BFP after Ivf, emotional mess!

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I want to start of my saying that I'm so grateful that we got our BFP and I'm hoping that all the couples that are going through infertility treatment get theirs too.
I better star at the beginning.
We had been trying to conceive for 4 years and we have our BFP after our second fet embryo transfer (our last Fe).
I found the whole process really difficult, I have a fear of needles which I managed to drag myself through for the grater good. I was hospitalised after HOSS, they retrieved 15 eggs but only 3 fertilised and then 2 blastocyst were frozen until I recovered. I was put on a really high dose of progynova and obviously the progesterone pessaries before the fet that worked. They made me feel ill anyway but that was fine, again for the greater good.
So BFP, amazing! So happy!
I'm now 8+1. We've had our scan at 7+1 and saw our little bean with its lovely heart beat.
I'm so ill, as mentioned in a previous post. I have constant severe nausea, Ive only been sick a handful of times but I'm the verge constantly of throwing up, it comes up then goes back down and the acid heaves me with terrible heartburn. I have to force myself to eat and work is so hard as I have quite a physical job (they have moved me onto lighter work) but I'm still bending and lifting all night so the sick feeling is even worse.
This may be tmi but weeks of pessaries have made me very uncomfortable down below. Needless to say the combination of severe nausea, lack of energy, uncomfortableness and fear of it all going wrong has killed any romantic feeling.
So my Dh has been really good up until yesterday. Before he's been gently suggesting we could try and have sex until that point. He basically pestered me all day for sex, I gave in, it was tense and uncomfortable for me but he seemed happy. Wake up this morning and he's wanting to again.
I burst out crying, all these feelings just spill out. I'm not sure if I even meant all of them.. I say I'm fed up of feeling like this I hate it. I'm sick of sticking things (medication and needles) in me and up me. I'm run down, out of puff and if it's going to be like this for months on end I can't do it! I can't go back to the begging!
You have had to do nothing, apart from watch all of this happen (awful thing to sayI know) and make jokey comments about how you hope to get your wife back at the end of it!
He went in a huff and said "oh well I know not to ask for sex again, I hope your yourself again after all this is over"
Arghhh I don't even know who I am anymore, what if this is me now!
I'm so miserable, I just want to know when it gets better. I've been crying on and off for days.
Has anyone been left with these feelings?
I sound so ungrateful but im not, those two lines were one of the best moments of my life, I don't know why I'm feeling like this.

I could have written your post!! It’s so similar. I’m lucky that I have an office job, and have no needle fear, but otherwise I also had OHSS, and severe nausea, and now major acid reflux. I’m 13 weeks.

When I was 8 weeks I caved and went to the GP - lovely man gave me a prescription for some anti sickness pills, they don’t take away all the nausea but they do help. Also gets rid of the gagging if you get that. I also now take omeprazole for the stomach acid. Honestly speak to you GP, drugs are great.

On romance, I admit we’ve struggled too. Men deal with all this in a very different way, and some get really grumpy. My OH went out to the pub a lot. We haven’t had sex since before the IVF started, but have been doing other things. OH has also started running, to let off steam! Your OH needs to understand that things will not be normal for you for a while yet, and he needs to accept that it means changes to your sex life. He was an active participant in the IVF so it’s not like you did this on your own!

Just wanted to say that what you’re feeling is totally normal. IVF is shit. Yes we’re lucky to get BFPs but that doesn’t mean the process is any less awful. Does your clinic offer counselling? I’ve really struggled with the idea of all this just having happened TO me, and now I’m just a vessel... My clinic has a counselling service and I’m going to see them in the new year if I still feel like this.

Also, can you take some time off? It sounds like you’re knackered too, and that’s not going to help your mood.

I hope some of this helps. You aren’t alone in how you’re feeling. This all totally sucks.

But congratulations on your BFP

Thank you, congratulations to you too
He has been so supportive with everything else, people at work have been less than sympathetic "you're only pregnant etc". He tells me to not listen to them, that I have nothing to prove! He gives me a hug and tells me it's going to be okay.
I think his needs just have made him highly frustrated. I know he's not meaning to hurt my feeling when he says he wants his wife back etc but it does! You hit the nail on the head when you said it's happening TO you and you feel like a vessel. That's exactly right! Especially that there is nothing you can control. What's happened to the relaxed, positive person that was capable of having fun?
I haven't thought of counselling until my outburst today.
I'm going to phone the docs on Monday, were you scared to take the pills at first? My SIL berated me infront of my MIL, Fil and DH for mentioning anything about anti sickness tablets. Stating they were dangerous and how could I be so selfish after everything.
Your response has helped so much, I'm not alone! Ive been feeling so very alone and guilty.

Get the anti sickness pills. Best thing I ever did.
I was so scared to take them, I cried to the doctor 'I don't want to hurt the babies' (I have twins) and he looked at me sympathetically but like I was mad and said 'I would prescribe them if they were dangerous'

I had a very complicated pregnancy, and I think from the start of our IVF until the twins were born I could count on one hand the number of times we had sex. Your husband didn't mean to upset you I'm sure, I think it's hard for them to appreciate how tired and emotional the process and drugs make us.

And remember. Just because your baby is so wanted doesn't mean you can't complain about the tough parts of pregnancy. Xx

I’m so glad it helped:) It’s such a massive rollercoaster. I had major cold feet before IVF started, and about half way through realised I hadn’t actually accepted that I was infertile. Then add in all the hormones, the stress, the bad reactions, having to inject yourself... It’s just shit.

Then you get the BFP and you feel like you should be overjoyed but I just felt “ok so it was worth it...” but then felt so guilty about not being happier, especially when there were so many people that it didn’t work for. It’s just emotionally completely overwhelming.

Men really don’t get it. They are simple creatures! And their second brains do dominate sometimes... second brain doesn’t talk to first brain. My OH was the same at first, but had a massive shock when I started bleeding, since then he’s been amazing all the time. I do miss the physical relationship, so we try to make time for at least some fun, but it’s like I have to be ready to pounce in the 5 min per day I don’t feel hideous.

On the drugs, no, I felt no fear! I was desperate for anything, and I figure that it a GP will prescribe it then it the benefits outweigh the risks. Tell your SIL to wind her uneducated neck in. FFS. I have no time for people like that!! Tell her when she’s lived a day in your life and educated herself about how medicines are regulated for use then she can talk about it. Until then shut the heck up. Sorry but I’m livid on your behalf!

At work I’m lucky in that my boss’ sister had IVF and she knows how hard it can be. Most of my colleagues don’t know yet, and just know I’m “unwell”.

To give you hope, the nausea does change, and mine was worse around 6-9 weeks, but after that it’s a mix of good and bad days. The number of good days seems to be increasing, but I had a day last week where the acid reflux was so bad I came home early and cried all night. So back to GP and got more drugs! And touch wood they seem
to be working. Also since week 10-11 I’m also a lot less tired, and now am starting to get my appetite back. I don’t know if it ever fully goes away but my strategy at the minute is just to take each day as it comes, and not have any expectations about what I’ll be able to do or how I’ll feel.

Have you had an occupational health assessment at work? In the meantime can you work on a few polite “feck off” lines for insensitive work colleagues?

Be kind to yourself. It honestly is shit and you should take it easy whenever you can.

I'm 12+2 and have been feeling shit. I haven't needed the anti-sickness tablets but I've been sick a few times, and felt sick with a heartburn for ages. Sometimes completely non-stop for 72h. Also permanently tired and unable to think. On a few occasions it was so bad that I literally questioned if I wanted to be pregnant after all.

I'm sorry about your husband acting the way he's been. The way I managed to explain to mine how I felt was by comparing it to a very nasty hangover when you can't keep food down the next day, you're sick tired and have no will to live. If he's experienced that before, hen perhaps he can imagine better how you're feeling.

As it's really awful for you, do see your GP. And I hope your husband can think and work out that if you're feeling permanently super shit, you won't be in the mood.

PS Hang in there - it does get better at one point or another.

Hey ladies, I'm so sorry for the late reply. Things went down hill fast and I haven't really done anything all Christmas apart from be sick and cry.
The severe nausea with occasional vomiting turned into vomiting all of the time. I've been in hospital twice to get rehydration treatment and I've been signed off until they can find an ant sickness tablet that works. I'm holding onto hope that once I stop taking the oestrogen and progesterone that things will improve as I do feel considerably worse after I try and take these each day. I've gone from 9st5 to 8st3 in a matter of 3ish weeks so fingers crossed.
Thank you for your supportive words, I think my husband got a shock when I got taken into hospital so he's definitely been more understanding!
Hope you'd are all doing well and feeling a lot better. X

Bless you. I was the same tho ok 10yrs ttc and 5 ivf

Was overjoyed to be preg but suffered badly from hg. Tablets did help but was still very sick and nauseaous

I coped only by stayin still and quiet in bed most of the day. Luckily I work nights and by 8/9pm was a lot better but still sick seveeel times at work

Driving home after a shift sick always - coop 10p bags fab as no holes

Sickness did get less about 20w tho still sick a lot and had hormone surges and sick again but not as bad as weeks 4-16

Sex - didn’t have it at all while preg as took so long to get preg and consultant at hospital advised no sex due to risk of bleeding

Hope you feel better soon and it’s all worth it when you have baby in your arms. Dd is now 9mths

You poor thing - this sounds horrible.

Emotionally and in terms of taking all the meds I totally feel you. It's hard going having to constantly inject or take pills or shive pessaries up you. It feels unfair too that most people don't have to worry about these things. But it doesn't go on forever and you will come out the other side of it. I dk what your clinic are recommending, but often once you get through the first trimester then your progesterone is tailed off. It helped me to focus on the countdown to it ending and trying to remember that it's there to try to keep the embryo in so doing an important job even if it sucks massively.

I didn't have MS at all but I have had other symptoms like epic acid reflux. I went to the doctor, they gave me medication and I took it and I feel a lot better! They won't dish out stuff that's unsafe in pregnancy and with the greatest respect to your SIL, she's talking out of her arse. Many people take anti nausea meds in pregnancy, as well as a host of other meds, and it's fine.

As for your partner and sex, I didn't have this issue because he would never have pestered me. But I'd be politely telling him to go sort himself out while I was taking pessaries. When you have stuff dribbling out of various orifices, or doing that delightful clumping, why would you want to have his bits shoved up there too. Nevermind the sickness and other stuff! He's prob feeling a bit out of control and trying to carry on a normal bless him but dude, no! Glad he's grasping it now.

Hope the sickness eases up a bit and you are able to get home x