Feeling really down - don't know what to do
LifeWithMeaning · 29/06/2017 11:08
I'm 31, childless, a few failed IVF attempts with my DH(donor sperm), PCOS.
I have had a very stressful life, terrible upbringing. Things are good now though. All of my siblings have been able to have their children with no fertility issues. I've wanted to be a parent ever since I was quite young. It feels like the opportunity is escaping me and it's all I think about really, I feel aggrieved.
I don't think I can do IVF again, it's just so hard to get through and after my last cycle my ovaries don't feel quite right iyswim and it puts a great strain on your relationship. Plus I am still paying that off and I feel I would need to save for another cycle if i decided on this rather than getting out a loan, this will take years.
I just want to be a mum. And I am open to anything really.
I've looked into adoption, but I would only be happy with a closed adoption. Call me selfish but if I adopt I want them to be handed over and for us to get on with our lives(after all the legal and transition phase of course).
Fostering is an option and I have done this before just not with my DH, but this is a huge amount of work paperwork wise and attending courses and it feels like it's more of a lifestyle choice, of course this is about wanting to care for the child/children and that's number one, that's what I want really - just to care for someone and call them my own.
Surrogacy I don't think is an option as the potential child needs to be related to one of us and unfortunately I have a juvenile criminal record :(
It's hard socialising with people who have children or even when there are children around, how can you not dwell and be miserable? When you have PIL who really want GC, how can you not feel like a failure?
It seems like I have no options, hearing stories about abandoned children literally thrown away or worse gets me down so much. And there are millions of unwanted children/orphans in the world, why is it made so difficult for those of us wanting to help.
laurelstar · 29/06/2017 20:08
Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time Life. Would your DH be up for adopting too?
Loopy01 · 29/06/2017 20:16
I really feel for you OP. Sounds like you are having such a rough time of things. I find it hard to see people with their children too and it seems like everyone but me is getting pregnant. I'm worried I'll turn into a bitter old woman soon if I don't get a BFP!
I think adopting is a wonderful idea, we have started researching and we're pleased to see its not as difficult as we thought it would be. Through the council adoption agency, I spoke to 3 different parents who adopted children. I found this really helpful - could you arrange something like that?
cherryontopp · 29/06/2017 21:47
I didn't want to read and run. Sorry your going through this. I felt like everyone else was just popping out kids, having normal lives and I'm stood there in the background, watching on. It's lonely and depressing. I woild definitely get the adoption process started even while your going through ivf. How many times have you has ivf?
AgainPlease · 03/07/2017 06:56
I really really feel for you @LifeWithMeaning and I hope you get your wish soon.
Life is such a cruel joke. I too had an awful upbringing, my mother was a narcissist and my father committed suicide. My first round of IVF resulted in the premature birth and death of my son, followed by a failed round, and then a miscarriage and now another pregnancy (currently 14 weeks), but my husband and I are on the brink of bankruptcy and getting divorced and I'll have to move in with my narcissistic mum and face brining up my baby as a single mother.
I really really wish you the best of luck
LifeWithMeaning · 03/07/2017 10:05
Thanks for your replies all - it's really appreciated!! Turning into a bitter old woman is not something I want to do - but it feels like I'm turning into that, you have to pretend and smile most of the time don't you. And it's not just about me, my DH has had to deal with the news of being infertile (he loves kids) and also a 'failure' to his parents.
laurel yes I am 100% sure he would be up for adopting
loopy I guess there is no harm in enquiring right? What kind of questions did you ask and what were the responses?
cherry I don't think you can start the adoption process until you're at least 6 months post IVF. I have had 2 cycles, latest was in January (seems like yesterday, honestly don't know why the calendar now says it's JULY). 4 years TTC with current partner and 5 years TTC with previous.
Again Life is exactly that. Wow you have not had it good, I'm so sorry, and now you're divorcing and being forced to move back in with your mother bankrupt. Look after yourself please.. I wish I could help you
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