IVF will never work-quit job?

[Fatewillsortit]

5 weeks so after our second failed ivf, our doctors informed us that ivf will never work as there is a chromosome issue with either the egg or sperm. We are obviously digesting this slowly but the issue i have is with my job.
I teach childcare which means I live, eat and breathe children. I have been signed off for stress but am now trying to decide whether to quit my job as he thought of standing in front of a class discussing a topic which is so painful to me is terrifying and overwhelming. What would you do?

That's quite a complex decision.

What will you do instead?
Are you considering further fertility tests or techniques (donor gametes, MRT, embryo adoption)?
How old are you?

Does he mean that either you or DH have a chromosomal issue which is inherited and which is stopping you getting pregnant, or does he mean that the two IVFs likely had embryos with a chromosomal abnormality.

The latter is very common, but doesn't mean IVF would never work (might need to go to preimplantation diagnosis though); the former is much less likely, but if true, maybe genetic counselling would be a way to explore the options.

I know that wasn't what you asked.....

Thanks so much for replying-to hear a stranger telling me its complex is strangely reassuring! We have been told more likely to be an issue with me so donor eggs could be the next step or adoption.
I'm 38 and open to taking on any kind of work (I'm not afraid of hard work). My doctor had no issue signing me off 3 weeks ago as i have an excellent record (knew i wasnt faking as i never go to the dr!) My husband has a stable job so in theory we could get by financially.

When DH sperm was put with my egg, they only divided into 3 (rather than 4). It happened to all 11 eggs that they had recovered.

This is really early days after upsetting news. Making big decisions while you're still stunned might not be wise,

Can you try thinking of your work in a different way? Reframing it in your head as a help on your mission to be a parent?

"I'll be glad of this expertise when I have a newborn."
"I'll be glad of this maternity package when I'm pregnant."
"I'll be glad if this job title when we're going before the adoption panel."

Because you have time and options.

I'd also be careful about putting yourself in a "just managing" financial situation.

If you think you might need a career change in the medium term, start looking and thinking now, but don't act yet.

That's what I'd say if you were DSis, anyway.

And take another couple of weeks' sick leave if you need it.

Some good points well made - thanks.
Financially, i don't have to stay in my current job and i think you have given me some things to consider.
I suspect one of my big issues at the moment is I'm worried about continuing to be on sick leave. I have no idea of the process, and so don't know if it's acceptable to keep going back to the Dr. They've signed me off for four weeks but i don't know if they will sign me off again.
No harm is asking i suppose.
Thank you for your advice-much appreciated! ☺😍

I think you should get some counselling. That works best if you’re not coping mentally. If you’ve enjoyed your career before, perhaps it is the right line of work for you. Changing jobs isn’t going to suddenly make you feel mentally ok and happy with how life is.

I think part of the problem seems to be that your IVF Clinic have been a bit vague as to what's going on. Has your DH had his chromosomes tested? Did you have ICSI? What are they suggesting? Saying it might be your eggs isn't quite good enough I don't think. It could be his sperm or both.

Can you have a follow up consultation with them?

I think you need some more answers from them so that you can have a plan going forward. I'm sure you're probably aware of www.fertilityfriends.com? If not there are loads of real,y knowledgeable posters there to guide you.

One last thing, I think the best value you get in any IVF clinic is from the very first consultation even more so if you can go armed with any test results. So I'd suggest trying to make appointments at the top 2 clinics in the UK for a consultation/second opinion.

I'd urge caution in jacking your job in right now and try to get some breathing space in stead especially if you think you'll pursue further
treatment.

We have been through an array of treatments/test including clomid and ovarian drilling (nhs) then ivf followed by ivf with icsi. All DR's couldnt find an obvious issue. We had icsi this time. The clinic were shocked that it didn't work as the quality of both sperm and eggs looked good. The morning after the embryologist suggested that it was more likely to be an egg issue as icsi tends to solve sperm issues.
I'll have a look at fertility friends, thanks.
If I'm being brutally honest, i haven't enjoyed my job for a while and was holding out for maternity benefits. 😞

Do you have another career in mind and is it achievable?
I agree with previous poster and I wouldn't necessarily change such an important part of your life when you are coming to terms with the news (which to me sounds like it needs further clarification anyway).
Leaving work (albeit work that makes you sad currently), could just open up a different bag of worries and stresses.
Good luck

I would push for more info from your clinic... Our clinic advised against ICSI (as long as DH's sample was ok - it was, thankfully) as there's a higher chance of abnormalities with ICSI than with IVF, as they really don't have a lot to go on with visual sperm quality. ICSI can deal with low sperm count and low mobility but I don't think it eliminates the chance that sperm may be carrying the wonky bits. Can you get a second opinion? That's if you want one...

Sorry, that's probably not helpful. Esp if you don't like your job! If you don't like your job then quit anyway, and find something that inspires you. But make sure that the clinic are totally straight with you. Speculations helps nobody (saying that as a speculator on your thread!!)

Well, if you haven’t enjoyed your job then it makes sense to look at new careers. Personally, I’d deal with all the IVF grieving first, though. It’s a lot to deal with so I wouldn’t risk unemployment or money worries all at the same time. I’d give it a few months to consider your options, eg no children, donor eggs or adoption etc and once your mind is at peace with that, think about careers.

On a side note, with the embryos that fail to carry on dividing so early on, it is an egg problem as the father’s genes don’t even kick in till the 4-8 cell stage. With high sperm fragmentation, there’s usually a high drop off rate after day 3 and increased rate of early miscarriages. But at first it’s the egg that is in charge.

Thanks you for all your thoughts. JoJoSM2- you have explained the medical aspect very well to everyone (i had obviously failed to do this) 😉. We are at peace with the medical advice we have been given and understand our options (egg donor, adoption or child free).
I saw a work colleague yesterday and i have been left with the impression no one is expecting me back for a while. I became quite emotional while with her and she commented that it isn't my usual way (im not an emotional person at work) so work should not even be on my agenda. I have some sense of calm that a work colleague can see that I'm far from my usual self.
I was left with the impression they're not expecting me back until after Christmas so just git to hope the doctor will keep signing me off!

Hi OP
Have you sought a second opinion? Did they have you on a high stick dose?
I had “poor egg quality” from the nhs after my utter rubbish cycle there. Went to a private clinic and was on much lower stims and got same number of eggs and no such rubbish egg quality. Ended up with 7 blasts from 11 in my private round after only having 2 from 11 get to 4 cell on day 3 at my nhs Clinic.

Some places are just designed to roll out bog standard ivf Which doesn’t suit half the people who are being treated.

Wow Landy, you’ve made it to my list of top nhs ivf bodge jobs. Having said that, quite of lot of couples don’t seem to get anywhere near blasts or bfp until they go to a top private clinic. Landy, which one did you go with if you don’t mind me asking?

Have you had a sperm defragmentation test?
It will tell you what % of the sperm have abnormal DNA/chromosomes

If this % is high, ICSI isn’t great but you can use IMSI or PICSI to by-pass some of the issues

If it comes back normal, and it points towards an egg issue, you could look at a natural cycle or mild stim cycle with supplements like DHEA and co Q-10 to see if that helps egg quality. It’s also worth reading ‘It starts with an egg’ to find out more on improving egg quality

Good luck

Hi Landy! We were at a good clinic with a great reputation. I was on a short cycle with low dosage for my first round of straight forward ivf (sperm failed to penetrate), second cycle was same same dosage but poor response so was cancelled. Last cycle was higher dose and got the same amount of eggs as the first round. Icsi procedure and the rest you already know!
I've just found out I've got an occupational health appointment tomorrow-does anyone know what to expect??? ☹

Fate - Sounds like you’ve been at a good clinic so I won’t go on anymore. I just feel so bad for people being treated in one size fits all places and then thinking it’s the end of the road for them.
What is your age, Amh and fsh? Please don’t feel you have to reply.
Jojo - went to argc after nhs. I know they get a bad rep on here sometimes but for me it was a major game changer, although I did frequently HATE dealing with their admin.