change of heart!!

[Rainy34]

we have been trying for a baby for three years and i had all my tests done to start the route of IVF, my husband sat me down last week and said that he has been looking at our finances and that we just can't afford to have a baby, childcare is far to much and we would be hundreds of pounds over drawn every month, we don't have anyone that can help us out with looking after a child if we had one, when i look i see where he is coming from and i would want to give my child everything that they need, but i just can't help but feel heartbroken, i just wished he would have told me all this 6 months ago instead of getting my hopes up, he is not a bad man and we do love each other but its something that is going to take along time to get over!!

Has he considered that you will get child benefit and possibly child tax credits? Will there ever be a"good time"? It's great that he wants to make sure you have enough money coming in but it's harsh laying this on you when you've been trying for so long and about to start IVF.

FWIW we were really hard up when we had our first DC and nursery fees were a nightmare but things worked out. We got some tax credits and tightened our belts. I was in my 30s by that point though so time not on our side-it was now or never.

My husband was the same and said we couldn't afford it so we put off trying for a baby for years. We married in our 30's and all of a sudden he changed his mind.

We couldn't conceive naturally despite all the tests coming back clear. Luckily ivf worked for us first time and we have a 5 year old ds. We are now trying for our second with the help of ivf.

When our son was born my husband said he wished that we had started a family earlier. He absolutely loves being a dad and has so much love for our son.

As the previous post said, nursery fees are a nightmare but somehow things just work out and you make lifestyle changes.

Perhaps it is just the ivf he is scared of rather than the cost of having a baby. I think you need to have a heart to heart with him and dig a little deeper.

Hope everything works out for you :)

Pretty much no-one can afford to have a baby, though. People do it anyway. If only people who could afford babies had them, the human race would be a heck of a lot thinner on the ground!

Whatever you do keep going with the ivf process for now as once you withdraw you're back to square 1.
Would he agree to keeping the embryos on ice for a year or two while you save up for childcare?
Maybe do the sums yourself. People bring up families on very small incomes. Maybe you could stay at home during the day and work at night like my mum did, avoiding the need for childcare.