Pregancy jealousy

[LRaeC90]

Hey Ladies,
Just wondering if anyone else is feeling the same.
My husband had testicular cancer and due to this we are able to conceive.
We have to go through IVF, on top of this i have PCOS and have always struggled with my weight. To be able to qualify for the treatment i have to loose 5 stone and am totally stuggling.
My mum has recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer and i feel like the walls are closing in.
My biggest fear is loosing my mum before i have a chance to become a mum.
I have no one to speak to about it and everyone around me is having babies and creating their own little families and i feel i am getting more and more depressed.
Everyone keeps saying it will be your turn next but all i want to do is scream.
I find myself crying non stop, i feel terrible for my husband as he blames himself and doesnt know what to do.
I dont have any close friends and no one to turn to.
Please tell me i am not alone in this?
I am struggling with being happy and supportive to ppl who say they dreaded words “Im pregnant”.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks

You are completely normal - completely. Have a browse of the infertility and conception boards and maybe think of going one of the threads for ongoing support. It helped me so much when I needed it years ago (have name changed since)

So sorry to hear about your mother on the PCOS side You are defiantly not alone I have PCOS and am to lose 4 1/2 stone before they will offer any treatment. All of our friends are having babies:have children and everyone asks when is it going to be you two some of our closest friends know our situation and still ask when am I going to start thinking about starting treatment seriously even though I am trying to lose the weight it’s just so hard! Your not alone and there are others out there but all we can do is support each other

Hey OP,

Well it sounds to me like you have enough to worry about without having to lose 5 stone. The pressure of doing that before you even start IVF treatment just sounds a lot to ask of yourself at the moment.

Have you discussed other options with your DH? Adoption? Surrogacy?

How old are you OP?

OP, you are not alone and this is the place to share! We were unable to have biological children and I found out that one of my close friends was pregnant at our wedding. It felt like a knife to the heart and took me a little spell of grieving to get over it. I am lucky that I had my wonderful husband, my sil (who also had if struggles) and my best friend to help me through it. I would never want my good friend to know how (irrationally) betrayed I felt and it is important I had a support network. It is super tough when all you want is a baby and everyone around you seems to effortlessly pop them out.

Good luck with weight loss and treatment.

Also, if you are being seen for if issues, check if they offer counselling. We found it very helpful.

If course you’re crying loads, it would be weird (and worrying) if you weren’t, given what’s going on in your life. You’re grieving for your mum, and you’re grieving for the children you don’t have yet, and you have the added upset of PCOS and pressure for weight loss. I’m so sorry this is all happening to you. Added to that, Five stone is an incredible hill to climb and IVF is not the answer for everyone - I found our one (failed) attempt at IVF very traumatic and I won’t be repeating the experience, not least as 2 months after it my insides are still messed up. Whether IVF is for you depends on a lot of stuff especially age but do remember that it is not something you have to do. And there are other options you can think about later like adoption / egg donation etc. Only you can decide what to do but it sounds like talking it through with a counsellor could help.

Hi Everyone,
Thank you so much for taking the time to reapond.
I really appreciate it, its noce to know ppl understand how i feel. As i said its hard when ppl dont get it, they try being positive but sometimes it makes it worse.
Anyways i have an amazing husband who deals with the ups and downs so i should be thankful.
Council is definitely something worth considering so thanks