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Infertility

Our Infertility Support forum is a space to connect with others in the same position, discuss causes, treatment and IVF, and share infertility stories of hope and success.

When to stop?

3 replies

meadowlark3 · 01/07/2017 17:47

I've been aching for a baby for years, in fact DH and I talked about having a family fairly soon after we were together. We waited until last year to try (both 34) and had one miscarriage. Whilst in the queue for IVF, we fell again with an ectopic and I lost a tube. I feel a bit lost now. We still have an NHS go at IVF but the idea of it not working breaks my heart, as does the idea of it working and having another ectopic, another miscarriage, or something wrong with the baby. (I have a gut feeling that I'll need to have a late termination for medical reasons or have a deeply disabled baby.) I am sure that I would love the baby and we would sort out its care but I really can't imagine how as I'm drained from the past year and a half of failures. It seems that perhaps we're not meant to be parents and should stop trying. But if we don't use our IVF go now, I imagine I will always regret it.

I apologise if this is too much of a whinge as I'm well aware other women have been working at this much harder and much longer. I don't mean to minimise those struggles and in fact wish I could be as strong as those women, but it simply feels I'm not.

OP posts:
Scottishgirl85 · 01/07/2017 18:05

Oh meadow Flowers
You've had such a tough and cruel time. You're feelings are completely normal and you're still grieving your losses. It sounds like you need to get your head around things before making plans. From your other posts I've seen, I really think you'll regret not using your ivf go. Would it be an option to do a freeze all cycle, so you can bank some embryos while you're a good age and then take some time to think? I promise the physical side of ivf is no problem, the emotional side is tough which is why I think it would be good for you to take your time.
Hugs x

ForeverHopeful21 · 01/07/2017 20:49

I think once you've experienced miscarriage it forever changes the way you view conceiving, pregnancy and giving birth. Your mind is now filled with worry and fear which is completely understandable after what you've been through. Please don't compare yourself to anyone else; everyone deals with things differently and you need to do what is right for you and your DH.

I've been ttc for 3 years. My only pregnancy ended in miscarriage in March and I've now been diagnosed with severe endometriosis and adenomyosis (which doubles the risk of miscarriage). This frightens the life out of me and I do wonder how many more years I can put myself through this. But then I'll have a positive moment and think of how amazing it would be if it all works out!

It sounds like theres a high chance that you'd regret not giving ivf a go. Maybe before then you need a bit of a break and give yourself some more time to heal. Maybe even consider some extra support or therapy if you're struggling. Big hugs x

meadowlark3 · 02/07/2017 18:39

Thank you Scottish, you are right, I do need more time to get my head round everything. Thank you for letting me share my feelings here. x

Thank you Forever, I'm sorry how long you have been trying. I have those negative and positive moments too. One moment it seems mad to continue and the next it seems mad to give up. I am sorry you have had such a hard go. Miscarriages and infertility rob the joy and innocence of TTC and pregnancy, it seems Sad x

Big hugs to you both xx

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