Can i lie?

[Lavelylashes]

NC for this one as this may offend.

I apologise if it does.

Background. 4x ICSI.. 2 Miscarriages, 3 lost babies but a beautiful 3yo DS.

Hubby has decided he wants another, a year after throwing his frozen sperm away.

Although having proven fertility as i now have a son, with my miscarriages, im probably not the most attractive candidate for Egg Sharing (ive done 4 cycles of egg share)
My husband suggested not telling them about the miscarriages. There was no reason for the miscarriages, a had a few tests done and nothing was found.

I doubt i would do this, as im not sure i can lie, at least not about both of them.
But surely the clinic can find out by my doctors notes??

I would find out if they require your medical notes and if they don’t, I would lie. You’d expect them to be fairly hot on this sort of thing though?

Well, i spoke to a clinic today, and the receptionist told me to lie. I was a little taken back but she told me just to tell them id had IVF, thats it. I asked her if they could find out by my GP notes and she said it isnt what they ask for when they contact the GP.
I know, if i lied a little, i would be accepted... but im not sure i could do it.

I'm an egg share recipient who has had two miscarriages with her own eggs. Please don't lie. I wanted nothing but good things for my first donor (sadly that round wasn't successful for either of us), and I'm waiting to be matched for another round, and I'll feel the same about that donor, too. Please don't lie. I can't afford to keep doing this, and while I might not say no to a donor who had had previous miscarriages it's not fair or ethical to keep that choice from potential recipients. I really hope you find a route to success but please don't lie. Please.

Please don’t lie. It’s really unfair on your potential recipient and as you know already having IVF is really stressful. Just because they didn’t find a reason for your miscarriages, it doesn’t mean there isn’t a reason, it only means that there was no reason found on the tests they did. Medicine can’t explain everything and although there’s no explanation from the available tests that’s not the same as there being no reason.

As for the clinic whose receptionist told you to lie, I wouldn’t touch them with a barge pole and actually think you should complain as they’ve told you to do something really unethical.

Please don’t lie. You are getting the recipients hopes up, draining their limited funds, but secretly reducing the odds of their success, by lying. Why would you deliberately hurt another desperate couple in that way. Very unethical.

Disgusting attitude.
What about the poor cow who gets your eggs and has her own miscarriage?
Only a truly awful person would do that.

OMG. Please don’t lie about this - it would be immoral. Have some empathy for those trying to conceive and those paying for the eggs, and act with integrity.

If they want your eggs knowing the full facts of the matter, please tell us which clinic so we can make sure no one makes the mistake of going there.

And the receptionist! Fucking hell. Can’t believe it. It’s a bloody con job.

All I can say is I wouldn’t lie. I wouldn’t want that on my conscience forevermore.

If asked you should tell them. However many many women will have had at least one miscarriage so do they really rule donors out based on that?

Sprinklesinmyelbow
Why would you do that? You clearly have no morals and you should be ashamed of yourself.

No, don’t lie. I could get IVF treatment for just £1000 if I egg share but I have type 1 diabetes in my immediate family and although it’s probably not something that would flag up if I neglected to mention it, I couldn’t live with myself knowing I could potentially pass that gene on

Cannot believe this question is even being posed?

There are many who scrimp and save to get a round of IVF with donor eggs, by lying about this, you are throwing their money down the drain.
Imagine how you would feel if you were the recipient?

I hope no one on here ends up at that completely unethical clinic

A

You know yourself the heartache ttc is - don't risk passing that feeling onto another family.

We have to go abroad to be able to not only afford donor egg ivf but to also get the chance of donor eggs without a long wait on a list for donors because of my age. If I did that in this country only to get eggs from someone who lied about something so fundamental I’d be devastated.

Please don’t lie. Imagine if your eggs went to a couple who had multiple failed cycles, spanning over several years and were on their last attempt before being childless because they simply couldn’t afford to go through it again, financially, physically & mentally. You would be taking that away from them if your eggs were part of the problem. Don’t be so selfish. You have your child already and many of us don’t.

Bubblegum, I'd say that it may not be a disqualifying factor having diabetes in the family - I certainly don't expect that a digit kind enough to offer me her eggs will magically come from a family all of whom have always been in perfect heath. I'd say talk to a clinic and see whether they would consider you as a donor. I wouldn't necessarily have an issue with a donor who had a relative with diabetes; many people do (myself included).

Even the OP's history of miscarriages wouldn't be something I'd disqualify out of hand. Just, don't lie about it.

A donor kind enough! Oops!

Just for clarity people.. i havent lied. I have told them about my history.
It was just that the receptionist was so casual about not telling the consultant, as if she has advised it before....
I know in myself i couldnt do it.
X

Persipan unfortunately it is :( up here anyway. Manchester fertility clinic offer £1000 IVF for egg sharers so I inquired and they asked me of any medical history. I’m perfectly healthy (other than infertility lol) but I said my grandad, auntie and cousin all have type 1 diabetes and they told me they wouldn’t accept my eggs as there has to be no genetic diseases in your immediate family. Which I think is a bit silly as not many people come from 100% healthy backgrounds as you said. I wanted to donate them last year just for donation purposes, not even for IVF and they still said no. I would have loved to have done it, it’s not like I’m using them

Wow. Knowing the struggles of infertility if I used a donor egg that was potentially compromised because someone had lied I would be devastated. Imagine the pain of loading a pregnancy conceived through a donor egg- usually at the end of a long row of failed treatments. I'm sorry I couldn't do that to anyone I couldn't live with myself.

Bubblegum89 tgatbsucks, especially when sperm donation family history is not so stringent