I think I'm giving up

[Mammabear31]

18 months ttc no.2. Ds1 was first cycle, so it's been a shock to the system. We've tried everything - vitamins, diet, lifestyle changes, Dtd every day, being really focused and being laidback. Nothing helped so went to drs. Diagnosed with hypothyroidism in Feb, no other concerns. Conceived in April, mc in May. Normal cycles since but no baby.

I feel like I've reached the end of the road and this is never going to happen for us. I feel so guilty about feeling upset, as we have DS who I love so much and so many people struggle to have 1, let alone a second. I almost feel like im in mourning for the sibling that will never be for him, he loves babies and I just wanted him to have a brother or sister to play with. The age gap is getting bigger and bigger and it feels so pointless now.

I'm sorry you're feeling so down about it.

You could just stop trying now but you actually sound like you'd like to have another baby.

Have you actually had actual fertility tests in a fertility clinic or just saw a GP for basic bloods?

Do you know how your thyroid is currently doing? The ideal rage for fertility is more towards the lower end of the 'normal' range. And how old are you both?

No tests. We were referred to the fertility unit but fell pregnant, so it was cancelled. Now have to wait til next year to be re-referred if nothing has happened.

I'm 32, DH is 34. Both healthy, don't smoke and barely drink. Thyroid is under 3, which an endocrinologist advised was best for conceiving (regularly monitored).

I've just realised how insensitive this post is to those who've been trying for longer - I'm sorry, it was never my intention to offend anyone. It just very much feels now that it isn't going to happen; so what's the point? Then i think about that empty feeling inside, and I see how lonely my little boy is. It's so utterly heartbreaking.

I mean this in the nicest possible way, you haven't tried everything have you? No fertility tests, clomid or other such drugs, IUI, IVF, ICSI, IMSI, sperm donor, donor egg, donor embryo, surrogacy. There's a whole world you're yet to see.

If you give up after 18 months with already 1 child and another natural pregnancy (albeit mc) it seems like you're giving up quite easily.

Me, 2 rounds IVF, 4 transfers, a premature birth and death of my son at 20w pg from round 1, a chemical pregnancy, an mmc, and now pregnant again from the 4th transfer. And my story isn't even that bad. Women are on much sadder and harder journeys than I am... and you for that matter.

If you don't want to wait a year to be re-referred can you pay privately for basic fertility tests?

I know again, which is why I apologised for my post upthread. Unfortunately, being no.2, we wouldn't get any assistance at all under our CCG. We cannot afford to do anything privately.

Maybe I'm just fed up if continual failure. Yes I caught once; however it's just as likely that I won't than I will again.

Having a down day, and everything seems grim. I don't think I've complained once about my situation to anyone other than my DH - very much a shrug it off and it wasn't meant to be attitude usually - but I needed to today. Again, I apologise if I have offended anyone. It wasn't my intention and this felt like a safe space to vent.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. With the greatest of respect, is your DS actually showing signs of being lonely or do you think this is you projecting your feelings onto him?

Perhaps have a break from TTC for a couple of months and see how you feel after that. It sounds like time and health are on your side but it's a gruelling journey and it can help to step back every once in a while (or it did for DH and I).

I'm sorry that you are having a tough time, be thankful you have DS. It sounds like you are trying so hard that it's become so stressful on your body. I agree with Accrual, take a break, stop trying so hard.

I think you should be able to find some support in the secondary infertility section on Fertility Friends. There are other couples in a similar position and better able to empathise.

In terms of costs - having you considered paying privately for some investigations? Even if IVF seems out of budget, you might be able to do things like egg sharing since you're young and seemingly healthy. If you aren't ready to give up, there will be some options.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I think it's wrong for your grief to be minimised. You are grieving for your miscarried child, for your disappointment that your dreams are unfulfilled and you can't right now see your way through.

Grief is grief however many losses, however many disappointments.

I think thyroid issues are more complex than the blood test results and things may need a little longer than a few months to settle down.

I wonder if some counselling might help you not just to deal with the grief and disappointment but also to help you to be kind to yourself.

We were told that the newest recommendations were for TSH to be below 2.5. Maybe your doctor would up your dose.

That sounds shit.

We have been through similar, DS conceived while barely thinking about it. 15 months ttc number 2, I have depression and anxiety and went through a particularly bad patch so we decided to stop trying for a while, I got a place on a college course, the day after I was accepted we found out I was pregnant, have the 12 week scan this week so fingers crossed.
We wanted 4 years between kids, there will now be closer to 6 and I am slowly getting my head around it and concentrating on the positives.
There is no right or wrong age gap.

Make a decision based on what's right for you, take a break for a while if it will help.
My advice would be to make plans that getting pregnant will seriously mess up