Just back from first fertility clinic apt..

[catlover1987]

And feeling utterly deflated. So much form filling! Had an internal scan which all looked normal. Asked to be referred for a laparoscopy as I have all the symptoms of endometriosis but the nurse said this wasn’t routine. Had a load more bloods done and I’ll be back to see the consultant in 3 months, but apparently no further investigations or treatments will be carried out until I’ve lost 3 stone. I’ve already lost 2 stone but it’s taken me since January. I just feel really hopeless as it’s all taking such a long time. Sorry, just wanted to rant as my husband seems really depressed after the appointment and doesn’t want to talk about it today.

Hi catlover sorry to hear of your disappointment. I too am having to lose a bit more weight before I can get on with treatment. It's hard especially when it can make you feel a bit down which can make you want to comfort eat. Could I ask what your BMI is currently?

Thanks for the reply soapy. My bmi is currently 38 and I need to get it under 30. Not complaining at the guidelines. I know they are there for a reason and that I am very overweight and unhealthy. Just frustrated at myself I suppose. Knowing I’m prolonging the process is hard to hear. But I’ll do what I need to to get in shape.

I think it’s easy to see weight loss as a hurdle before trying but I think you should look at the weight loss as a solution too - the reason they make you loose weight is because it ups the odds of success and makes a viable pregnancy by which ever means much more likely. So I think see the weight thing as that if you can -sorry I’m not putting it well. Try imaging yourself already pregnant when on your diet or exercising.
I think the battle will be for you to keep positive so do whatever it takes to help yourself emotionally - here is a good support

Here as in munsnet

I think it’s really impressive that you’ve lost two stone. I’m sure you’ve got the strength to lose more.

JoJo and Themummy are both right. What a great way to think of it Themummy*

What sort of things are you doing to lose weight catlover? Is there anything you may be able to add in doing now that you have lost a couple of stone? The last week or so I have made a real effort to get up and walk around as often as possible and it is making a difference on the scales already.

Losing 2 stone since January is no easy feat. You’re doing so well keep going. I know I need to lose around 3 stone too, which is why despite TTC for 14 months I’ve only just gone to the GP to start the ball rolling. You can do it. You want it enough. Just keep going. Xxx

Thanks for the advice everyone. I’ve been doing slimming world but will be the first to admit that my heart hasn’t been in it the last few months so need to get back to following it strictly.

On reflection, a few days later, I think it wasn’t being told to lose weight that bothered me (as I know this) but the general attitude of the nurse I saw and how dismissive she was of everything.

I went in with a list of all the endometriosis symptoms I had and she said there’s no way I have it as she couldn’t see anything on the scan. But I’m pretty sure this can only be diagnose by laparoscopy. She also told me if my cycle is 28 days, then I can’t be ovulating on day 16 as I’ve thought. But again, I’m pretty sure this is possible if you have a short luteal phase. She said my extreme tiredness will just be because I’m depressed and she looked aghast when I said I have the odd glass of wine.

I really hope the consultant I see next is more helpful and in the meantime, I’ll keep plodding along with SW and the gym.

Just to add well done with the weight loss!
Also that I know the weight loss path to IVF and build up, tests can seem to take aaaages (I've been there in all counts!) but once the process starts, depending on the protocol, things can move very quickly indeed! Also why it can feel such a rollercoaster at times.

I know what you mean about HCPs being dismissive at appointments I remember being so frustrated I burst in to tears after a hospital appointment many years ago when they just wouldn't listen and insisted my only option was to go on the pill.
Well done on going to SW and the gym. Are there any online sw pages that you could join for motivation/inspiration. I know a lot of people use Pinch of Nom for meal plans/recipes, Fopperholic is another or even just Instagram/twitter. Keep going you can do this and will be so proud of yourself.

Totally in the same boat. Don't even know how much more weight I need to lose! Thanks Themummy76 such a lovely way to think of it. I'm with you OP!

Just calculated I need to lose 3st 10.5 lbs for BMI 35 and 6st 1.5st for BMI 30! OMG! Just had a little cry with hubby! Better get my arse into gear when it comes to SW!

If I hadn't had any gains at SW I'd just be 11lb off!

For any kind of fertility treatment I’m told you need to have a BMI of under 30. So if you’re being weighed during the day wearing clothes, I’d aim for 4/5 lbs under your target of 30 BMI

I have like 32 lbs to lose 😭 I’ve already lost 30 lbs and put 10 back on since my mmc in February.

I have my 21 day bloods and scan this next few weeks and then referral. I’m expecting to be told the same, probably why I’ve put it off to be honest.

Same MouseLove I'm having 21 day bloods too and ultrasound next month!

I was in exactly the same situation at my first clinic appointment, and was devastated. It was so hard knowing it was me and my weight that was stopping us from being able to access treatment. In some ways it made it harder to lose weight because while I had a strong incentive I also felt a lot of guilt and responsibility and that wasn't good mentally, because I have problems with binge eating. It was really hard for my husband too because there was nothing he could do, he just had to sit and wait for me to lose the weight.

I hear you about the dismissive attitude too, especially when you've already lost a lot of weight and it feels like that's just been disregarded.

We got there in the end though and I lost enough weight to be prescribed Clomid. In the long run it was absolutely the best thing for me. My weight did creep back up and unfortunately I started pregnancy with a BMI of just over 30, but I was so much healthier and fitter than I was when it was 38, it made a huge difference to the health of me and my pregnancy.

Good luck, I hope everything works out for you

Thanks for taking the time to share your story AccrualIntentions it's really inspirational, I'll keep it in mind when I'm feeling shitty!

I defo want to be stronger and healthier at start of pregnancy!

You can do this!

Thanks everyone for the inspirational stories. I know I can do this but I do worry about the way it’s affecting my mental health. I too have quite a lot of issues with food and don’t want to get too obsessive about it. It’s lovely knowing there’s such a great support network here.

I'm sorry that you found the nurses attitude dismissive. I had a similar thing during my NHS cycle when the nurses couldn't cope with anything deviating from their 'norm' and I had to insist on seeing a consultant (who then contradicted what the nurses were telling me so I was right to go above them). This wasn't the case in the private clinic however as all my appointments were with doctors.

Just another word of warning, I had to lose weight before I could start my NHS cycle and didn't do it in the most healthy way. I reached my goal but was probably deficient in the necessary nutrients for conception. It didn't work. I had blood tests before my second cycle which proved that I was deficient in a number of things! Good luck

We had our first (and probably only :( ) appointment today - and I am also a bit deflated.

Probably unlikely to be successful with own (DW) eggs, and we are not keen on donor eggs which would require trip abroad.

We are - however - going to re-visit adoption as an idea.

We had our first (and probably only :( ) appointment today - and I am also a bit deflated.

Probably unlikely to be successful with own (DW) eggs, and we are not keen on donor eggs which would require trip abroad.

We are - however - going to re-visit adoption as an idea.