Worst ways to find someone else is pregnant?

[MaccaPaccaismyNemesis]

New one for me today...in a group whatsapp message from dsis with the scan picture. At work at my desk. Just about managed to not burst into tears at my desk and held it in til I got to my car later on. She knows how much I’ve gone through with three years ttcing, 3 miscarriages and a diagnosis of PCOS and yet she didn’t think to tell me privately.

I know this isn’t AIBU, but am I for feeling hurt and upset about this?

Yanbu.

Would you consider her a friend as well as a dsis?

Usually yes, she is very dear to me but I feel a bit blindsided by this tbh

Hi MaccaPacca

Sorry for your baby bomb. They are so hard to deal with as we struggle on

I understand how you feel, but perhaps she thought that telling you via text would be better as you could have a cry etc to yourself and put on a brave face when you see her? Whereas if she had have told you face to face you wouldn’t have time to process the news first.

I’ve read other threads where ladies who are ttc have said they actually prefer news via text so that you can process how you are feeling in private first before having to congratulate her when you next meet face to face.

I think in these type of baby bomb situations there is no one size fits all approach on how to break the news to those ttc. Every lady will have her own preference.

Hope this helps

Px

Although just re reading your post...

If she just sent a photo of the scan that is a bit insensitive if not accompanied by some words to the affect “I know this must be hard on you” etc.

Px

Just a scan picture with the due date not in a private message, on the family group which we use to chat, make plans etc. A bomb indeed.

Arrrr baby bombs were are the worst I hope you're ok

I had a thread on here the December before last, a friend gave me a present to open. Turns out it was a baby grow "to keep safe until I am born" for her unborn child as a pregnancy announcement/ this is your Christmas present, kick in the tits combo (she knew we had fertility issues)

Nice.

I can look back on it now and laugh at how horrifically self absorbed and ridiculous it was of her. I hope it makes you laugh too

Worst for me was finding out that my sister and her daughter in law googled the best way to tell someone with fertility issues about a pregnancy. It just felt so patronizing. Fair enough go ahead and do the googling and be sensitive ... no need to tell me that you did it!

totsalot bloody hell that’s horrific. I’ve heard of and also been on the receiving end of some insensitive comments, but that has to be the winner.

maccapacca you are not being at all unreasonable to be hurt and upset about it. Baby bombs are difficult enough, but when they’re delivered in this manner it’s even worse.

It’s so awful when that happens.

I had a (now ex) friend who on hearing about my 4th miscarriage tagged me in a pic of her scan on Facebook with a message that it was to “cheer me up” and so I could know that “these things do work, you just have to believe”. I’d only i’d know that was all it took I would now be in the middle of my 5th IVF cycle.

Hopefully your DSis didn’t mean to be insensitive and just had a moment of not thinking that it was in a group chat.

Oh that's awful Macca I'm sorry. tots that's absolutely horrific!

My worst was when a colleague, just after my IVF failed, said "Guess who's pregnant again? Not sure how since I've only had sex three times in five years!" We're both midwives, we bloody well know how it happens! She'd also just got back from her second mat leave six months prior, and then complained about having three under five. Still quite cross about that one if I'm honest...

Thank you all, have licked my wounds a bit by splurging in the Black Friday sales after work. Feeling a bit downhearted today and not really sure how to proceed. Dsis is not really addressing it apart from cancelling plans for this weekend and saying she didn’t know how to tell me. Really want to talk to her but no answer when I called. Feeling a bit isolated from my family as everyone is dropping kids left, right and centre it would seem. DH is being lovely, (and did not mention the Lancome bag when I walked in).

Hearing your stories makes me think there really should be a campaign about not saying to people ‘when are you thinking about having kids’ or ‘wouldn’t your DS like a brother/sister?’ because the next person that asks me is going to get it with both barrels.

I'm sorry MaccaPacca, as someone who struggles with infertility this would be a nightmare for me too. People are so insensitive. I had similar - BIL brought the scan picture to show us even though he knew we were struggling. I hope you can have a good weekend

Ugh that's rough :( especially from a sister. I was thinking recently about how I'm not sure there is a good way to hear the news of someone else's pregnancy these days. It always leaves me feeling crap and crying on my own later.

That said, my husband's twin sister announced her pregnancy a couple of weeks ago. Having told everyone else who was in the house at the time, she waited until I'd come into the room, full of silent, knowing people, waited for me to sit in an armchair and then announced it to me. With everyone watching for my reaction. Everyone there knows we have fertility issues, and they also all know I had a miscarriage earlier this year, after a long time of trying. I don't think I've ever had to act so hard in my life to appear delighted. They had been trying for "a few weeks, lol"...

Sorry that your dsis has upset you op.
The worst that I've heard wasn't a friend but two nurses while I was in hospital. I was in A&E having arrived in an ambulance as I'd collapsed due to what turned out to be a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. I'd literally just been scanned and told what had happemed so was in shock as well as extreme pain, and was awaiting being taken for emergency surgery. Two nurses began a conversation at the entrance to my cubicle with one congratulating the other on her pregnancy. One of them had been with me minutes before. When I thought back afterwards I couldn't believe their lack of consideration, it was so inappropriate.

Ninja that is awful

OP sorry your sister doesn’t have any tact also.

I’ve had a couple of clangers too. There’s no easy way to hear of others pregnancy but some are definitely better than others (a text received when the sender knows I’m at home so that I can deal with my emotions in private preferably).

When out for lunch with a friend and after telling her about our recent ivf disaster she responded with ‘well at least you have one. I hope I don’t struggle’. I ended up offering HER a load of platitudes about how I was sure she’d be fine etc... less than two weeks later she drops a scan photo into a group WhatsApp message ‘Baby X due XXXX’....?! She didn’t announce until 16 weeks so clearly had even already had her 12 week scan when she made her comment to me. I was so confused

Some people are insane, clearly.

I understand people dont know understand inferility and can't handle awkward information, but still, some things are mental.

tots sending you a baby grow? That's batshit crazy.