Multiple failures - is it time to give up?

[Hobbes39]

Hi - I'm just at the tail end of a miscarriage - was a mmc at 7 week scan - no hb or fetal pole looked like it hadn't grown past 6 weeks. Started to miscarry naturally at 7+5 (Friday) and seems after a shit weekend I'm past the worst.
Anyway, this was our 3rd fresh IVF cycle - 4th including a failed FET. We managed to get 2 frozen on this cycle, one a 3BB day 5 and one they didn't tell me the grade of but got there a little later on day 6, so prob not as good. The frozen one we had from the 2nd cycle was a 3BB too, but it didn't work.
So my record is -
I am 40 - 41 in March
I have a DS who is 4 and was naturally conceived.
We have had unexplained secondary infertility for almost 3 years now, Although recently they saw an endo cyst on my ovary on a scan, so prob have endo elsewhere too - never had a lap to check.
We had a miscarriage of an ectopic pregnancy 2 years ago, tubes were clear after this.
First round of IVF (Oct last year) resulted in a chemical preg.
2 round (march) resulted in nothing.
FET nothing again
3rd round (Oct/Nov) was 'successful' but has ended in miscarriage.
We have the two frozen embryos left. I feel like they won't work either as why would they? Do we give up after those? Should I do something in the mean time to help with chances for them? I don't really know what I'm asking, but I'm scared that we really won't get there & I never thought that would be me. (Arrogantly, what an idiot I am). I'm just so heartbroken by this. I know that the odds are so against us as I get older and my clinic are so slow with things I feel I'm running out of time. Has anyone succeeded after so many failures? Or am I banging my head against a brick wall? X

If you feel you're at the end of the IVF road, would host surrogacy be an option for the two embryos?

@Hobbes39 can I ask what tests/investigations you've had done?
I have a DS who is 5, we've been TTC his sibling for x2 years. I had x2 MCs last year but nothing since November 2016. I've had all the standard tests on NHS with no issues found except for an under active Thyroid (I am now on Thyroxine and am back in normal range) Have you had your TSH tested? In the Summer I found a Private Consultant called Dr Hassan Shehata. He Specialises in recurrent miscarriage. He conducted some tests and found that I have an overactive immune system. His belief is that this was triggered in my pregnancy with my Son and believes that my body might be fighting successful conceptions at implantation stage. His theory and approach isn't widely accepted in the NHS yet, but I have met a lovely group of ladies who have gone on to have successful pregnancies once on his treatment plan.
Anyway, sorry for rambling, but I had to reach out when I read your post. I don't feel it's time to give up yet... perhaps have the lap and dye done before going for another round of IVF? I'm due a Hycosy, Hysteroscopy and Hysterosalpingography in January. Once I know the situation with my tubes, I may need to consider IVF alongside my immunity treatment x

Hi @Intercom - to be honest - I'd be likely to consider donor eggs before surrogacy as I'm not sure at all how surrogacy works in the uk and it's more likely at my age that it's shitty eggs rather than anything else... surrogacy would not become a consideration for m if it was proven I couldn't carry a pregnancy - Having done so already it seems unlikely, but who knows...
@Tee4me I've had the usual blood test to check I'm ovulating etc - had AMH (good for my age 15.4 last time they checked) and had the HSG and tubes were clear. That's it tho. DH sperm all good too. I will look at dr shahata... thanks x

I've had thyroid test - all fine

Was your TSH below 2.5? I was originally told my Thyroid was fine at 4.24, but it was only when my Specialist looked at the result at a later time and picked up that it should be below 2.5 when TTC, but the NHS don't pick it up unless it's over 5... so there's a bit of a grey area. I technically have sub-clinical Hypothyroidism which can affect fertility, and common in women who have had a successful pregnancy (it's that pregnancy that can affect Thyroid function).

Here's a link to Shehata's clinic. Good luck in whatever you decide x

www.miscarriageclinic.co.uk

Hi Hobbes I’m so sorry to hear that your pregnancy ended in miscarriage, I’ve just had my 3rd MC so know exactly how devastating they are. I know how it is when those fear thoughts start flooding in, me and DH have been ttc for nearly 8 years now and with 3 mcs to show for it. All I can say is take each step at a time. You say should you stop after you’ve tried with your two Frosties, but who knows what will happen then, you just don’t know. For me that has kept me going, I try not to think on to the next step before I’ve completed the step we’re on. If you decided to try with each frosty that’s 2 more try’s before any further decisions have to made. I hope you don’t mind me saying that, I know everyone looks at things different. Lots of hugs

@Tee4me - my thyroid levels were as below:
TSH: 1.46 mIU/L
Free T4: 15.22 pmol/L (1.1824 ng/dL)
Free T3: 4.62 pmol/L (3.0076 pg/mL)
So yes, below 2... so don't think I can blame that sadly...
X

@79Karen thank you for your message to you for what you've been through.
I'm just broken at the moment and while I know we are really lucky as we has our gorgeous DS and a roof over our heads and food in our stomachs - I just feel so awful and so don't know emotionally how much longer we can keep going... x

Hi didn't want to read and run we were in a similar position and considering donor eggs however we sought a third opinion as we had found our clinic slow (I note you have the same issue). I can't say for certain this is what worked but the consultant went back through our notes tweaked our meds, we were due to start ivf in March 2017 after the consultation and change of med protocol in January in readiness we actually then caught naturally and I have a 7 week old with me. I would look at getting another opinion re your history/meds and protocol and see if that will help before you embark upon donor eggs/surrogate route. Best of luck x

Only you can decide when you have had enough

What is your fsh

FWIW - took 3 fresh cycles and 2 fet to get 1st ever bfp after 10yrs ttc - was 42 at last fresh cycle

We carried on with my eggs as I had very good Amh and fsh for my age and 2nd fet worked

Tho if all frozen had failed we would have tree one last cycle with donor eggs

If I were you I would Obv use your frozen then consider donor eggs due to your age

Hi @Blondeshavemorefun - thanks for your reply. I'm so pleased you got there in the end! Congratulations
My FSH was good when they measured it (LH 2.9, FSH 3.9) as with my AMH though that's now 1.5 years old as was at the beginning of our IVF journey. The only thing wrong with me is age and probably endo (although no idea of extent). I don't know if it's worth having a lap before I do the FET, to get rid of any endo??
Did you do anything different when t finally worked? Or was it just sheer perseverance? X

Tbh this was the cycle we did nothing

No scratch. No glue. No eating lots of protein Brazil nuts - boiled eggs - chicken - pineapple - keeping feet warm to keep uterus warm

We tried it all lol

Only think may have been different was as a fet and we were on holiday I ended up having more of progynova instead of usual 20 days (lining checked day 13 wnd fet day 20) mine was day 29

So they checked lining back from holiday at think day 22 and fet was a week later

Lining was always the same 1.1 in all 5 attempts

Did the extra drugs help

Or was it just cocididence

I will never know but was overjoyed to be preg and dd is almost 9mths now

Had fet at 42. Bfp at 43 and 3mths after giving birth was 44

@Blondeshavemorefun - thank you - your reply has given me hope for my Frosties. I have been feeling that they won't work as why would they work when the others haven't, but you never know I guess.
I'm trying to decide if I should use the time between now and my likely FET to do a lap - we are lucky to had money that we had saved for work to our house that I could use to go private if necessary. I don't know how that works though to be honest, but I have this niggling feeling that I should have a lap as what if it's the endo causing this and there is something that could help (clearing it out) but I'm not doing it...
have another appointment to check that my miscarriage is complete next week, so will ask them about it then.

Tbh I wouldn’t bother with a lap till you’ve used all the frozen

It won’t make a difference to a fet working or no

That’s just luck

It’s possibly due to age that even tho you fall preg that sadly the embroys aren’t suitable hence why have mc :(

I would use the frozen. Then if fail use donor eggs. Time isn’t on your side 💐

hobbes didn't want to read and run. so sorry to hear of your miscarriage. its particularly cruel when you've suffered for so long, finally get BFP then this. Awful for you

Try not to lose hope. 2 frosties is better than nowt and this is a numbers game. Either of them could stick xx