Infertility when Overweight - Please Help!

[taylor1027]

Hi! I'm pretty new here and to infertility. I'm looking for advice and general help with the experience of others. I had a hard time meeting with the gynaecologist a couple weeks ago. Here is a bit of back story.

We have been trying for baby for 15 months now. I am very overweight and I realise that (I do go to gym a few days a week and try to eat well but it just isn't coming off). My af can be difficult to pin down, ovulation tests seemed to never work and temp was never easy to track. I finally went to GP when af was at about 60 days without showing up which is pretty bad for me, even with irregular. After all was said and done, the only abnormality in testing was it showed I wasn't ovulating and ultrasound couldn't see my ovaries. PCOS was my original reason for going in and it hasn't been confirmed or denied but I do believe it is the issue.

Fastforward a few months and finally in at Gynaecologist. I expected an exam of some sort and a bit of a plan. Instead, the Gyno walked in said I was too overweight to do anything and probably no one would help me because I'm 'high risk'. He wouldn't listen to me at all and I completely shut down. I was referred to someone else, I don't even know what the appointment is for but it's in 2 months, repeat scan and repeat blood test.

I'm wondering about other peoples experiences being overweight and having issues. Is this how appointments go? I just got so down and cried the whole way home. Please help :(

Taylor, sorry about your struggle there's nothing worse than wanting a child and having no luck...but unfortunately your doctor is right. With a BMI of 40, No specialist will give you treatment. The risks and the low success levels just don't make it worth it.

I have PCOS and my BMI was over 30. Exercise done nothing so i done slimming world. I couldn't afford it really, but it's only £5 a week and if it gets me on the way to have a child, then I'd do anything.
Which sort of makes me think maybe your heart isn't in it as much as you think. To say you won't do diets cos of the expense (which is a lot less than having a child to clothe and feed btw), it sounds like your making excuses if I'm honest.

If you have the motivation, you could lose a lot weight in the next 2 month and be on Clomid or be referred for IVF.

The balls in your court.

Sounds like you've been trying to lose weight for a year and it hasn't worked, so it seems you need to try something different. I'd consider giving up gym membership (and replace with free outdoor activity) and use the money towards SW/WW membership. Focus on your diet might be your best way forward.
Also my GP prescribed me Metformin for PCOS related weight issues. I know the evidence base for this is mixed and some Gaps won't prescribe but it made a big difference to my weight. Worth investigating, maybe :)

RubyBoots7 - Yeah I'm going to see what happens at this next appointment in November and go from there.

cherryontopp- I love how people keep judging me because I don't want to pay for diet websites lol. I know what I need to do to lose weight but it just hasn't happened for me in the last year. My original post was not about how to lose weight.

OverinaFlash - Yes! I do like myfitnesspal, it's what I used previously when I lost about 60lbs and what I do currently use now as well :)

Sorry to hear you are struggling taylor I've had to lose weight to be eligible for treatment. I was only referred as I had already started losing weight. Everyone along the way has mentioned the importance of losing weight to helping my chances. It has also been mentioned once that they used to feel fat cells just sat there doing nothing but now they know they do affect your hormones.
I was told to get BMI below 35 so I can get Clomid and when I went recently they advised they would prefer me to get BMI under 32 before I start taking them. They advised they will have more chance of working the nearer to a healthy weight I am. The Dr also advised that the reasons you can't get help at a higher weight are due to the risks during pregnancy of being overweight as well especially gestational diabetes.
I have PCOS and was doing some reading about it the other day and every website I saw mentioned weight making it worse. It made me feel quite guilty tbh.
It's so hard to lose and if it makes you feel miserable that makes you a bit less motivated. Is there a friend that is also interested in losing weight that you might be able to buddy up with to send texts to each other every now and again with how your eating is going etc or maybe a weight loss thread on here to join.

Just thought I'd give you some hope! I've struggled with PCOS and weight problems since early teens. After following slimming world diets and losing 2 stone I finally got pregnant without any help after trying to conceive for over 2 years. I really gave up hope but I'm currently 27 weeks! I know exactly how you feel and its so upsetting but please don't think PCOS makes it impossible.

Soapychoc- thank you for your reply! I do feel so guilty but i do have a plan set in place for myself until my next appointment so we will see how it goes! I have a very supportive husband as well!

C4bbage- it makes me feel better to know that thank you so much! And congrats on baby! Hope i have the same results :)

Yes Taylor your original post is not about how to lose weight, but it is about how your weight which is stopping you getting your fertility treatment.

I am not judging in any way, but you stated earlier you can't afford slimming world which is £5 pound a week, so it does beg the question if you can't afford this small amount, how do you expect to raise a baby.
Not being judgemental- just practical.

It seems like you don't like people telling the truth at all.
The doctors can be insensitive yes, but they do it for medical reasons and to give you the best chance of success . If you want a child, you'll do everything u can to lose weight. Stop making excuses and lose weight. It's the only thing that's in the way.
If you do manage to lose weight, alot of PCOS ladies end up falling pregnant naturally.
Only you can do something about it.

Just to add re Slimming World and Weightwatchers, they're really not just faddy diet clubs/websites... Obviously you know what works for you (and as you say, has done in the past), but they might be worth looking into if you need extra motivation. There have been Government-funded scientific research studies done which have shown that women have more success at losing weight with such groups than they do by going it alone (with just advice given by a GP). This is why in some trusts, you can get free referrals to SW or WW on the NHS.

It isnt about not liking to hear the truth, its about having a bit of empathy. I know im fat. I wasnt aware the doctor/process would be that harsh and wanted to make sure i was being treated like everyone else. Since i am, fine, whatever. Ill get on with it.

Also you don't have to join slimming world to do the diet. I just googled recipes and all of the rules re syns etc and I've found it so much easier than calorie counting! Despite losing weight I'm still classed as over weight and know how harsh the Doctors can sound but it really does work for a lot of people

I was told to get BMI below 35 so I can get Clomid and when I went recently they advised they would prefer me to get BMI under 32 before I start taking them.

There are definitely regional variations, I wasn't prescribed Clomid until I could get my BMI below 30 and as far as I'm aware (didn't get that far) it would have had to be below 27 for more invasive treatments.

@cherryonthetop younput it better then me

Yes op I know you didn't ask for financial advice but if people say lose weight and you say you can't afford to do the class costing £5/10 a week then as cherry said practically how will you cope easing a baby

Surviving in £138 a week is booody tough if used to working

60days without af must means there are other issues and hopefully a doctor will be able to help with this

I wish you luck in the future with weight loss and ttc

I know what I need to do to lose weight but it just hasn't happened for me in the last year.

I think if you've been doing something for a whole year and not lost any weight, then you don't know.

The advice is being offered to help you.

It seems like you don't like people telling the truth at all.
The doctors can be insensitive yes, but they do it for medical reasons and to give you the best chance of success . If you want a child, you'll do everything u can to lose weight. Stop making excuses and lose weight.

This. Exactly this. It may be harsh and it may sting, but I’m afraid it’s the truth. With a BMI of 40+, even relatively small changes to diet and lifestyle will see the weight fall off.

if you can afford the gym you can afford slimming world. It's priorities.

I do appreciate It's hard. I had ivf but unsuccessful (different issues to yours.)

Slimming world does work but you absolutely have to stick to it. I'm in exactly the same boat and have lost 2 stone this year. Still a long way to go (as my BMI is now 38) but I am well on my way and have now joined the gym too. If you really want this, you will find a way to find that £5 a week. That's a couple of coffees. I have joined online and it's cost me £60 for 3 months so a slight saving. But to be honest, you don't really need SW. I find that motivation of weighing in helps, but it really is just calories in v calories out and you can do that alone if you have a lot of willpower. I wish you luck OP, I really do.

Hey Taylor, just checking back in with you. I hope things are going your way

Most doctors seem to have missed the "communication" unit that other health professionals have to take! It's upsetting to hear but hopefully after the initial disappointment you'll find it a big motivator.

I have a BMI of 32 and manageable changes I'm currently taking are:

• Walking everywhere within 2-3 miles (apart from the weekly food shop!)
• Swimming 2-3 times a week doing sprint sets and rest sets
• Black tea and water only to drink, and a pint of water before meals
• Squats when brushing my teeth
• More cleaning!

I lose about 1-2 lbs a week this way and it's stress free without dramatic changes. Once I'm under a BMI of 30 I'll start adding new things and changing others, but I see it more as brain reprogramming rather than a massive overnight thing.

Hey! I looked through all the options given on here and decided to try out slim&save. I've stuck with it since 25th September and have a new order arriving today. Since I started I've lost 10.6lbs. As I'm dealing with an ongoing foot injury for the last 7 weeks it seemed like the best and most straightforward way to manage things, plus it fit in my portion of the food budget :) I've got babies and being a bridesmaid in 7 months motivating me haha!

(shameless plug...if you want to try slim&save you can use my code FTC-55413 to get 10% off :) )

That's brilliant, well done!

Over 10lbs is a fantastic start! Well done you. Hope the foot heals up soon

Wow that must be such a good feeling for such a positive start!! Congrats!! I always feel like once you do start losing it’s pretty motivational for further weight loss.

Thanks, ladies :) Made it through another weekend without cheating haha!