How do you cope with other people's babies?

[LG93]

Just that really. Going to visit DH's cousins on Sunday with their 2 new babies (both under 3 months) haven't seen either of them since June and we get on well so I'm looking forward to seeing them, and meeting the new family members, but I know I'm going to struggle. DH did check I was happy to go and I said yes, but I know I'm going to come back even more broody and despondent about the fact we've been trying for nearly a year with no luck (PCOS)

Does anyone have any coping strategies?

No coping strategies, but sending love as I know I struggle too.
We went to a housewarming and I was geared up to meet our friends 2 week old Baby. Was dealing with that ok until we got an announcement that our other friends are also expecting.
I hate turning into this bitter woman - it is definitely the worst part for me.

Good luck xx

No coping strategies - I left my nieces birthday party early at the weekend as I couldn't cope with all the babies - I'm half way through my first cycle of ivf so I think the hormones aren't helping either. I've told quite a lot of people were struggling to conceive so it's helped as then they know why I don't want to go to baby showers etc...

Advice I was given: don’t beat yourself up for feeling sad/jealous/angry etc. It’s not jealousy - you are as entitled to have a baby as your friend/relative so it’s perfectly understandable that you feel sad.

Practical coping strategy: if you need to ‘escape’ whether for a few minutes or to leave, agree a signal or a code with your DH - mine is “do you want that paracetamol?” So he knows I want/need to step out of the room if it’s getting too much and/or if I feel I’m going to burst into tears...

Steal the baby. Lol I’m joking. Kind of. I found with my nephew, I focused on having him as much as possible, cuddling and feeding and getting him to sleep. It usually stung for me once I got home and there was no baby there waiting for me to cuddle.

My little sister is due any week now and I’m hoping to employ the same strategy. Fuss over the baby so much that I almost forget that I can’t have one of my own because I’m so busy having cuddles. Then I can just cry about it when I’m on my own at home. It’s hard. I don’t think there is any right or wrong way of dealing with it. You just have to try your best and if you feel a bit wobbly, just excuse yourself and go to the bathroom for a few deep breaths and a little cry if you need one. Sending hugs

It's incredibly difficult, if it helps I had read somewhere that being around a new born helped with fertility (I guess hormones kick in). Probably a load of rubbish but I actively tried to visit newborns during our ivf cycle!

My strategy has been to keep away from babies as much as I possibly can. Which is clearly hard as it's incredibly isolating but I'm just trying to focus on self preservation and this is what I need to do to make it happen. It's far from ideal though...

I was diagnosed with PCOS around 10 years back and when me and my husband decided to start a family in Jan 2016, we went to the doctor to ask for advice and we were told that it might take a while since we were both 35 and I had this problem too. I was extremely lucky and a month after we saw the doctor I was pregnant. I collapsed end of March 2016, I was taken to the hospital and was told I was 4 weeks pregnant. Our happiness didnt last long. I gave birth to my daughter when I was only 28 weeks pregnant, for no apparent reason. My whole pregnancy was going well until I started bleeding. My little E. lived for a week and she passed away due to a bad infection. Preterm babies are so fragile :( Me and my husband have been trying since with no luck.

Since her death there were lots of pregnancy announcements making it really hard for us. There was a Pampers ad on tvTV advertising nappies for preterm babies and you could hear the background song's lyrics "I am coming home, tell the world I am coming home".My husband emailed a complaint to Pampers and thankfully the ad was changed and they took the lyrics out and left only the music.

I work for a reputable kitchens/bathrooms showroom. I deal with the public and quite a few times I see families with new borns and I can not concentrate. I always think "why have they been lucky and had their baby with no problems and not me?" Why cant I be the one walking around happy with my little girl?

Or when I see a family having a couple of children and a new born, I cant help but thinking why do you have to have so many? Other people cant even have one! I know this way of thinking might make some of you angry but you can not reason when you experience a child loss.

I feel mean and I feel jealous. I dont like feeling that at all and have to deal with this too.

I know I have been more lucky than others, since I got pregnant but I have also been more unlucky than others.

There is a couple I know (friends of my husband's who announced their pregnancy not long after we buried our baby daughter). I tried to avoid them for quite some time. Couldnt even stand the thought of telling them congratulations. Saw them the other day on a friend's bday party (thankfully not with their twins). Sara was a bit drunk and was complaining how bored she is that she has to stay home with the twins. I was left speechless! How dare she saying that infront of me... I do hope one of our mutual friends told her how stupid she was for saying that.

If either of you know and speak to grieving parents, please be mindful to what you say to them regarding pregnancies, baby showers or general complaints like being too tired because of the baby.

They might not show it, but discussions like that are painful.

I dont like people telling me if they have been to a baby shower or if their neighbour had a new baby etc.

Our life has changed dramatically since we lost our first and only child. For me life is pointless and not enjoyable. I will never be able to go back and be the way I was. I will always know that life is indeed too short and nothing can be taken for granted. Anything can change in matter of seconds. My husband helps me cope and gives me strength. What ever the reason behind of not having a child, having a carrying husband or family is important. And avoiding everything you can about babies is a must but its also hard.

So sorry to hear about your tragic loss, CBrown80. That's so horrible and I really hope things get a little better. If there's one thing this whole experience has taught me, it's sensitivity.

Thank you Canonball. I had to re think about lots of things I say to people around me after my baby's loss. I was unaware how sensitive and painful the subject of pregnancy can be for some people. There is another couple me and my husband know who have been trying for years! They had done all tests and tried lots of different ways to get pregnant with no luck. I feel so guilty telling them I was pregnant back in 2016 and that we didnt try for long at all. That must have been hard for them to deal with. Itsnt easy to announce something like that when people around you have problems :(

Thanks for all your messages. We've not long got home. Had a lovely day and really threw myself into baby cuddles and feeding etc. It felt lovely to just hold a baby and chat away completely naturally. I feel a bit down now that I'm home, but I can live with that!