Happy Christmas

[moominsareace]

I know this is a tough time of year for everyone struggling with IF. I had my own battle for 8 long years, and I hated this "family" time of year when all I wanted was a baby. So I just wanted to send huge hugs to everyone on the treadmill that is treatment, or is having a rough time of it because of IF.

Hang on in there - you are all truly amazing!

Merry Christmas! I'm the same I'm being induced in 2 weeks after trying for 8 years and having 5 cycles of IVF I finally got there, never dared imagining I ever would.

Wow Lauren I remember you from
Threads when we were trying (chats about the joys of low amh), Congratulations! That’s amazing!

I was wondering if anyone was still about! How have you been? It was donor eggs that ended up working for me, did own egg failed, own egg cancelled, donor egg failed, donor egg miscarriage then had a 2 year break and started working in an IVF clinic oddly then gave it one last shot early this year. Just shows you should never give up :)

That’s amazing. Truly resilient. Good for you.

All good here- I have 2 little boys now so it just shows you that you never know I suppose.

Good luck with the induction - I was running almost the exact same timescales as you for my first - was induced on 16 Jan 2015....!

Even the happy Christmas barrens threads are full of pregnant people and people with kids.

Enjoy your Christmases everyone. Can’t wait for this one to be over.

Oh goodness. So sorry purple. I didn’t mean to upset anyone. I just remembered Lauren from previous threads.

to you.

My due date is the 15th Jan he is just measuring over the top centile so they think it's best to get him out sooner, so glad you have your little ones, bet it's a mad house at yours today! Hope you all have an amazing day

It’s typical isn’t it purple? But don’t wish the day over. Our lives aren’t the same. Chances are you’ve a lot in yours that others could envy, and at the end of the day Christmas is just a day and what counts is how you feel about it yourself, not what others go on about.

Happy Christmas to all of us barrens, in years of being on here I never cease to be humbled by the strength and decency and emotional intelligence of those who have been through the struggle. Bah humbug to everyone else!

Merry Christmas PurpleDaisies. The stories of positivity just don’t help do they?

Sorry if you have managed to take offence from someone having success after 8 years of hell battling infertility, I didn't realise the OP posted the thread exclusively for those who hasn't won their battle yet

Purpledaisies & Hedges, I have been thinking of you today and sincerely want you to know you are permitted pity-parties, I know where you're coming from.

As I have said on another thread, Christmas seems to bring out either the worst or best of people. Some posters don't have a filter They're not in your real lives so forget their boasting and massive insensitivity, the people in your daily situations mean more to you

Boasting I went through hell to get this baby, I gave up hours of my life for free to volunteer helping people through infertility for years, I lost 2 babies, had 4 surgeries, 5 ivfs and was told at 29 I wouldn't ever have a biological child so I'm carrying a baby that isn't biologically mine, I started IVF in 2012 and I finally have my baby coming next year. Infertility doesn't stop when you get a positive pregnancy test you know, it will stay with me the rest of my life, I spent last Xmas crying in bed as the last baby I lost was due Xmas eve. Believe me I'm not boasting. Even before I had this pregnancy I was so so happy when anyone had success as you know what I thought? 'Thank god that's one less woman going through the hell of infertility' and I see that as a victory for any woman

Sounds like you’ve had a hard journey and have more than done your time on these boards Laura. Congratulations and happy Christmas x

Lauren even. Sorry auto correct x

Lauren- absolutely delighted for you.
Ignore the people that say horrid things.
This journey is tough and for others to get to the other side of it is a massive achievement.
Good luck for when the day comes. Xx

Lauren,
I am happy ro PM you all of my previous usenames & you can research just how much I have spent on ICSI etc & how many losses I have had at what times of the year, this is not a competition. I have been self-funding for 20 years. FYI I am using donor egg AND donor sperm, meaning I do understand (as opposed to imagine) your situation.

You will also see from my posting history that like you, I have always maintained that I wouldn't wish infertility on others. I have also said before that should my child get pregnant at a young age, I would be ecstatic as it means there is one less person going through what we did/still are.

OP came on here (not for exclusivity) to help posters with empathy & a little reminder that sufferers are being thought of at this infertility-caused crap time of year. I suspect you did have one or two downdays where you didn't want to have it feeling like your face was being rubbed in it.

Lauren that's an inspirational DE story and you weren't insensitive. Lovely to read xx

Thanks so much for the well wishes it's very kind of you as it feels a shame I have been made to feel so guilty when I was telling people they should never give up, I guess some of you would prefer it if people never spoke of success.

I do apologise if me sharing my story was 'insensitive' and 'rubbing anyone's nose it in' it shocks me that that's what's been taken by it, all the infertility threads on here contain a mixture of good and bad news, and people share their success and it's well received which I think is lovely to see. I can only apologise that when OP posted a merry Christmas thread in infertility that I didn't know it was to have a certain 'vibe' and that my post wasn't in keeping with the rules a few of you think I should of adhered to, and yes I did have a few down days, I work 40 hours a week in a clinic with people having success before my cycle finally worked and I used to get full on goosebumps when I see people walk out with a scan photo, all I felt was happiness but of course I should know not everyone's the same, 1st cycle or 5th so I clearly never see it as a competition and never ever felt bitter or jealous or that my nose was being rubbed in it. I do however know that some people suffer with bitterness and prefer others to not have success hence why I try hiding my bump when I walk through the clinic just Incase anyone's having a bad day!

Hope everyone has a lovely Boxing Day wether you have completed your family, are still working on it or are going through a rough time with infertility.

Thanks also for the reminder why I stopped using mumsnet and made an error of judgement coming back

Congratulations lauren. It’s not that the stories of success are inappropriate or that I feel offended. It’s just that every thread on infertility quickly starts and ends with posts about people who have triumphed against the odds after years of trying.

While I’m not trying to take away that from the fact that you’ve had massive success, it doesn’t happen like that for everyone. The people for whom treatment doesn’t work seem to be forgotten about and are given platitudes about how it’ll all be worth it in the end and about not giving up. For some people it won’t be worth it in the end and they won’t get their baby and this needs to be acknowledged. Furthermore the often well intended advice not to give up is often unhelpful as deciding to stop can be one of the hardest things related to treatment and sometimes people have it do this for their physical, mental or emotional health or because to continue is futile.

Wishing you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy.

Well said EarlGreyT

Whilst I am happy for those who have achieved success, I personally don't find the success stories inspiring. If anything it makes me worry even more that I will end up in the unlucky percentage of people that treatment doesn't work for.

I really don't think anyone meant to make you feel bad Lauren it's just some people can't really cope with other success stories at a time of year designed to make the barren feel at their lower ebb. I am sorry to hear of the awful times you have been through though, and hope all goes well with your baby.

Thanks both, points taken on board of course, the earlier digs felt a little unfair considering and I am grateful for the well wishes Thankyou. Hope you have a happy new year