I hate my body.
It has let me down so badly over the past few years. I've wanted a sibling for my DD for nearly 6 years, and when I became pregnant in March this year, I had an ectopic and surgery. We've never been careful at all and don't use any form of contraception, yet the only time it has happened, it ends in tears.
I also have a drug-induced movement disorder that I would be scared would get worse if I was pregnant again (hormones may possibly have an effect, but I don't know this for sure), plus I would be worried about another tough pregnancy or labour. I was induced in every way possible with DD and had a 9 hour labour, then an emergency C-section and post eclampsia. My family aren't too keen on me being pregnant again for these reasons, plus being out of work at the moment doesn't really help.
I am beginning to think I am only going to have one child. I am incredibly grateful and lucky to have a healthy, wonderful and happy child and would never take this for granted, nor do I want to make others who are childless think I am moaning about nothing. It's the awful helpless feeling that comes with secondary infertility that eats away at me and makes me so so so sad - the thought of never having another child again makes me feel quite devastated. I know people do ok having an only child, but I have always wanted two and I feel so depressed thinking I never will.
Sorry for the rant, I just need a bit of a hug today.