I have namechanged for my little wail, and I'm not sure this is even the right topic, so apologies from the start!
A brief history, which it is probably easier to list:
- I have a six year old, conceived first month and carried with no problems. She is awesome imho
- 3 x mmcs and erpcs since then.
- First conceived quickly and discovered mmc at (what should've been) 14wks.
- Second took a few months, early scan showed all ok at 8weeks, but still only measured 8weeks at 12 wk scan. Rather dragged out to confirm mmc.
- Third took 8mths, all over by 8 weeks.
- After the third, they did tests, there was a genetic problem but follow up tests on dh and I showed no problem with us so it was put down to a random mutation. Ttc was on hold while this was done.
- Resumed ttc Nov 2015.
- As far as I know I am otherwise healthy. Have been told I have a tilted uterus but also told it makes no difference to these things, otherwise I can't think of anything different from the norm about me.
All of this has taken it's toll. I feel like my life is on hold, first the mmcs, and now because we've been ttc for over 18 months. Moving plans, jobs, holidays etc, have all been coloured by this. And all along, DD is getting older, obviously, and the situation has changed very much from 'wouldn't it be nice to have another/a sibling' when she was under 3.
I don't know what I'm trying to ask to be honest. Of course I would really dearly like another child, but I can't honestly say it is with the same passion that I wanted a first. I toy with the idea of giving up, but I feel like I haven't yet tried hard to justify doing that.
Can anyone advise what the 'next steps' are if we still fail to conceive? How long do you have to give it before gps are interested?
I have no idea if this makes any sense, but I have recently realised that I'm a bit scared of being more proactive about trying (more than just dtd fairly often) or investigating problems, because what if I do get pg and it ends again?
Which brings me back to giving up and giving myself permission to live my life fully with the one child I have. But what if there is a simple fixable problem, or no problem and just bad luck and all I have to do is wait.... And so it goes round!
Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.
I'm glad I namechanged, that was fairly self indulgent yet incoherent 