PGD IVF vs Adoption

[melon301]

Hi everyone... this is my first post! I know this is a very (VERY) personal choice but... dh and I are about to start PGD IVF as there is a known genetic trait we need to eradicate. However I just can't stop thinking though about going through so much to bring a child into the world when there are so many already needing homes. Am I seriously idealising adoption? I know it's not simple or easy, especially if adoption cross-ethnicity or from abroad. Maybe there aren't actually "all these children" just waiting for homes out there?

I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who has gone through either process - and what your feelings are! I'm sure I'm not the only person whose struggling with... well I guess it's guilt really at potentially denying another child a home by opting to have one that is my own!

I'm PMing you

We chose adoption over IVF. We are still early days (three months into placement with a little boy was was 13 months when he came home) but it's the best decision we ever made. We found the process relatively straight forward and quick (he came home a year to the day after we attended our first adoption information evening and decided to adopt).

It's not all sunshine and rainbows, and some have had a very hard time of it. But you'll see a lot of horror stories a out adoption when it can also be wonderful.

I am currently pregnant after PGD IVF due to a hereditary disease on my husbands side. I actually didn't find the process too stressful and we got a positive result on our second embryo transfer. My husband had suggested adoption but I wanted to try the PGD first.

Thanks for your responses everyone and for sharing your stories - much appreciated! x

You could easily ask the same question of couples with no fertility problems. It isn't somehow up to you to adopt, any more than it's up to anyone else, fertile or not. If you actively wish to adopt though, that's different of course. Just don't let other people's expectations make you feel guilty. You are doing nothing wrong.

We did IVF first. Having worked as a children's social worker I was aware of the challenges of adopting children. I didn't want it to be something we did because IVF would be difficult, if we adopted I wanted it to be a positive thing in its own right. Our IVF was successful and it was the right choice for us.

I echo what Roundabout says - adoption was the right choice for us because we really really wanted it. But you should feel no guilt whatsoever if you decide to do IVF instead, procreation (any way you go about it) is normal and not something to feel guilty about!

Agree with Roundabout, take the infertility out of the equation, this bit is not relevant. Good luck with your journey whatever you decide. X

You could try posting this on the adoption board too.

At the moment, there are more adopters waiting to adopt than there are children who need a home. So don't feel as though a child will go without a family if you decide to conceive through IVF.

Having said that, spend some time thinking about it and looking into it. We're a same sex couple and and while we had no known fertility issues (apart from being on the old side!), we decided against conceiving ourselves because we wanted to make a family with a child who was already in the world. And, crucially, we had thought about it and felt happy with the inevitable level of risk and uncertainty that adoption brings.

For us, it was the best ever decision. DD, going on 2 now, is the most wonderful little person ever and we're extremely happy.

We adopted only after IVF treatment failed four times.

We adopted to satisfy our own need to become parents. I'm friends with many adoptive parents and all of them adopted to fulfil their own needs.

I've never met an adopter who says that they did it to give a loving home to a child in care. I know there must be adopters out there who did adopt for selfless reasons but I've not met one!

Our DC would not have waited long to be adopted and if we hadn't been waiting there would have been plenty of other couples who would have been delighted to be matched with them.

If you want a child who is biologically your's then go for it. If that doesn't work out you can look into adopting when you are ready. ( the social workers/adoption workers will tell you what they mean by ready )

Thank you so much everyone - this really has been helpful and made me feel a lot more secure in our initial decision (which I was starting to doubt!) to try for first child via IVF and adopt for second x