falling down the rabbit hole?

[stillvicarinatutu]

im 45. i got pregnant easily at 44 but due to abnormality didnt continue and had a tfmr. i found that very hard to take. i was so optimistic and overjoyed getting pg in the first place.
its now been a year of ttc and it hasnt happened again.

i have put out feelers - just to look into possible options. its aroind £200 for a consult. ive been told i would need a scan and bloods doing at a further £180 and for preliminary tests on partner a further £155.

im guessing thats just the start. over£500 on preliminary tests.

can anyone talk me through this process and give me their honest take on how they found it? obviously the end game is looking into ivf but ive no idea if i can afford it and hadnt even thought about donor eggs. (likely required at my age or would need PGS (pre-implantation genetic screening) which i guess would be a whole new ball game.

do i even start with this?
thank you in advance if you can give me the low down. x

I think that's not very much for the initial tests and it's likely to be more. Legally, you'll both need to test for STIs before progressing to IVF - likely to another few hundred. For each IVF cycle, you'll probably looking at 5k-ish including meds but some clinics offer 3-cycle packages that work out a little cheaper.
Having said that, at 45 it is very rare to be able to have a baby either naturally or through IVF. Have a look at the HFEA website - the odds are probably 5% or so.
If you decide to go for donor eggs and you're healthy, then you'll have a chance as good as any young woman. I think a lot of ladies decide to head abroad as it's cheaper and easier to get donor eggs.

You might find a lot of info on Fertility Friends where there are many threads for ladies your age trying with their own and donor eggs.

PS. Genetic testing cost go into thousands on top your IVF and medication costs.

thank you. thats pretty much what i thought really - i just got lulled into believing i could have a baby because i got pg so easily at 44. my friend had a baby naturally at 45. (tho her dh was 17 years younger!) a colleague at work told me their friend was 47....a "surprise" !

the stats are so depressing.

i would consider donor eggs i think. but just not sure how i feel about that.....while it would be dps baby would they be mine? i was so sure id buck the stats.

do the odds change if youve had babies before? ive got 2 adult children. i fell pg within 2 months of trying at 44.

I think the odds are to do with egg quality rather than whether you've had kids before tbh, so I'd say unfortunately not- not unless you used donor eggs.

how do donor eggs work.....do they match you genetically - like hair colour and eye colour etc?

It depends where you go, but they usually match you on physical characteristics like hair and eye colour, height and sometimes blood group.

I agree with chattycat I'm afraid. The odds are to do with egg quality rather than whether you've had children before especially if this was many years ago.

Stillvicarinatutu,

Thought I might be able to help with question about donor egg IVF process. DH is 48 and I'm 45. NHS tests and consultation aged 43 and we were told that DE IVF would be our only option due to age and likely poor egg quality (LH & FSH levels ok but very low AMH levels at 0.85). Due to already being 43 I was told NHS would not be offered to me as cut off is 42. Therefore was told they could either refer me to the local private clinic or I could find my own.

We took time out to process the news and, after 8/9 months, decided to look into private treatment.

In the U.K. we would have to either source our own egg donor or wait to reach the top of the waiting list for DE (anything from 18 months to 3 years!) and looking at costs it was between £10,000 - £12,000 per cycle. We found a clinic in Cyprus which charges €5,000 per DE cycle plus cost of hotel stay (€1,200 for 2 weeks half board in a nice hotel) and flights (approx £200 each). Having contacted the clinic through a website we got a €500 discount voucher which all helps!!

Our clinic asked for clear photos of us both to compare to their database and asked questions about height, weight, build, eye colour and natural hair colour. They found us 2 potential donors and gave us limited details - age, height, weight, hair & eye colour, number of children, education level and profession/career. We then told them which one we wanted to use.

The clinic asked for copies of all our previous results and then gave us a list of what other tests we needed - a few bloods tests each (hiv, hepatitis B&C, chlamidya, gonohrrea (?sp) and rubella). They have sent us a list of meds I'd need to take - 1 I'm already on, 1 I can buy in the chemist and 1 that needed prescribing as well as 1 cycle of the contraceptive pill to sync my cycle and that of the egg donor. GP happily prescribed all the meds apart from the 1 I can buy as he said we'd get them if having NHS led treatment.

We will be flying to Cyprus in about 8 weeks time for our treatment and are very excited for the opportunity.

In regards to coming to terms with having DE treatment rather than using my own eggs and how we reconcile ourselves to any child not being 'mine'. As far as we are concerned, you cannot see genetic make up externally though it's possible the baby wouldn't look like me it would still be genetically DH's child and, without my body, it would never be anything other than an embryo in a lab - I will be doing the most important part of the process in nurturing, and growing, that/those embryos into a child capable of independent life so it will most definitely be 'our' child!! Hope that helps x

thank you so much for that info remember

think this is a step too far for us but best of luck with your treatment, i will keep everything crossed for a successful outcome for you. you really helped us reach a conclusion. xxx