Help

[Stras]

Before I start listing woes, I need to be clear I'm not in crisis or going to do anything silly. However, I am completely overwhelmed and I would really appreciate some cool-headed help.

DH (39) and I (35) have been TTC for over two years. I've never got pregnant. Unexplained infertility, but we can't get IVF on the NHS until we've been trying for three. I've had lots of tests, everything seems apparently fine, and the last one I haven't had is the Ovarian Reserve Test (AMH). For some reason I am terrified about that as if I don't have enough eggs I don't know what we'll do.

In addition to this, we moved house last year and have been living in basically one room for the last few months while we've been doing the place up – if we'd known we had such fertility problems, we may not have done. I have just gone back on anti-depressants as I've been quite miserable for a while ( I saw a lovely therapist for the last six months but it didn't get to the root) and my brain hasn't been letting me do any exercise. And last summer, I was diagnosed with binge eating disorder out of the blue, and so I have just started therapy for that. Oh, and last spring I went to the doctors for physio as my hips and legs were hurting, and it turns out I've got arthritist in my bloody knees. Hurrah!

I feel now like I'm continually firefighting things going wrong rather than being able to tackle everything that's going on, and I really, really want to get away from everything for a bit as otherwise I think I'm going to explode. DH is an absolutely LEGEND and I am so lucky to have him, but quite frankly, all of this is too much. I don't want to burden my friends, and a lot of friends and relatives are expecting babies at the moment too.

Sorry, this is such a load of stuff, and I know in the grand scheme of things it isn't important, but I would really appreciate some help. Thank you.

[PaddingtonBearHardStare]

Hi

I know it's scary but please get your AMH checked. We had DS in 2011 then tried for over three years to get pregnant again and we left it for ages as we already had DS so there couldn't be anything wrong.

When we were finally checked my AMH it was less than 1. No explanation and I wish we hadn't left it so long. Currently waiting for our consent forms to start a cycle of IVF with donor eggs. I really wish we'd had the facts earlier. It's not the end of the road if your AMH is low x

[hoping2018]

Hi @Stras I'm sorry you're having such a tough time of it. All I can say is infertility is truely shit. You're not alone - I'm not sure how much comfort it is but there are others in this board who at least part understand how you feel.

I'm currently having ivf and have a low AMH- yes it's shit but at least I know where I stand. Everyone approaches things differently but my approach is the more information the better - you may feel differently.

If you're struggling please reach out for help - especially from your husband who I'm sure is worried about you. Please be kind to yourself x

[Persipan]

Well, I'm not surprised you're feeling low!

Any one of those things you're juggling, on its own, would make most people feel pretty low. And you have ALL of them going on. At the same time. You're basically amazing, even if you don't see it.

If you aren't ready to have your AMH tested, well, there's not a lot you can do at this point anyway whatever it is, if you'll have to wait out the third year before accessing treatment whatever the circumstances. I guess my only question there would be, would there be any circumstances where you could or would access private IVF? It sounds like part of what's causing you anxiety about the test is 'I don't know what we'll do'. If your AMH coming back low would mean you'd want and be able to go private to get treatment sooner rather than later, then it's worth having the test. If it wouldn't then it doesn't much matter at this point, since you can't change the situation.

But the big thing here is more, how can you help yourself to feel a bit better, even if it's just in little ways? Are there things that help, or have helped in the past? You mentioned that your depression is sabotaging attempts to exercise, so it sounds as though this might be something you've identified that would make a difference if it could happen, and give you that little bit of a break. Or would something like going to the cinema help, just as a distraction for a couple of hours? Basically, what I'm saying is please take the time to do something nice for yourself, regularly, even if it feels like swimming through treacle to make it happen. You do need to step out of your daily life a bit, and you deserve to.

Good luck!

[Stras]

Thank you all so much for your messages – I think I was freaking out a bit and it was actually really really helpful.

I did end up getting sufficiently stressed yesterday (I spent far too long researching adopting, and IVF chances, that I got quite wigged out) that in the end I found somewhere doing immediate blood tests and got the AMH done. I'm not entirely sure what the level means, but it was higher than I'd feared. So on the one hand, that's great, but on the other, just another joy in the world of unexplained infertility I guess.

I've got two weeks at least for the anti-depressants to kick in, and then hopefully my brain will "allow" me to do exercise again, which I could really do with. And thank you Persipan, I will try and do something nice today! Even if it's going home and getting into bed and watching Only Connect (which would actually be pretty good).

[Tigergreen]

Hey Stras,

Glad to hear you got your AMH tested and that it was better than expected, and that you’re feeling bit better today. Sorry if this sounds weird but are you sure it’s 3 years for unexplained referrals in your area? The only reason I say it is my fertility specialist told me the same at our initial appt but he hadn’t realised the CCG has changed their guidelines to allow referral after 2 years. NICE guidelines are defo 2 years for unexplained but I know how different CCG provision can be. If you haven’t checked out your own guidelines you can access them here: www.fertilityfairness.co.uk/nhs-fertility-services/ivf-provision-in-england/
I wish you the very best of luck with it all x

[Stras]

Tigergreen that is an amazing tip and not weird at all, just very helpful - thank you! I've just gone and checked...but it is three years. RUDE. But looking at it has made me understand more what we would be able to get from it, which is great. Thanks again, and good luck too!