Donor eggs mixed feelings

[1975gomezfernandez]

Hi,

After my first failed ivf my doctor talked me into donor eggs. Any advice? I feel strange with the idea... not sure if I could go through it.

Hello!

You might want to come join us over on the donor conception boards: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception - many people there will be thinking through similar issues.

I'm 40, single, and just preparing to have IVF using both donor sperm and donor eggs. I've had two failed rounds of IVF with my own eggs (one where I had an OK number of eggs retrieved but not as many fertilised as would have been expected; and one where I didn't respond at all to stims and the cycle was cancelled). After that I did twice become pregnant naturally through attempts at home, but then miscarried each time. I then took a bit of a break to work things through, and when I went back to my clinic recently it was my suggestion that it was time to consider donor eggs, which they were supportive of.

The thing, often, with fertility treatment is that in a strange way it's like getting carried away when bidding on eBay - you end up doing a lot of things you said you wouldn't ever do, and then it becomes hard to know what your boundaries really are. When I first started out, I thought 'OK, I'll go down this road of getting treatment... but I won't have IVF' and then of course I promptly did, but I thought I wouldn't want to use donor eggs... until I changed my mind. But it's perfectly OK if you decide donor eggs aren't for you; it's a really big decision.

The thing that really swayed me was reading the accounts of parents with donor-conceived children who said that in the end, they were grateful for their infertility, because without it they'd never have had that unique child they now had, and they couldn't imagine being parents to anyone else.

What reason has your doctor given for suggesting donor eggs? I'm guessing from your username that you're a couple of years older than me, in which case your chances with your own eggs are unfortunately very low, so it would definitely help in that sense, but have they said anything else specific? Also, have you had implications counselling yet to think about using donor eggs? This is a really helpful space to think through all the naturally conflicting feelings the idea will bring up.

Good luck to you whatever you decide.

Thank you very much for your message, the doctor just said the probability is too low. The reason I am not ready is the fact that is the first round but I totally understand what you explained that it is like e-bay. I just have mixed feelings about the donor in terms of the future, how did this baby will react when it finds out, or what type of person donates eggs...etc. I will be 42 in 2 months and at the beginning I told myself I will only do 3 rounds but I want it so badly that in secret I thought I could do more.
All my embryos arrested on day three so my doctor said is down to poor egg quality.

Hi Gomez, if you don't mind me asking what was your AMH?

I ask because I wonder if there was any other reason the doctor recommended donor eggs after one failed IVF.

My AMH is 1.1 and my FSH 11.4

I would recommend what a poster said about donor boards here. I am in a similar situation myself wrt age and did think about donor eggs. I have heard online from lots of women who say that the donor egg baby is 100% theirs and they love them with all their heart.

But you may need counselling before you do consider it. You may want to still try naturally too (AMH should not affect natural conception) as you have only got married last year and you can try donor eggs later, if you are not ready.

It is a difficult decision so wish you all the best.

My donor egg baby is 100% mine! He is 2 now and has definitely taken on some of my characteristics! You will get counselling of you do decide to choose this route. I have lots of phots of me pregnant with him, breastfeeding him etc. xx

I've known several woman who have used de

They all love their child with a total passion. It is their baby and their DNA does appear in their babies as I can see parts of mummy in their babies. A lot of daddy but that happens often with Mother Natures babies anyway

If you adopted a child would you feel less love for them as they aren't your true flesh and blood as havnt grown in your tummy?

No.

The baby may start off as an egg /embryo donated by someone but ends up being that mothers child

I have a friend doing a cycle with de at the moment and to me it's a precious gift from someone else using de

Blondeshavemorefun you are spot on!

:)

as op is 42,her own eggs are likely to be on way out (sorry)

using a donor will give you the best chnace of getting preg,and likely to have several left to freeze for a fet if fails/or want a sibling

my friends donor got an amzing 16 eggs due to her age, did shared donor,so got8 and 2 implanted and 4 frozen-thats far better odds the an average 42yr

if you want to be a mum,it well worth thinking about

took5 attempts to get my dd,now 12 wks,if we had used all our frozen from cycle 3 and all failed,we would have had one last attempt using de as wanted to be a mum so much

abroad is much cheaper for ivf,whether own eggs like me,or using de