I'm in a really dark place pmdd ??

[Sarah1087]

Hi
I don't know where else to turn, I feel so depressed to the point I'm pushing my partner away, I cannot control my crying and everything seems so exaberated. In waiting for my pre op to check my tubes as hsg showed blocked R tube internal scan showed 6cm cyst, allegedly now gone. Will be starting treatment afterwards, anyway I'm certain I suffer from pmdd last month I was ok but was taking my vitamins, I haven't this month & I'm about to start af today or tomorrow.

The feelings of sorrow become unbearable to point I can't see a light at the tunnel, I'm crying all day every day I'm not sleeping l, I'm picking fights with my amazing OH I did loose my auntie this weekend and had some other bad news I've had 2 days off work in 3 weeks I'm exhausted. To point I scared myself yesterday thinking if I wasn't here then I wouldn't feel this way or even put my partner through this.

I've rang my doctors and demanded to see someone as I cannot handle it no more, but I'm so scared that if they diagnose me with depression or pmdd that they won't allow me to go through fertility treatment as they'll put me on the pill or antidepressants instead, this is why I'm putting it off, and I know it's pmdd as the last time I was like this was before end of my cycle and as soon as I started the new one I was fine. It's scaring me. Has anyone felt this way before x

I was getting very low about ttc awhile back and my doctor prescribed me sertraline which is considered 'safe' in pregnancy. I didn't need to stop ttc. It's more important for you to be healthy during pregnancy and the risks are weighed against potential rewards.

Hi Hun

I've just come back from doctors he thinks I do have pmdd, has given me mild sleeping tablets but didn't want to start me on any antidepressants Incase we need to start fertility treatment. He has signed me off work for the week but I'll be seeing him again next week so I'll ask about that. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy it's a horrible place to be xx

I'm really sorry you're going through this on top of everything else.

Did you feel this way before ttc?

How long have you need tycoon OP?

*ttc

Been trying 17 months. And no not really, the severe mood swings have only come on this last 5 months it's very weird. N thank you physicskate xx

TTC is really draining emotionally, but your response to trying for a relatively short time feels quite disproportionate OP. I wonder if that indicates that your feelings are more linked to depression/ emotional wellbeing than the ttc? It might be a good idea to stabilise your mental health before a pregnancy as pregnancy itself can have a really negative impact on mental health.

Very best of luck to you OP. I do hope you feel much better and also get a BFP very soon

Sarah, I've been trying about that length of time. I think I've had quite a negative (and definitely have felt insane at times, especially my reaction to relatively minor changes to 'the plan', eg, when my clinic booked me an appointment on a bank holiday, despite they weren't open and then didn't bother to tell me....) reaction more recently. A year and a half is plenty long, despite the fact that others have it worse... that doesn't make me feel better about my shit.

Grace, were you a beacon of patience and composure after ttc for a year and a half?? I think that's a bit insensitive to dismiss someone else's feelings (no matter if they are 'valid' in your eyes or not). We're all in a similar shit boat, why put someone down or make them feel even worse????

I've had a couple of counselling sessions to seek help for the major swings that I feel in my mood. Maybe that's something you might want to think about?

Perhaps part of your reaction (well, this is part of what I've found so difficult) is that it's ME that has to go through this; my friends, relatives have all had pretty easy rides, fell after a few months etc... It feels very unfair, especially for someone who's always worked hard to achieve goals, not had them fall in my lap.... I felt like I deserve to have an easy ride with this. But deserve doesn't really come into it. Perhaps that might be why it's only been the last 5 months - did it coincide with when you sought help??

Thanks physicskate you've hit the nail on the head there with everything you've said! And thanks for your input grace I know you mean well but I disagree with your opinion. I wish it was just because I've been trying 17 months but it's the mood swings, the thoughts of hopelessness the irrational behaviour towards my partner and everyone around me that I hate, once I'm out of the mood swings once my af has started that's when I look positively towards fertility treatment, then boom 10 days before af the depression kicks in. And the hell starts again.

He's put me down to see a councillor physicskate so hoping that can give me some closure, and I hope you start feeling better too sending you positive thoughts xx

Another PMDD sufferer here. There is a fantastic Facebook group, UK PMDD Support. I'd check it out.

hopefully the following will give you some hope. My mother struggled to conceive for years. She was eventually diagnosed with an ovarian cyst. After it was removed she conceived me (completely naturally) and had a perfectly normal pregnancy and baby. I hope things get better for you. It sounds like you have found a good doctor who is genuinely concerned with your needs so that is good too. Sorry about your recent loss also.

Thank you onlugodknowswhy I'll have a look at that. If it's private I'll join, I just don't want my friends or people on there knowing what's the matter.

And thank you for that lovely positive story ttb 💜 That's lovely to read, I hope that will be the case xx

Physics, I had been ttc for years for a second and have now given up entirely. Despite this, I haven't ever experienced the level of emotional distress that the OP describes. To me, it's very alien to be responding in that way at such an early point (or at any point really)! I wasn't being unkind, I was suggesting that OP may need professional support to manage the situation.

Ps. I'm referring to the 'crying all day every single day AND not sleeping!' Are you suggesting there isn't something unusual here?

Sorry OP, I was trying to helpful in the first post, not mean as physics suggests.

I'm not saying it is usual, but I don't think it is completely irrational. Some people have very complex emotions surrounding ttc that can be overwhelming.

I too think the OP needs support - and I am glad that her GP also has recommended counselling.

Grace, your situation sounds very exasperating, but it sounds like you have now come to peace with not having a second? I can't imagine how awful it would be to have one, and then expect to have another (perhaps the first one didn't take long?!)... that's a real kick in the crotch...

Hi girls I hope you're all doing ok today.

I'm sorry to hear that grace, has the doctor offered any treatment for you ?

First day on sick from work ( I've never had time off ) feels weird I'm still in my pj's everything seems so much an effort, I can only describe it as though I don't belong in my body I'm very foggy headed and cannot concentrate at all. But I'm blaming that on the amptriptaline the doctor gave me to sleep, I'm no but taking them tonight.

X

The OP has recently lost her auntie and had some other bad news. It's a lot on top of everything else, and worrying about blocked tubes and there being so much uncertainty about everything right now. The cumulative effect can become harder to handle, and maybe in the past the OP had more 'reserves', more resilience to cope with the usual PMDD / mood swings of her cycle? Thinking about how they've got worse in the last few months.

Sarah, I'm glad you're getting some help from the GP, and also counselling. Do cut yourself some slack and be gentle with yourself while you're on leave. x