Frozen embryo storage ending

[Miracle29]

Hi ladies I wasn't quite sure where to put this or where to start in fact but this has been on my mind and don't have anyone to talk to about it. I have a older child conceived naturally but after having my tubes removed due to an ectopic I had to have ivf. I had 7 embryos frozen incase the ivf didn't work as we wouldn't beable to afford another fresh cycle. Luckily it worked first time and we have a gorgeous little girl. We decided at first that once my storage period was over for my embryos we would then take them out of storage as we were happy with 2 children. I did consider donating them but my partner was against it and after much talk we decided we just couldn't do it. Now today we received a letter saying my storage period is ending in September and we can extend it if we wanted to at a fee. The thing is im too scared to let them go I feel like I'm aborting a baby thats not in my tummy and the babies I so desperately wanted. We dont want another one right now and not sure if we will but I think to myself what if years down the line we do decided we wanted another I'd be older odds against me and putting myself through all that again. I'm just at a loss and don't know what to do but I'm finding it hard to just let them go. I know it might seem silly but it's really playing on my mind. We can't seem to come to a decision. It's like a security blanket that I know they're there if I need them but once they're gone that's it. Please help thankyou x

I've got no personal experience in this area but it does sound like you need more time to be certain whether you will use them. Is the fee affordable?

I think the more you sleep on it the right conclusion will find to you. If it doesn't feel right, then it isn't. Yes you will have to decide one day, perhaps you can try to weigh up the likelihood of use, the cost, the reality of being an older mum etc and find an answer the feels the most comfortable 'all things considered' so to speak.

I don't think you're being silly. It is important, and sadly you were put in this situation because of what happened. Most women don't have to choose to completely end all future chance of children.

X

Yukka thankyou for you helpful reply. My partner is going to read the letter today and well have to think about it for a few weeks. I was so certain that we wernt going to have anymore and they were there incase my cycle didn't work and knew what we were going to do but now the times here it's just such a hard decision. I also feel guilt for not donating as I know so many women out there need embryos to become mothers and fathers but it's so emotional to do that after reading all about it and hearing people stories and plus my partner is not keen on that idea at all. I'll have a long hard think thankyou x

I think it's very hard closing the door on ever having another child. I too am done with two, and frankly would be horrified to have to start again now, but am still dragging my feet over me or dh having any kind of permanent sterilisation. It must be even harder for you, as for me it's purely theoretical future children, whereas yours have a physical form (although I guess that form is just a few cells currently). If it was me I'd probably end up paying the fee for as long as I could, simply to avoid the decision - I'm not saying this is the right way to go but I can imagine I'd do it! The end of fertility is a grieving process for many, those of us who had problems getting our children even more so.

Also don't feel guilty if embryo donation is not for you - how many women would willingly give away their genetic children without a second thought? It's absolutely fine not to.

That’s a hard decision. In your position I’d pay for another year to fully give yourself time to decide what you want to do

Slightly different circumstances here and we have one child and 2 frozens. I don’t want any more but DH does. We therefore paid to freeze for another 2 years. I’m dreading the time being up again.

As someone using both donor sperm and donor eggs (or possibly moving to donor embryos if that doesn't work), can I just say it's totally OK if you feel donating your embryos isn't for you? It's not for everyone, so please don't feel like it's something you 'should' be doing.

Have you guys thought about having some counselling, maybe through your clinic, to help you think things through? It could be really helpful, especially since it sounds as though you have slightly different ideas on the subject.

Thankyou so much for the replies and support I'm feeling abit better about it now. I did feel really awkward writhing this as I know couples would love the opportunity to have children and need embryos and here I am debating whether to keep them or take them out if storage but after much thought giving away embryos is so hard and I do think it would impact and emotionally and mentally.
Persipan so sorry your going through this and have everything crossed it all works for you.
Nanosecond at first when we froze them I was definatly saying no more that's it we got what we wanted and that's it and it won't be a hard decision when the time comes to end storage but this letter has just threw me completely. I think my partner is more so not to have anymore but he knows that's once they're gone.
Applesandpears thankyou for your reply I think that may be the decision we will make.
I do think it's hard to let go and I know if we do let go I'll end up dwelling on it it's just so so hard x

You sound if you aren’t ready to decide so I would pay for another year or twos storage. Think our clinic was £600

I’m totally different then you. We have 3 left but I am happy with our one child - took 10yrs ttc and 5 private ivf

Think age has something to do with it. I’m almost 45 and dd is 13mths and df 52

We are overjoyed to have her. She’s healthy and happy and who is too say that We we did try again if successful that we wouldn’t have problems

We had a choice of

Donating
Refreezing
Medical science
Dispose

We feel the same that we didn’t want to donate. Knowing there would be a full sibling about as obv all fertilised with df Sperm

We donated to medical science. To help other in the same place as we were

I would seriously look at finances and carry on freezing to give you time to decide together

Blondeshavemorefun congratulations on your little girl and sorry you've had such a journey. I think we have decided to definatly not donate for the same reason as you said really. Our yearly fee for freezing is 250. Apart of me is saying we have what we wanted now and are happy to get on with life and focus on other things now such as looking to buy a new house ECT so 2e definatly don't want another at th3 moment but I think what if in so many years time we do decided we would like another and the option won't be there. I tho k it's more me letting go if I'm honest. My partner is happy how we are. Maybe I will look into freezing for a few more years so I know the option is there if I need to x

You can implant at a non viable time of your cycle and allow them to go that way.
We didn't have any left from our one and o my cycle but we had to consider your situation. This is what we thought we might do.
Mind you easy to say when you don't have to actually decide. Donation sounds wonderful but my dh didn't want pur child with someone else...it's v tough

For the cost of £250 I would refreeze and think about later what you want to do next year

Think many of us feel the same. Our eggs. Partners sperm and already an embryo as fertilised

If my eggs weren’t fertilised then no problem having them donated to help other

But obv weren’t

Know several people who used de and they are so grateful that someone did that so they could have a baby

Sunnyshowers I have read this on the internet but our clinic hasn't given us this option so not actually sure if they'd do that but it is a good idea.

It's an awful decision because I feel like if I let them perish I'm bassically killing them, if I donate I'll be thinking about it all the time if I don't donate I feel selfish. My partner hasn't said anything about it since reading the letter so I'm going ask him tonight his thoughts and hope we can come to a decision x

Hi. After my 4th cycle, I had 3 embryos frozen. That was 2013. I now have one left and pay each year to continue. We are very happy with our two children, and I do not think we would not try for a 3rd if we didn't have this embryo, but I can not bring myself to let it go yet. I will just keep paying until we decide.

Can you not donate - but to medical science

So they watch abs grow them abs learn from them

That’s what we are doing

We paid to freeze for another couple of years, even though we're totally undecided about whether we'd want to go through it again. However if we did, it would be nuts to start again from scratch (life impact and cost wise) when we have a number of embryos that could just be implanted (which will also be younger than we would be so statistically more likely to suceed/less chance of genetic probs than new embryos in a few years time).

Wouldn't consider ever donating them as they are our embryos and genetically completely us. Different to my eggs or DHs sperm donated independently. Don't think that's selfish at all!

Also there's no guarantee that any of them would stick for us or anyone else. They aren't babies yet, just a collection of blastocyst level cells that have the potential to become foetuses but also potential to be nothing (as some have been for us in the past post FET).

Rubyboots thankyou for your reply. We always said no more and I think my partner is preferring to let them go. I know that's probably the best thing as that's what we decided after having little one im just finding hard to let go so I think extending would possibly be better for me in the long run. I got upset yesterday over it as I'm just so confused on what to do. I sit here and think we're happy how we are we don't want anymore then I think but what if x

Similar position here...

Hubs has sperm stored that we've been paying for for 4 years. And the price has just gone up by £100. We've got one little boy and very content. Lots to think about, but mainly I don't think we'll be in a financial position to have another child for another couple of years, if at all!!

We'll probably pay until we can't pay any more... feels like a waste of money but it's keeping the options open.

I don't know what to say to help, sorry!

Good luck!!