Anyone else just lost all hope?

[Bubblegum89]

I’ve tried to stay positive and keep the mindset of “it’ll happen eventually” but I genuinely don’t believe it will.

I’m at the point where I just think, it hasn’t happened yet so why will it happen in the future? Fertility doctors have all said it will happen because I’ve been pregnant naturally in the past but they also can’t give me a reason as to why it’s taking so long now. I don’t think it helps that I struggle to get my head around the idea of unexplained infertility. There are people out there popping out their 5th kid in almost as many years because there is nothing wrong with their fertility but I’m on track for year 2 of ttc with no pregnancies at all yet my fertility is supposedly fine like theirs? Something just doesn’t add up! I feel like I’m not able to draw a line in the sand and make plans to fix the thing that’s wrong because there’s nothing to fix. Which I know is a good thing in some ways because some fertility issues aren’t fixable but in others, it’s horribly frustrating.

I was daydreaming the other day and it suddenly dawned on me that I actually don’t know how I would react if by some miracle I ever got a bfp. I just genuinely don’t believe I will ever have one again and so I’ve put no thought into it. I see people on Facebook putting up things about how they told their partners they were pregnant with little presents and babygros etc. I’m fairly sure mine would know because of the screaming/hysterical crying coming from the bathroom. I think I would actually faint from the shock, I’m not kidding.

I know there’s that saying “you only fail if you give up trying” or whatever it is but I do sometimes think that giving up would be easier mentally. I have no hope left, IVF is out of our price range realistically, at least for now. I just can’t picture myself being pregnant. I used to, it was all I ever thought about but now all I see is me forever having to pretend to be happy for family/friend’s accidental pregnancies and seeing pregnant ladies or people with newborns in the street and trying not to cry until I get home.

I haven’t been doing this for half as long as many of you on here. Have any of you got to this stage, where you just feel completely hopeless and like you just want to stop? How did you power on? How did you build your hopes back up?

Hey
Yes I have felt similar to you and been going through various different fertility treatments over the last few years. Apparently having an ectopic pregnancy is a good sign!!!

I have decided that this will be my last cycle before drawing a line under it all. You could look into the option of ivf but donating eggs as I think you get it free if not heavily discounted then? Some clinics like lister do this?
I said to myself I will try everything and if it doesn’t work move on and after so many failures and all the side effects from the drugs it has been harder than I ever imagined mentally and physically so I would really think carefully before starting. I have revved myself up to do a frozen transfer now and the only way I can is by trying to visualise that little baby in my arms. I have lots of friends who have given birth recently too so am visiting them and it reminds me what I’m doing this for xx

Hi bubblegum. I've felt like this. Probably at around the same time ttc as you. I have (to some extent) come out the other side. I'm not happy about it, but I've sort of accepted I can't control it, that, in fact, no one and nothing has control over whether or not I do get pregnant.

Anti-depressants have helped me. As has looking at my nutrition (for me and for possible pregnancy). Being really kind to myself has helped sometimes. Low expectations.

It also helped me to have a plan. I am childless (2 chemical pregnancies though, but none for over a year). I am going to have three rounds of ivf. We have a plan of how to pay for the last two (been saving like mad for over a year, parents, credit cards). But if they don't work, actually my life is pretty good. I have an absolutely wonderful husband who I love more every day (even after four years of marriage and being together for 8). We own a nice little house. And maybe we'll take a year out and travel at some point if we don't have a kid...

So plan what you want the future (this future) to look like. And save like mad. Remember you have a 50% chance of becoming pregnant in the second year of ttc.

Thank you, ladies.

summerloving I did look into doing egg donation as there’s a clinic near me that offers ivf for £1000 if you donate but I have type 1 diabetes that runs in my immediate family so they said they wouldn’t take my eggs. I have found a place in London that does shoebox ivf and has an entire package including treatment and meds for £2500 which is much more doable and I’ve heard good reviews about them. The only glitch is I’m a good 5-6 hour drive from London but honestly I would travel for that kind of price lol sorry to hear you’ve felt this way too, it’s so exhausting isn’t it?

physicskate I definitely do try to do the whole planning thing. We have a holiday planned on August and since we’ve booked it, every time I get a period, although I’m sad I think “well at least I can have cocktails when I’m away”. I live in a 2 bed house and I love it and don’t want to ever have to leave it so I also try to think of the logistics of a baby in a 2 bed house that already has 3 people in it (then my brain is all “yeah but siblings share bedrooms all the time” lol)

After our holiday, we are planning on saving up for ivf but it may take us a while. I think having plans for the near future helps to take your mind off things a bit. I’m very lucky that I have a 9 year old DD although she isn’t my OH’s biological daughter. We do have a good life now to be fair, I can’t really complain about that. I really hope IVF is successful for you :)

I've felt like that in the past too

Have you looked into going abroad for IVF? It works out much cheaper.