unexplained infertility, i cannot get my head around this!!!

[jspree31201]

Hi all,

New to MumsNet so bear with me. I am not sure if I am posting for advise or just need somewhere to vent. We have just been given a diagnosis of unexplained infertility and I am not sure how I am taking this news. I feel that if there was an actual clinical reasoning behind why me and my husband can't conceive then I would have accepted this better? Does that sound strange? My husband is as happy as 'larry' there's nothing wrong and can't understand why I have been devastated by this news.

All tests came back normal, no blockages, ovulating fine, SA was correct. My husband is 30 and I am 28. My BMI is high and they won't refer me for IVF on the NHS until I bring it under 30 (currently 34) which will be hard but I want to do it.

We have been TTC for 3 years and I have been pretty relaxed about it until now. I always took the attitude of it will happen when it will happen. But now I am so stressed and sad I have 4months to lose the weight now or I will have to do the work up all over again. But the upset this is causing me is really not going to help my weight loss, I tend to get a bit lazy and eat a lot when I am upset so I now fear this will affect it which is stressing me out even more!

I suppose I just needed to vent a bit and get it all out as Hubby is not really understanding me at the moment.

Any one been in a similar situation that can help suggest ways to manage this? I think I am going mad because I know I should be happy that there is nothing clinically wrong, there are so many people out there with actual diagnosis's that may never conceive, so am I being selfish?

Jo x

To be honest lose the weight and you might be surprised...it happened to me!

Sorry about your news, I've been through similar.

I had to lose weight for IVF, I just focussed on what I wanted the end result to be and stuck to it. I went to Slimming World and lost loads in three months.

I've also had a friend who had unexplained to, she lost weight and conceived naturally.

I'm sure a low GI diet is recommended to help, might be worth a google.

Our infertility was male factor but I still had to lose to. My DD is now 10, so it does work!

Good luck!

Depends how badly you want a baby really.
You are very lucky not to have any intermal issues and are still young.

Lose weight=higher chance of baby.
The only thing in your way is yourself.

Maybe even counselling about your emotional eating and bad relationship with food too.

Lose the weight and stay positive.

My dear friend (tiny) tried for a couple of years in her late 20s with unexplained infertility and then fell pregnant. She swore blind - and rather bizarrely- it was down to some meds she had been on because of Swine Flu!?? But my point is it did happen for them and keeping fingers crossed it can happen for you, but in order to give it the best shot rule out the weight issue and slim down to give yourselves the best chance.

Good luck

thanks all, I know its my issue with regards to the weight and I really do want to shift it more than anything to give us the best possible chance I worked it out at about 2 stone I need to shift.

Middleoftheroad - oh that is bizarre, never heard of anything like that!

glad it worked out for her though and thank you for the kind words I need to stay positive its just a struggle at the moment

I haven't experienced infertility so I hope this isn't upsetting to speak here but I completely recognise your feelings. I felt exactly the same when my recurrent miscarriage investigations showed no problems at all. I was devastated. I really wanted it to tell me that the problem was caused by X (and by extension, it could be solved by doing Y and Z). It felt so unfair, so bewildering, so confusing to be told there is nothing wrong when clearly, to you and me, it sure feels like something is wrong, otherwise we would have our babies. I remember well the absolute fury and raging upset I felt when the consultant told me. She told me that this was good news, that this meant nothing was specifically wrong that they could find, etc. At the time, it was devastating. It felt like she was saying "no medical problems, just you and your own body's failures, nothing we can do to help".

I found talking with a qualified counsellor hugely helpful in processing these feelings. Is that an option for you? I promise you are not the only woman ever to have felt that way. It is so difficult and so consuming. I really wish you well.

I suffered years of unexplained infertility due to undiagnosed coeliac disease. Negative blood tests for 15 years, positive biopsies and gene test. 9 rounds of IVF and all I needed to do was change my diet

I have unexplained infertility. My husband is the same and says that it’s great that they can’t find anything wrong. It is really hard.

Stress

Harebellmeadow Have you really just come onto an infertility board and told a poster her issues are down to stress?

People come on these boards to get away from the tired old cliched shit they are bombarded with by everyone in RL.

No doubt your next post will be suggesting she gets drunk and just relaxes? I suppose failing that she could always adopt?

We had unexplained infertility and it was only had the very end of the road when they were doing a detailed SA a month before our scheduled IVF that they discovered it was a rare male factor which just hadn't ever really shown up in the standard tests. There probably will be something stopping conception, it's just not always obvious from the usual testing.

I totally agree with you - having a diagnosis, whilst a shock, was a massive relief. During our years dealing with infertility I had all sorts of mad thoughts - we don't deserve a baby, maybe DH and I are just wrong together, maybe this is God's way (don't even really believe in God!!!) I totally get that the 'unexplained' aspect can drive you a bit mad.

There's not much that can be done about it unfortunately so as others have said, focus first on your weight and health (physical and mental) and then start moving forward to treatment.

Good luck to you and your DP

And three cheers for isthismummy

Cheers FarAwayFromLand honestly though, is nowhere safe for us these days?

A friend with (non coeliac) gluten sensitivity got pregnant at 44 with her first DC within months of going gluten free (all tests had come back normal). Maybe coincidence but her previously very problematic cycle became a normal 28 day one pretty much immediately.

From my own experience, I remember reading LOTS of research papers and coming across some that mentioned something fairly astonishing (I thought anyway), and reading into it further and then getting quite angry because I’d never been advised of it... over the counter pain killers can stop ovulation if taken at the wrong point in the cycle (ie just at the point you are ready to ovulate) they can cause an unruptured follicle (if the egg isn’t released you can’t get pregnant!), I was taking OTC painkillers almost every month at around the time of ovulation due to the pain I got with almost every cycle at that time... I stopped taking them after that and now have DC4 (at age 42 after a very long gap between DC3 and 4).

These suggestions may only help some people of course, but cheap and easy to try and not harmful

Have you had your thyroid checked?

I was labelled 'unexplained' but the doctor was using very out of date ranges for TSH (the thyroid measure) which meant I was never going to conceive.

I was put on a low dose of medication to bring it back within the correct TTC range (0.5-2.5) and then a further test revealed I also had a thyroid autoimmune condition called Hashimotos

After lots of failed IVF and miscarriages, an enlightened doctor pointed out that autoimmune conditions mean a generally screwed up immune system, so I was tested for natural killer (NK) cells
The test results came back as off the chart so my immune system had been destroying embryos by identifying them as foreign cells to be destroyed

I had months of a gluten free diet plus immune suppression drugs and then got pregnant

I'm now a firm believer in there being no such thing as 'unexplainable infertility', just that the correct tests haven't been carried out

I tend to get a bit lazy and eat a lot when I am upset so I now fear this will affect it which is stressing me out even more!

Come on... how much do you want a child?!

Come on...how much do you want a child?!

Wow. The supportive comments are coming thick and fast on here tonight!

Oh sorry, we are all meant to blow smoke up the OP’s arse are we?

She wants a child, needs to lose some weight but says she gets “lazy” when she’s upset.

Forgive me for being a little as to how much she really wants a child!

Haven't read the full thread but just to say we were TTC for 4+ years, diagnosed unexplained fertility after many tests and treatments, most obvious problems (thyroid, PCOS) managed as best they could. Finally gave up and got pregnant the very next month, completely spontaneous. I frickin' hate the "relax and it'll happen" bullshit but like...we relaxed and it happened.

I'm not suggesting anyone's arse has smoke blown up it. I don't disagree that op needs to lose weight to try and help her conceive. I just feel there's kinder ways of broaching the matter than by querying so harshly how much she actually wants a baby.

I don't like to see anyone being kicked when they are down. Infertility does that to you quite enough on its own without us all wading in for good measure.

Loose Weight and it will happen

Sometimes the endless circumventing the issue is totally counter productive.

The OP needs to lose weight. Fact. So enough with the excuses about laziness. Period.

Op I also put on weight when I’m stressed - it’s really annoying and the last thing you need when you need to loose it! Maybe focus on exercise rather than just diet?

There is also all the immune related testing/infertility theories which seem to be more than the basic infertility investigations yet a lot of people get success with

OP I know exactly what you mean by being upset with the unexplained aspect of infertility and how you feel it would be easier to deal with if there was a reason. DH and I have been TTC unsuccessively for over 3 years and all our test results are perfect, it’s so frustrating!!!

To the people saying lose weight and it will happen, yes being healthier is likely to help, but am sure everyone on this board knows people who are overweight and who conceive easily so it’s not a cure all tactic.

I am also someone who eats when stressed and upset, so it is something I have had to watch carefully during this whole process. I also used to be extremely overweight (not while TTC, a long time ago) so I know anyone can lose weight if they put their mind to it. I know it’s hard to be motivated when your so upset, but it will be worth it in the long run. I would suggest joining WW or SW (I lost 7st with WW) the group aspect can really help with motivation, and just get yourself out walking or something in the orders, I find exercising out in the fresh air helps clear my head when i’m worrying about things.

Good luck OP, hope things start looking up for you soon