Ectopic and secondary infertility

[NooNooHead1981]

I have a beautiful and bright DD who is 6 and a half, and the absolute delight of my life. I love her immensely with all my heart and she is everything I ever wanted in a child. I am very lucky to have her.

I had an ectopic pregnancy and surgery in March this year, with the removal of my right fallopian tube. The surgeon said I had a healthy remaining tube and I would have a good chance of a health pregnancy in future, with a small risk of another ectopic.

My DH and I were not at all careful over the past 6 years and I've been wanting another baby for such a long time that I was absolutely heartbroken when my pregnancy ended in loss. I didn't think I'd ever get pregnant again, and for this to happen I felt utterly devastated.

I know that I can get pregnant, but I do think I must have some secondary infertility issues as it took so long TTC the second time an the end result was clearly not great. I have very dark days when I look at other mums, celebrities, ordinary people and friends who are pregnant and just want to sit there and wail loudly at them. Of course, I am beyond grateful for my DD, and am immensely fortunate to have one child when some have none. It just breaks my heart so much that I will have to possibly accept that maybe I am not meant to have two children, and that my daughter who is utterly wonderful will be my only one.

Sorry for the rant, I feel like crap about my ectopic sometimes and just want to bawl out loud. I would have been nearly 28 weeks this week, and would have been so happy. Now I am just getting by each day and pretending things are ok when they aren't.

Hi there,
I am very sorry for your loss. It must be so hard for you to lose something you have wanted so badly. However, you should not take it as the end of the road. If you want a second baby, the possibilities are still endless! First of all, you should probably go for more checks before trying TTC again. If there is nothing wrong, then your chances are still as high as anyone's! If something is really wrong and you cannot have children naturally, there are still may options to mull over including IVF, surrogacy and many other infertility treatments. Wish you all the best.

I couldnt not reply here as i was exactly the same position as you!

I had been trying for my second for a while and had an ectopic pregnancy. Lost that falopian tube as well.
Then had a long battle with pcos and an early miscarriage only to go on and have a second ectopic pregnancy! This was managed with methotrexate and my remaining tube was salvaged.
Was told by my consultant a natural pregnancy was practically impossible and my only option was ivf. Tried that and failed. 2 years later and a total of 7 and a half years ttc i fell pregnant with my second completely naturally against all the odds.

Please dont give up! There honestly is hope and i know it feels like you keep hitting a brick wall. Speak to a specialist and get some testing done. Your miracle WILL happen 💐

Thank you both for your kind replies. It makes me feel hopeful when I see others who have had success after being in the same position. I just wish things weren't so hard or didn't take so long.

I guess it also hurts me so much that others seem to be able to get pregnant so easily (although I don't know what it might have taken to get there), and that friends who have had two children had them at what I would consider to be a good age gap - and for them it all worked out as planned. I KNOW that things aren't always black and white or straightforward, but I don't get why some people seem to have an easier ride than others. That's life, I suppose.

You poor thing crimminy - two ectopics? Makes me realise I was lucky to only have one IYSWIM.

I am so sorry for your losses but so pleased it all worked out in the end, You have given me hope... thank you.

I know what you mean, it seems like every where you look there were babies or pregnant ladies or an announcement where you are so happy for them but are breaking on the inside longing for it to be you.

Have a look in the ectopic support website. There is some useful information on there.

Have you seen/been referred to a gynaecologist? Theres all sorts of tests they can do. One being an hsg where they flush your tube through with a dye and xray it to make sure that it is working ok/not blocked.

I also had a lap and dye done. Which is a small operation, again looking at the tube.

I really hope it happens soon for you!

Yeah the second one was a massive kick in the teeth! But if anything it made me even more determined!