DH struggling with trying to conceive

[MadeToOrder]

DH and I started TTC last June/ July. I know his isn't long but it's already taking a strain. I conceived in September and we discovered I'd had a MMC in November. I then conceived again in January and had a chemical. We then went to see a specialist who has put us on supplements and ran basic tests which have come back normal.

We have just found out I haven't conceived this month. I'm managing OK and although I was very down about the losses I'm trying to move forward and be positive. DH is now struggling with erectile dysfunction and not even just during the fertile week. He's really frustrated and down that we have been trying for almost a year and have nothing to show for it- I suppose in that time our hopes have been raised and dashed.

I'm worried about how this is affecting our relationship, he desperately wants a child but he also feels under pressure. I don't want the pressure every month of his disappointment either as I'm worrying about him. We are young ish- 32 (me) and he's 35.

I read lots online about TTC so know it can be a long ish process but I think he is maybe a bit naive to it all. I just don't want this to affect our relationship especially at this relatively normal stage in the process. Does anyone have any advice?

So sorry to read about your fertility issues, what you are writing about is actually not all that uncommon. Do post this also in the infertility forum of this website as you will receive replies that way too.

Re your tests what tests have been done on both of you to date and what sort of specialist did you see?. When are you due to return to see this person?. Giving you supplements seems a bit simplistic as well, you need a diagnosis first and foremost.

I would take the pressure off yourselves at home and stop thinking about the "fertile week". If you use OPKs, temp charts and such like bin it all now.

Fertility Network is a good organisation to contact and they could help re counselling, their website is fertilitynetworkuk.org/

Thanks for the reply. Our issue is we have had two losses, on the NHS this wouldn't even warrant investigation but we have had blood tests with a specialist in recurrent miscarriage who hasn't found anything untoward. Due to see her again for an ovarian reserve test in about a week and then she will put together a plan going forward from there. At the moment I'm on supplements and aspirin and progesterone from ovulation onwards. I'm waiting for my hormone profile results.

Hi, we're moving this thread over to our Infertility topic at the OP's request.

If it helps to hear a similar story ending in success my sister had a miscarriage on month 3 of trying, followed by a CP 7 months later and is now 14 weeks pregnant again with all scans looking good. Her GP said one is bad luck, two is rotten luck but still within normal limits.

I agree stop thinking about fertile week. Even consider a break for a month - the most important thing is looking after each other. Statistically you are incredibly likely to get there eventually- don't break along the way. Best of luck x

Thanks hoping. I suggested taking a break from TTC for a couple of months to DH today and he says he doesn't want to do that. He opened up about his feelings slightly which was great as he isn't very good at that usually. He said he feels pressure and it's on his mind all the time and even when sex can't lead to a baby it's all "pressure".

I understand what he means and I really am trying not to put pressure on him. After having the chat I went to the shops and when I came back we actually DTD and it was great and I think he feels a lot happier now.

Part of me was considering trying IUI to completely take the pressure off him! I don't want this affecting our relationship so any tips on how to manage this situation would be greatly appreciated. He is so keen to have a baby and feels like we've been trying for ages- he's just not very patient!

@MadeToOrder it is just really hard. We found sex really stressful about month 5-6 but then started making much more time for it rather than trying to fit it in around our already busy schedules and that helped a lot. Unfortunately we've just failed our first round of ivf - which is the least related to sex thing I've ever been through! By the end of it I was really looking forward to DTD again but mainly for the closeness of being with DH.

There will be a way to take the pressure off - you just need to find the right way for you as a couple.

Maybe a month without OPKs and just trying to do it every 2-3 days? As I said you need to find what works for you x