Infertility ruining my sex life. Need advice/commiserations please

[Isthismummy]

I strongly suspect I'm far from alone with this problem. I could really use either advice, or just people to make me feel like less of a half woman!

Up until infertility struck I always had a very healthy libido. DH (then DP) and I had only been together three years, and things were really good in that department.

Now after two years of trying (and one miscarriage and a diagnosis of POF down) everything has changed. I'm hardly ever in the mood, and have no time to even think about sex (I'm too busy thinking about being barren) A lot of the time when we do have sex I feel awkward/like it's pointless/just can't get in the mood. I do still enjoy it sometimes, but rarely.

DP is only a young man and he deserves better than this! I'm so angry that infertility has even robbed me of one of lifes basic pleasures.

Not sure what I'm asking really. I think I just need to vent. Feeling furious at the shitty hand life has dealt me this weekend.

No advice - just commiserations. Exactly the same happened to us. Beyond grim. Hang on in there!

Thanks Willieowinsbury sorry to hear this happened to you too. Did you manage to come out the other side eventually? I don't feel like we ever will atm.

We were trying for over 2 years, timed sex at ovulation etc and it made it like a chore.
Then we went through IVF and we couldnt have sex.
It worked, I'm pregnant and now my DP has been freaked out since ive been showing, so again, no sex. I wonder if it will ever recover

How is it going in terms of your treatment? Have you been referred? Told what your options are? If its moving along just concentrate on that the ball is moving. Or you could fake it til you make it.

We just always make sure we find the time for evenings with baths, candles, music, massages etc I find that it helps keep the intimacy and really helps get into the mood.

cherryontop I've been diagnosed with POF. I did conceive in June, but miscarried at five weeks. We've moved on to egg donation abroad. Our donor actually had her egg collection today.

We've just had another fight earlike actually. We started having sex, but I couldn't get into it. I just feel SO pressured. I'm stressing about our eggs fertilising and making it to blast. I feel really anxious and on edge, but I'm supposed to clear my mind for an hour for sexy fun times. Ugh! Just had a cry in the bathroom.

JoJo I can't remember the last time DH offered me a massage. Tbh I don't think candles etc would be any help. It would just make me feel even more anxious about not getting in the mood.

It's just shit basically. I feel such a failure as a wife and a woman at the minute

Oh and I'm sorry you're going through the same bollocks cherryontop it's the pits

Congratulations on your pregnancy though

Isthismummy that is real crappy to hear. Have you looked into ovarian rejuvenation? I know it’s experimental but wasn’t everything at some stage.

We had this, took us 4 years to conceive and our sex life went to shit. We had took breaks from TtC (so making sure we didn't have sex in my fertile window) and didn't ... oh god how to say .. erm finish in the say needed for babies. That helped make it more like sex for us rather than for a potential baby.

I looked into it AniSL but tbh I'm not convinced as of yet. It seems like a very long shot thing, whereas egg donation is much more likely to work. If I were a rich woman I'd probably give it a shot though.

Sorry to hear of what you went though sourpatchkid it's just utterly shit isn't it? I feel anxious at the very thought of having sex right now. I know DH is really frustrated and that makes me feel guilty. Why do women have to be all bloody things to all people? The last two years have turned me into even more of a raging feminist than I was before. I just feel the unfairness and pressure so keenly atm!

When we were told hubby was azoospermic he became disinterested in dtd. It took time but we worked on it together and made it about us connecting (no pun intended) in an intimate spiritual and fun way. It took time and a lot of conversation but we are in a place where we no longer give conceiving more importance than us.
I know it’s crappy and I am not going through the same but we really had to work together to get past it.

Same.... after 4 years of TTC, successful ivf and a 2 year old.....my libido has never really recovered.....hubby doesn’t press it but it’s another thing to feel guilty for!
I’m nearly 33 so been waiting for that “peak” women get in their 30s!!!!

I can’t really offer any useful advice, but I can promise you that you’re so not alone - our sex life is crap as well. I so rarely feel remotely interested in sex, so when we are in FW I really have to make myself. DP struggles as well. It’s heartbreaking at times because I really do love him and it’s not that I’ve in any way gone off him, but it’s just sex itself has become this unpleasant ritual I suppose. Sorry if TMI but I really struggle with dryness, which I never used to, and this definitely doesn’t help at all. I’ve tried fertility lube stuff but he hates that. It’s insane when I think of my teenage self, when my only worry was getting pregnant! All I can say is that I do try to talk to him about it and reassure him that I love him and want him, and we do sometimes manage to laugh about the situation which helps a bit!

My issue is my hubby seems to be less interested in sex than I am. We’ve been together 11 years (married for 18 months) and we used to have great, frequent sex. Even before we started to conceive our sex life diminshed, he works shifts so we are like ships in the night, when we do see each other we’re tired. He’s been diagnosed as low motility, I’ve had my tubes flushed and we are going for ICSI. Hubby has very recently been diagnosed with early onset arthritis in his hip so has made TTC even rarer as he’s in pain. So effectively means having the flush was pointless. I get upset as I feel that he doesn’t want me, even though he says he does. I also don’t know what to say to the consultant, do we lie and say of course we’re at like rabbits, or be honest and say the whole TTC thing has reduced our sex life, life gets in the way (they know he works shifts and we have said that we DTD as often as possible with his job) and now he’s in pain so that reduces us trying as well now.

Hi ladies, I'm new to this site, so please bear with me... I stumbled across Mumsnet tonight after storming out of bed after DH fell asleep without somuch as looking in my direction, and had a meltdown on my kitchen floor. We've been TTC for almost 2 years now, I have endo and had a lap&dye with laser treatment in November '17. Doc's said that we won't start talking about ivf until Nov '18 and it's driving me insane.... Add to that the fact that DH either falls asleep without looking at me or (sorry if TMI) can't "finish" if we dtd on consecutive days and, yes, that's enough to tip me into a meltdown. He won't talk about stuff either which makes it really difficult. He says he wants a baby but I can't see how we're supposed to conceive if we can't even dtd?!? We managed it on Saturday morning & Sunday night but not since then and Ov is due today so I think we're out for this month...again. It's supposed to be such an amazing time but I've never felt so low.
I'm sorry that you ladies are having similar problems although it's encouraging to hear that I'm not alone