Looking for support/hugs/advice after failed fresh transfer

[Blondiecub0109]

Hi all, long term reader/lurker first time really reaching out. 34, first cycle, male issues, had icsi and got 4 embryos to day 5. Was told they would happily have put any of them in but one was outstanding and went with that. Had suffered very badly physically after egg collection but felt much better this week esp with everyone saying how great embryo was. Had some cramping and then Friday started spotting which was late implantation I thought then full on heavy bleed. This has knocked me for six. Clinic advise is keep taking pessaries and test a week from now as planned, but that seems so futile. Still bleeding heavily. Gutted doesn’t cover it but I’m more scared about what happens next. I know that 3 frozen is a blessing but I get the impression that my clinic (nhs) will just schedule a FET without any investigation as to why this failed. I’m really worried there’s something rare/strange wrong with my uterus or hormones that they haven’t picked up. Rationally, I know it also a chance of an embryo issue or body still recovering from EC. I’m also feeling really lonely as live a long way from family and friends don’t really know how to deal with what we’re going through. Any advice/ support welcome. I know that my age and the frozen embbies are hopes to cling to, also in Scotland so two more NHS cycles plus FETs potentially on offer. Xx

I’m sorry it hasn’t worked out for you. IVF can be a bit of a lottery and some embryos just don’t take but others do. A few couples get lucky and have a baby after their first fresh round but most have more goes before (if) they get lucky.

I think there are positives in your situation as you do have some high quality embryos in the freezer. Just look after yourself and you’ll have a good chance with the FET.

And I see how you’re fretting about there being something wrong with the uterus, but given the lottery aspect of IVF, it’s also likely to be absolutely fine. Clinics wouldn’t normally suspect a problem with the uterus unless you’ve had a few embryos not take.

Sorry to hear it hasn’t worked for you.

Your body is going through so much with the collection I would try and look at this as a chance to take stock, and prepare both physically and mentally for FET.

We had similar circumstances, not the same, and at the time I was devastated. Fast forward 4 months, after a follow up consultant appointment to discuss the situation and next steps, a decent holiday to relax, some acupuncture, different medication - I was prepared, if anything, more so, for the transfer.

I can only offer my story after what was a horrible part of the IVF journey, turning into a positive focus time on me. The ifs / buts / maybes disappeared for a little while whilst we both recovered from the ivf process and experiences we’d just gone through.

Be kind to yourself x

Also, I would strongly recommend you confiding in a friend - even a virtual one. I drew a lot of strength from www.fertilityfriends.co.uk - they people on that site were my rocks.

Sorry to hear it didn't work. I had really bad reaction to egg collection which became OHSS but not severe and they still put an embryo in. It could be that that made this one not work.
There is some evidence out there that frozen cycles have slightly higher/same success rates as fresh cycles.
I'm currently starting another round with frozen embryos and live in Scotland (central) too if you ever want to chat.

I appreciate each and everyone of you taking the time to post. The kindness, and kindest, of strangers. Thank you for your helpful words and suggestions. My mum has booked a last minute flight to come up from London as I feel really lonely, I just wasn’t prepared to be disappointed so early on and so catastrophically. DH said to me ‘it’s ok to be sad’ and I guess I need to be sad first to be able to move on. Thank you all x

it’s ok to be sad

My DH used to say this to me too.

It’s a sad situation to be in, and absolutely is more than ok to be sad. As well as angry, pissed off and beyond frustrated and the journey you’ve been through and the future months.

Strangers make the best source of comfort in an hour of need. Honestly Blondie, we’re here for you. That is so lovely of your mum to book a flight. It’s something to look forward to.

It's totally okay to be sad!
Remember that you have a bunch of frozen embryos and more transfers there for you and depending on the outcome of this one, they will adjust your protocol accordingly.

I know it's super hard when you feel so much hope for the cycle, but you have a number of funded cycles for a reason, because on average that's how many it takes. Many NHS trusts wouldn't fund that number of goes otherwise (not withstanding that in many areas they don't fund at all or fund fewer goes). I doubt very much there is anything weird with your uterus or hormones. Sometimes the embryo looks great but genetically isn't meant to be. Doesn't impact on the others. Sometimes you need different drugs. Every cycle is a learning experience that gets you a step closer to a positive outcome x