Timelines

[physicskate]

So I feel massively let down by my fertility clinic today. I just wanted to get a feel from other people:

what happened after your first appointment?

What tests were ordered?

How much time between appointments?

Did your clinic mess you about and push your appointments later than they said they would?

TIA

Ps - today is a bad day

Hi Kate,

After my first appt, i was booked for an HSG, which happened the following month (had to wait as we'd not been using protection and can't have it done if any chance of pregnancy.). I had an AMH ordered and DH had a second semen analysis so the results were available for the HSG.

After the HSG, they discovered one tube was blocked so said I could start IVF straight away. We waited a month or two because of other plans but then were able to begin. So in total, about 3-4 months from initial appt to being able to start a cycle. We're on the NHS.

What's happened with your clinic? Sorry it's been so bad today. Sometimes infertility seems like a cruel test of how much bad news you can handle Sending a hug.

They didn't tell me it takes 4-5 weeks for the chlamydia blood result. They booked my next appointment for bank holiday Monday - when they are closed. So they've pushed it back 2 weeks. At initial appointment was told 5-6 weeks till second appt but now it's going to be 10! They said I was in good hands... but it doesn't feel that way!!

I just completely fall apart every time I expect something to happen and it doesn't.

I'm a teacher so i will have just had 8 weeks off (no appointments during that time) and say, hi I need time off and no I won't tell you what it's for boss!! It's all just shit. Plus every sept 11 I fall apart anyway...

And thanks for replying. I've felt desperate today and samaritans didn't pick up... feeling a bit better now though. Just numb and disappointed.

Hi Kate

Sorry you're feeling so let down and disappointed with your clinic. This whole process is a massive pile of shit. I totally get your frustration with everything taking so long, the whole process of investigations seeming so drawn out and it all just feeling like waiting, but nothing actually happening. I well remember writing a massive rant about it (elsewhere) at the time and I really feel for you.

To answer your questions: at my first appointment (NHS) they did an AMH blood test and I think rubella antibodies. They also referred me for a HSG.

I had the HSG 2-3 months after the appointment because trying to book the appointment for it was really frustrating. The hospital only did HSGs on days of the week, but it had to be done in the first 10 days of my cycle, but not during my period so there was a very narrow window each month to have it done.

My follow appointment was 5 months after the first clinic appointment. However, I went to see the consultant privately 3 months after the initial appointment to speed things up as I knew 3 months before going to the first fertility clinic appointment we were going to need ICSI.

We then started IVF 8 months after the first appointment. If we hadn't had the private appointment this would have probably been delayed by 2 months.

I agree with bigger the delay and changing of appointments is really frustrating. There isn't much we have any control over in this process, so rescheduling appointments and endless waiting was for me just another way of feeling I had no control whatsoever over any of this. Feeling that there was some progress with treatment and that I had some control over things was one way of making things seem more manageable and allowing me to cope, and to keep having the goalposts moved was really upsetting.

I don't know if this is a helpful thing to say, but I've had 6 cycles of IVF and I found the waiting around for something to actually happen at the start one of the worst parts of the entire thing. This comment is not in any way intended as a who has it worst contest (it's crap for us all), but is to say that I am fairly well versed in this process and still found the stage you're at now one of the hardest times of the process. Please feel free to ignore that comment if it's unhelpful.

Kate, I'm so sorry it's been so rough today. I agree with Earl that infertility is just absolute, massive shit. It feels as if your life has turned into months and months of waiting for something that isn't at all guaranteed. Utter, desparate rubbish. I completely understand that falling apart feeling. Every time I learned of a poor test result, it felt as if a tiny piece of me was broken irreparably.

Also agree with Bigger on the chlamydia test. Do you know why they did a blood test for chlamydia? Mine was either urine or vaginal and the results were returned within a few days.

I don't know if you want any more advice so please feel free to ignore this, but one thing that I've found going through this experience is that no matter what I do, I really don't have control over anything. This is equal parts frustrating and relieving, of course, and it does change by the day. But I suppose I realised that the only thing I can have control over is my mindset so I might as well try to leverage that somewhat. Apologies if that is a bit wu but it's what I've been feeling lately, and has helped me some, after spending the last 1.5 years feeling very, very sad and down...so I suppose I am coming to some peace with it now.

Are you able to discuss more with your partner or any other support?
Sending you a hug.

I meant to say: The hospital only did HSGs on 2 days of the week

No idea why they're making me do the blood test for antibodies...

I've only had an ultrasound so far and it showed masses of cysts on both ovaries.

My gp would do any blood tests as I had a chemical in month 11 (in march) so that started the 12 months again...

After the US, they ordered rubella fsh and chlamydia. And dh did an SA. That is the sum total of everything so far. Today is cd 1 (which massively isn't helping things even though I had no hope for last cycle). So I've got to go in two days for the fsh. I figured I'd do all three tests at once as I hate blood tests and don't do so well with them...

I googled and it said 5-7 days for chlamydia result, so again I don't trust the clinic. But the thought of starting over, even going private, makes me feel ill...

I've booked in with a grief counsellor for next week because I am so not coping. I went to my gp in January saying I was getting low about ttc and they gave me ADs. I didn't take them as I know it's an isolated problem, ADs are not recommended during pregnancy and I have been making positive life choices since then (including changing jobs).

I have no hope, but that doesn't mean I don't want some small amount of control. I don't expect them to do anything at the appointment in sept but give us the results of these four tests (my three plus dh's SA).

It's reassuring to know I'm not the only one finding it hard... if we can't have kids I just want to know and then move on with my life. It's the limbo and the false hope and the moving the goalposts that is literally killing me.

Dh doesn't get it.

Wow sorry for massive rambling... meant to say my gp wouldnt do any tests... so I haven't had day 21 or fsh to lh, amh or anything like that...

Ramble away. It's rubbish not having anyone to talk to in person, so glad you've sorted a counsellor for next week. As Bigger mentioned, many clinics also have counsellors for fertility issues as well if you find you'd like more support.

Ignore this if it's more unwanted advice, but I have found CD1 is often a rotten one for me. The crushed hopes and disappointment plus hormone swings make it a rubbish rubbish time. Every month has been naive hope followed by deep grief. It is wretched and I'm sorry anyone has to go through it.

Has your clinic mentioned anything about getting the day 21 bloods this month as well?

OP I've seen you on a few of the same threads as me. (I had a MC in March, really shit isn't it). So sorry that you're going through such a difficult time

I had my first appointment with the fertility clinic in May and they scheduled my next appointment for the end of September. I was really shocked with the 4 month gap in-between appointments, it wasn't what I was expecting at all! I'd gotten my hopes up after begging my GP for a referral for a long time (been TTC for 3 years).

At our first appointment DH gave sperm sample and I had ovarian reserve blood test. Neither of us have had any results or heard from the clinic since. I'm now not expecting very much from them at my next appointment as I don't want to get my hopes up any longer.
It baffles my mind that on here you see some people receiving referrals and treatment really quickly with no issues, but some have to jump through hoops.

Good idea seeing a counsellor. I hope you start to feel a little better as the week goes on xx

Just wanted to say hello again Kate and hope you are feeling a little bit better. And if not, please feel free to unload here. xx

Wow that is so kind meadowlark.

I go for my day 3 bloods tomorrow. I think it comes down to the fact that I don't trust my clinic as they keep messing up in small ways. If I had messed up in similar ways I know I'd be completely hauled over the coals... but I don't know really what I can do about it. I feel so powerless.

Very tempted to go back on birth control so then I have the control back in my life but I'm not getting any younger...

I've started thinking about the counseling appointment and I think I'm going to re-start journaling and go with a list of things/ specific points of concern to talk through. My thoughts are a bit of a jumble, but the crisis I was feeling yesterday has passed for the time being.

That's really sweet of you to check up on me though...

Forever the thing that made me freak out yesterday wasn't anything about the waiting time really. I am sorry your follow up is taking so long... It was that they said the next appointment would be 5 weeks after the first. And now it's double that!!! It's the changing goal posts... They keep doing that. I think it's going to push me over the edge if they do it again.

That and now I'm going to have to tell me boss. I started my new job in Feb and replaced someone who 'wasn't a team player after she became a mum, understandably,' and someone whose 'priorities had understandably changed after she had her little one.' So I think he's going to be disappointed with me and we are still sorting/ forming our working relationship... ugh.

Hi Kate, hope your bloods went alright today. Yes, the incompetence of the clinics can be so frustrating. If it were just an occasional administrative issue, I could understand, but repeated clinical errors make me question the quality of the care, which doesn't help the stress of the situation or hopes for the outcome.

Glad you have found some good ways to cope and crisis has passed. xx