First steps to help?

[StillTryingHard]

Sec infertility & mid 40s - where would you start for help? I have blood tests & sperm tests

Do I book into a private clinic & as for tests and advice? Can a cheaper overseas clinic offer advice or do I need to have a game plan?

I have left it too long & I am now single mindedly on a mission to create the beloved sibling for my beloved DS

stupid question I know - but what would you do first & next?

How mid-forties is that? Egg quality declines very rapidly in your 40s. By the time you are 45 even with IVF then chances are very low (a few percent), unfortunately.

It might be worth considering the vague possibility of donor eggs? There are clinics abroad that have more access to donor eggs, though you should watch out for dodgy, exploitative practices towards the donors...

I’m afraid I agree. Even by around 42 I think ivf would be unlikely to work. Look up the stats for your age. Egg quality is the real issue unfortunately.

Even if you get tests and everything is “ok” it will tell you nothing about your egg quality as such a test does not exist. This is likely to be your main obstacle I would say.

Hello both - thanks for your replies. Sadly I'm 45. I am utterly open to donor eggs.

I'm struggling to understand what interim steps there are - do clinics look at blood and speak results, prescribe chlomid etd or do you go with an ivf game plan?

With age working against you, ring them up and start IVF. Don't mess around with clomid or waste any more time. Time is not on your side.

Thanks - appreciate candid response

I didn’t think time mattered so much with donor eggs? Or does it as you get towards late forties?

Thanks Iris. Really really helpful. So can I just get my really stupid question out there... does this mean I just walk into a clinic (choosing from reviews etc) and say please test my egg quality... and they will do all that, and give considered view. Or is the reality that clinics are only interested in the big £££ of IVF? Believe me - I'm not being lazy, I've tried googling this stuff but I'm just not clear. And you're right, age means not a moment to lose x

Egg quality can't be tested. Ovarian reserve and likely number of eggs and likely response to IVF can be tested, but NOT quality - which really is the one important thing with IVF. The best indicator of quality, unfortunately, is age.

But basically, to get the ball rolling, you ring up your chosen clinic for an initial appointment. Some clinics have free evening info sessions - you could find out when they are and attend...

The hfea might be a useful source of info about clinics for you.

www.hfea.gov.uk/choose-a-clinic/

Regarding egg quality, one way to look at it is that by your age over 90% of your eggs will be chromosomally abnormal. So, there's the dual problem of not only do you likely have fewer eggs available which would potentially mean a relatively low number would be retrieved, but that then the vast majority of that number (possibly all) would not be chromosomally normal.

If you did decide to look at donor eggs, time isn't particularly a factor (except in the sense of building your family in a timescale that works for you), so if you have the money to spare and want to give it a go with your own eggs first, then that would be fair enough. In your position I'd probably seriously consider donor eggs from the get-go, though, and maybe target clinics specialising in this area.

Good luck, whatever you decide!

stilltrying, please ignore iris. Unfortunately ‘she’ is a spammer trying to advertise her dodgy and unethical Ukranian clinic and their surrogacy services.

There is nothing in your post to suggest you need a surrogate. At 45 your most likely issue is to do with egg quality (which surrogacy won’t help overcome at all) as the problem is likely with the seed (your eggs) rather than the soil (your uterus) and surrogacy is only of any use with uterine problems and will not overcome problems with your eggs.

Unfortunately at 45, the chances of successful ivf with your own eggs are low. To get a better picture of how low your chances are and what your ovarian reserves are you could get your FSH and amh checked. Your options are to start own egg IVF as soon as possible or to consider donor eggs from the start. The chances of success are much better with donor eggs, but doing this raises its own issues to think about.

As a starting point, it’s probably easiest to book an appointment at a private fertility clinic in your own country initially, have the initial investigations done there and then have an informed discussion with them about what your options are and your chances of success.

I agree with persipan, re donor eggs, but obviously it’s not a decision to undertake lightly.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Thank you earl and pers.

Gosh I feel naive - how did you know iris was a spammer?

Ok - so that is clear: get private U.K. consultation and take it from there rather than jumping straight to Europe. . I do worry that the push will be for ivf as that is what brings in the $$$

You guys have been really helpful x thank you

You can prepare yourself in advance that the push will definitely be to IVF, and probably to donor egg IVF, but for reasons of likely success rather than financial ones. Clomid, for example, is useful really in women who don't ovulate or ovulate irregularly, but isn't likely to be a helpful treatment at your age*. IUI success rates by 45 are so low as to be almost zero. Even IVF, with your own eggs, would have a percentage chance of succeeding in the low single figures. (The HFEA recently made their website really flashy and took away the straightforward figures, but this article from the US should give a general sense of what I mean: www.advancedfertility.com/fertility-after-age-40-ivf.htm)

(*Sorry, I know I'm making it sound like you're a withered crone. To give context, if it helps, I recently turned 41, and I jumped to donor egg IVF last year after several years of home insemination and own-egg IVF yielded no success. So, I'm probably a bit more comfortable with the idea of donor eggs by now - but that came through spending a small fortune on other options, with nothing to show for it other than a couple of miscarriages.)

Also - having read the post from iris- it makes no sense whatsoever, so slightly scary if that’s supposed to be someone from a clinic, who should know that there is no test for egg quality, that surrogacy has nothing to do with getting pregnant- and only helps if you can’t avtuslly carry a baby to term. Shocking.

Persipan is correct re why they’re likely to suggest IVF and this isn’t motivated by money.

I know iris is a spammer because I’ve been knocking around here for too long! They have an identifiable posting style, but their poor English and the way they shoehorn in the idea of surrogacy into their posts is always a give away too.

It’s awful isn’t it that the clinic resorts to such tactics to advertise their services and it makes me wonder how bad they actually are if this is what they have to do to recruit patients. I feel most sorry for the clinic’s poor surrogates who are likely to be financially desperate and completely exploited by the clinic.

Thanks again earl, pers and chatty --

pers - how is the donor egg going for you? What stage are you at?

I'm comfortable with DE - I am interested in stats though and if it leaps up. Also need to work out what stats mean. It's not really odds is it? I suppose it's more of 100% chance if your egg is good quality & zero per cent if it's not. Sorry - not a tangent, just a way I give myself hope!

Yes the spammer is weird but still don't understand the long game as no clinic mentioned. Would the next stage be DMs with a URL?

Going to book clinic appointment. Have a list of baby steps - posting on here was one.

Thanks for useful & genuine responses x