Does anyone get annoyed/upset with you for NOT talking?

[Mammabear31]

My mum. Love her to bits, but my god she wants to know everything - all the ins and outs. We have 1 ds and have been trying for another for 18 months. Fell in April but mc in May.

Went to see my GP yesterday to ask for PCOS tests and other things. Made the mistake of telling mum that I was going, now she's getting upset with me because I won't go into detail about my reproductive system I'm so sick of the emotional blackmail. Of course I tell her things - she knew when I was pregnant, and then when i miscarried - I kept her updated, but she asks to know every single tiny detail and then gets upset when I say i don't want to talk about it.

I just feel so fed up with it today, and I need to rant!!!!

When we had trouble TTC there was one family member I soon learned to tell nothing because exactly what you've described above happened, pretty much the only difference is that it wasn't PCOS and the person isn't my mum.

I was made to feel like a total cow for not wanting to talk. I though she was trying to be kind and felt guilty.

Now, many years later, we don't talk. I cannot abide her. She isn't kind. She thrives on the pain of others.

In any conversation about anything she mines and probes to find out what's was bad, what went wrong, who was not 100% perfect. Emotional vampire.

Hopefully your DM is not the same.

In any case, I continued to not share. I hid the truth. I was a total fucking Pollyanna around her. I lied. I pretended we had stopped trying for a while. I didn't tell her about a miscarriage. All the while I felt guilty for excluding her when she was only trying to be nice and angry with myself for being so weak as to be unable to talk to her about it or too weak to keep saying "I don't want to talk about it" like a broken record.

With the benefit of hindsight it was a waste of my mental energy beating myself up. I would do the same again, i.e. hide information and avoid her, but wouldn't feel bad.

Yes, I had that. My nosy SIL was pushing my dear MIL for details on why we had cancelled attendance for some family events. (MIL knew about IVF, SIL didn't but suspected.) We just didn't want to tell a lot of people, especially if it failed, but SIL took it personally. She obviously knew something was going on but didn't bother coming to us about it. Felt pretty rubbish that SIL put MIL in the middle, too and still a bit about that. DH ended up talking to her and she didn't say much afterwards.

Sorry your mum's being a bit nosy. Have you got any siblings or your OH to ask her to give you a bit of privacy?

I can totally sympathise. Even though they often mean well it can be so suffocating and frustrating!!

I never told my mum that we were trying as I knew I'd never hear the end of it especially as we tried for many years, but unfortunately after being hospitalised when I had a miscarriage with a lot of complications my DH told her. She then constantly bothered me about opening up and talking about things which I had no desire to do.

I'm now pregnant again and oh goodness, I wish we'd kept it secret for much longer because she's driving me insane! She's constantly checking up on me, pestering me about my appointments - wanting the dates of them and wanting to know the ins and outs. If I don't respond to her messages immediately she then calls me endlessly and does the same to my DH. Like you she makes me feel bad when I don't want to share.

When she's waffling on I do sometimes say 'mum, stop'. She's totally aware that she's nosey, controlling and a general busy body but she fails to see that due to this behaviour it means that I actually tell her far far less. It's a shame that they don't realise how much their actions impact us especially during such stressful times