Crying meltdown

[ohbigdaddio]

Feeling a bit shit so please bear with me. Just heard on the news about Ruth Davidson Scottish MP announcing she is pregnant through IVF. She is 39. She is very very happy and cant stop smiling. Which, of course, is lovely news...

I have just been crying my eyes out wishing it was me. Why hasn't my IVF worked too? I'm also 39 and have just found out my 2nd FEF has failed. 😔 Haven't been able to cry for days as I've felt so numb so maybe this is doing me some good?

Infertility is so shitty!

Thanks for listening, just needed to get that out there.

I'm sorry to hear your FET has failed.

The article I read on her said she'd had a long road and lots of treatment to get pregnant - it takes time and mostly involves failures before success. Have faith xx

it’s shit when it doesn’t work, cry as much as you need

Look after yourself and hopefully next time will be your success story xx

I'm so sorry. It's utter unfair shite. I'm sorry this go wasn't successful for you

I'm sorry to read your news Oh Big.
Just had a failed cycle too, it sucks. Didn't even get to test date before bleeding started.
Cry when you feel like it, it won't do any good to keep it in.
I think RD has had a bit of a journey, but as with most we only hear about them at the point of a successful outcome. We don't hear that someone in the public eye has had a failed cycle (don't know if she did but you probably know what I mean).

Anyway look after yourself, have you got a partner, or friends who can be there for you?
I've chosen not to tell many people which works for me but if you have a support network use it. 💐

Thank you lovely ladies xx

It was the fact she's same age as me and yet she's got such happiness and I've got such sorrow. I don't doubt that it was tough for her to get there, just wish it was me (as we all do.)

So sorry to hear that JeNeBaguetteRien It is so crap isn't it. You start doubting all your decisions, the clinic etc...well I am anyway. Glad I've had a bit of a cry as haven't been able to for nearly a week.

DH very supportive and I've got a few friends who are great but nobody understands it like you guys do. We just told MIL who is as devastated as we are. Makes me feel awful, like I'm making other people unhappy with this too. 😐

Good luck and love to all of you xx

That makes sense, you don't want IVF not to work for her (or others) you just want it to work for you too. I'm the same, I'm 38 and had always thought I'd have children, plural, by now.
Try to bear in mind that it is not you who have made your MIL sad but the situation, it's an important distinction. She is sorry it has happened to you as she knows you and her son would be lovely parents, and it is hard to watch someone go through such pain as this. 💐

Exactly that JeNeBaguetteRien I just want to be in that happy place.

And thanks for that, too – DH was saying the same last night and I mustn't start thinking like that.

I hope we both get there in the end xx

The day I had my second failed IVF a friend announced her pregnancy, one gave birth and another sent me a message about the birth of her second child a few days earlier. I cried a lot that week. It felt so bitterly unfair. There is no shame in feeling shit about it. Many of us can empathise - you really cannot understand unless you have been there.

Look after yourself.

@ohbigdaddio I'm so sorry. We've just had our ET cancelled on our second cycle because they screwed up my drugs. They say we can do a FET if any get that but I'm 41 and egg quality isn't great - it's not likely many if any will get to freezing.

I know what you mean about MIL. I feel like I'm bringing DP nothing but sadness at the moment. I know it's not my fault but it feels like it

I just have so many emotions running around me and don't know how to deal with them all.

Hopefully our day will come eventually xxx

Sorry so many here having a crappy time of it to say the least.

How are you OhBigDaddio?

Jane so hoping you have some to freeze. I've never got to that stage as with only 2 embryos I had them both transferred.

I'm having a shit day too. I know I don't quite qualify for this camp - I haven't been through IVF and nothing has been found that would prevent pregnancy.

I was meant to start my short protocol cycle next week but I'm putting it off one cycle to allow some time for thyroid medication to bring down my TSH a bit. But what's really hurting is being attacked on threads in conception because they say I don't belong there - that I said someone who wanted to have a feb baby and not a jan baby (was asking others' opinion for a jan or feb baby only - thinking she will concieve in a month) was ridiculous, naive, and maybe a bit offensive. God I know women are cruel to each other, but ttc is so shit why do they need to add insult to injury?

physicskate I initially posted on that thread but after seeing someone say something along the lines of “there’s always adoption” I decided not to go back on. People deal with things differently. I assume most of the people attacking you have no idea of the nightmare that is infertility. Those who do are obviously able to deal with things better than the rest of us. Don’t let anyone tell you you don’t belong in there, idiots.

OP, I know how you feel. When I see a celebrity announcing a pregnancy (or a subsequent pregnancy) it stabs me in the heart a little. I’ll be looking into IVF in the autumn and it makes me really sad when I see how it hasn’t worked for some people. I totally get that feeling though, of being happy for others but sad for yourself. Some people see it as being bitter, it’s not like that at all. Your feelings are your feelings and frustration is inevitable. I’m sorry to hear your FET failed, be kind to yourself

Sorry to everyone going through a shit time at the moment :(

physicskate please don't take any notice of the shitty comments!

Bubblegum I wish I hadn't stayed and tried to defend myself (not that I need to or that I said anything I am ashamed of). I think this means I am no longer welcome on mumsnet. So I guess I won't be here anymore to tell all those silly people who came off the pill three days ago that they aren't pregnant and that breast soreness is normal... etc....

And I guess I don't have a place to ask for support either...

@physicskate sorry to follow you, but you are always welcome on Mumsnet, that thread was ridiculous. As I said on that thread I have never seen you be anything but helpful and honest. xx

Apologies OP for derailing...

Course you do, Kate. Screw them. I’ve seen you about on the conception boards a lot and I’ve never seen you be anything other than informative and level-headed. Apparently I’m being targeted on that thread also but honestly, they’re just a bunch of keyboard warriors and I’m not going to waste my time trying to reason with some random women on the internet who don’t even know me. None of them know your personal struggles. MN should be a safe place to vent, ask advice or give your own advice. Some people don’t like hearing the truth I guess. I know you’re probably not a group-type person but if you’re ever around the Yam threads, you’d be very welcome there. Please don’t let a few nasty minded people make you feel like you aren’t allowed to feel how you feel

And now they're sending me private messages. I have to leave mumsnet. All of this for saying one person was taking the piss??? I don't understand why I am the target of such a campaign against the infertiles????

I wish you all the best of luck, even the bullies.

Can you not report the pm’s? Don’t let some sad cases drive you away from somewhere you usually feel comfortable

physicskate I'm an irregular poster, long time lurker & frequent name changer. I've seen you around on the boards for a while now and saw the thread. It was shameful and appalling. You are being trolled and targeted. Please report this cyber bullying and abuse (because it is abuse) to Mumsnet. It is completely unacceptable. You may also be within your rights to report it to the police. This should be a safe space for all, and the fact some of these posters are targeting you indicates how awful their behaviour has been. Take care of yourself. Infertility is shit enough as it is, without this on top of it

Hi jenebaguetterien and all, I am ok-ish today. Still haven't told my parents about our failed cycle so I do have that hanging over my head though. Also, had to pull myself together and slap a smile on my face for a wedding reception last night...four, yes FOUR, heavily pregnant women were there. Very small venue, felt like I was surrounded! Not what I needed but I survived. Luckily I didn't know any of them so didn't have to talk to them. Really awkward chat with an ex colleague though "So what have you been up to?" (Haven't seen her for about 3 years.) "Umm, TTC, having loads of tests, failing IVF, having an operation, getting really depressed, taking anti-depressants, trying not to feel suicidal, failing 2nd IVF attempt, feeling like shit, wondering when this will all end and will we ever have a family? not much really."

I really needed to cry the other day as I'd been so numb up until that point and Ruth Davidson was the tipping point. Could have been any number of things though...the royal baby etc...Anyway I'm trying not to get to caught up in 'what next?' or 'what if this never happens for us?' and just get through each day until our follow up appointment. DH and I have avoided talking too much about exactly what we plan to do next. I think we are just giving ourselves space to grieve and get our heads round things first.

Follow up isn't for 3 weeks and I reckon the consultant will just say it was just the luck of the draw that it didn't work. I doubt she will have any answers so I'm preparing myself to be none the wiser. Have you had yours jene?

Sorry to hear that Janefx40...it just sucks. This whole thing does! But I hope you get some to freeze when you try again.

physicskate I'm not aware of the thread but please don't leave Mumsnet. I have found so much support on here and most people are really nice. I would never talk to someone online any differently to how I do IRL, I find it really weird and horrible that people are intentionally nasty. Can you report it? Sounds awful x

Apologies for highjacking your thread ohbigdaddio. As mentioned, I very rarely post, but I am very sorry to hear your FET didn't work out for you.

Best of luck

ohbigdaddio
I'm sorry to hear your news, I've been in your situation and it's truly awful. I hope that things improve for you

@ohbigdaddio I know what you mean about having to hide so much when people ask what you've been up to. I feel much less close to all of DPs friends because he won't tell them anything so it's always "we're fine, not been up to much".

Well done for getting your head around it. This is how much we want to be Mums. We just keep battling. We get knocked down but we get up again (wasn't that chumba wumba!!)

We have an appointment tomorrow that the consultant is attending (I'll bloody bet he is after they messed up so spectacularly!). We'll know more then

@physicskate don't go. We like you! And also the yammers group is good for a moan especially about people who are choosing between Jan and Feb babies! I used to be on there before I switched over to IVF boards

Xxx

No worries PickupaPenguino and thank you. I don't know your situation but hope you are ok and find support in these boards (though none of us really want to be here!)

I know what you mean about having to hide so much when people ask what you've been up to. I feel much less close to all of DPs friends because he won't tell them anything so it's always "we're fine, not been up to much". Totally agree Janefx40 l think people must think DH and I are so boring as we often say that to people we are friendly with but don't want to share the truth with. Another classic is meeting an acquaintance I see quite often, greeted by "How are you ohbigdaddio?" - I always say really quickly "Fine. How are you? Isn't it a sunny day today/I like your top/any other random comment to deflect attention away from me!

Good luck with your appointment.

I saw that thread but didn't post on it. I'm glad it was deleted. It was vile. If you get any harassing personal messages you should report them to MN.