CharChar83. TTC is such a minefield when other people seem to just decide they’re going to start a family and 5 minutes later are announcing their pregnancy news. I’m also having a difficult weekend - found out 2 weeks ago that a friend’s daughter is pregnant naturally jays weeks before they were due to start yet another cycle of IVF and, while I’m ecstatic for my friend and her daughter especially as they had their first scan on Friday and all seems to be going very well, it’s also hard not to think ‘why not us?’.

And then, on Tuesday, another friend told me her daughter (who has to have ivf due to anatomy anomalies for both her and her DH) is pregnant from their last cycle of FET and, her hug numbers are sky high for the stage of pregnancy. A scan on Friday revealed twins developing and they have another scan booked this coming week to show heartbeats.

I’ve found myself really tearful about all sorts of things - I can’t tell my mum what’s happening with our IVF journey or take her with me for scans (as she passed away a couple of months ago); I know there won’t be similar conversations between her and trusted friends as she can’t keep the news to herself if we are successful - everything is just quite pathetic on my part really and I’m in the middle of a total pity party!!

I’m almost at the worst point possible (which is why are we even bothering to try again when it probably won’t work and will just be a waste of our very hard earned money) but then think that just defeats the object of going through the process of all the tests and preparation. It’s not helped that we have to wait for a hysteroscopy now and that’s put our next attempt back by another 2-3 months after waiting since last November’s unsuccessful attempts start again.

for you