Does anyone else feel even shitter after reading fertility books?

[Isthismummy]

Bought a copy of The Fertile Female by Julia Indichova.

Whilst I'm sure it's a wonderful book it's done nothing but make me feel even worse about myself. I think it's all the "eat no sugar, live off beans" advice that does it. Quite frankly living with infertility is so fucking painful that the only thing that makes it bearable is chocolate and booze! Then I beat myself up for not being as saintly as I should be.

It all just seems to hard and pointless though☹️

Can anyone relate, or am I just not a very committed infertile? Is my inability to live a 100% healthy diet the only thing standing between me and motherhood? You'd seem to think so reading this book!

I think that too fishface I strongly suspect these women would have gotten pregnant anyway. After all, some people out there will always beat the odds?

I just don't believe any of them followed these perfect diets, visualised, meditated etc flawlessly for months/years on end. It's too much on top of the already horrifically depressing experience of infertility.

Ditto @icy121

What a load of shit. When I stop seeing seriously overweight women, or women who have all sorts of addiction problems, conceiving naturally and carrying to term, then I might believe it's got something to do with healthy living.

Friends of ours recently adopted a baby boy and the birth mother was a serious heroine addict... go figure.

What icy121 wrote.

Yes, than you icy for bringing some balance to this.

I'm sure the vast vast majority of pregnant women's/people with children weren't drinking from plastic free bottles before conceiving.

I feel like everyone is out to blame us today. I've been looking for an infertility counsellor and found three in my area talking about the mind/body conception link and how stress lowers your chances.

I think it's my POF that is probably lowering my chances, but hey ho...

No it clearly is all that Tupperware and phthalate face cream that's doing this to you...

On a serious note, I do wish infertility was better understood. It's like that pill they were trialling for men and 6% reported negative side effects and so they dropped it... what about all the depression and broken relationships infertility leads to??? More research and compassion from doctors please!!!

It definitely needs to be better understood. Women are expected to just carry on as normal whilst dealing with unbearable pain and uncertainty. Not only that but we're told to "think positive" "relax" "try shagging on a full moon with a Tesco carrier bag on your head"

It just makes you feel like utter, utter shit. I'm feeling completely done with it today. I'm supposed to be going wedding ring shopping, but what a joke. Congratulations Hubble to be, you get to marry an infertile. What a prize

I haven't been able to read any of the books as I imagine they're rubbish. Us ladies are born with the eggs we have and there's nothing we can do to make them better or worse. BPA can disrupt the endocrine system but has nothing to do with egg quality...but it will effect the egg quality of the next generation and make them more likely to have trisomies and fertility problems.

Isthis sorry, posted before I saw this second page. Sorry you're having such a low day. Infertility is absolute shit and it's rubbish that anyone has to deal with it. I am sure your DFiance is with you not because of your childbearing ability but because he loves you no matter. Hope you can wallow and find some joy today as well.

Kate Agreed! DH and I were chatting about this...the technology seems just so crude, and so woman focussed! It is somewhat surprising too as infertility is so widespread and so profitable...why hasn't more research been done? We are still with essentially the same technology of 30 years ago...

Thank you meadowlark3 I got my wedding band, so that's cheered me a bit. DH to be struggling to find one to fit his tiny fingers though

I always wonder why infertility seems so poorly researched in this country too. Also why people are given such limited info when getting treatment? Especially on NHS. I learned jack shit whilst on NHS. I only feel I'm getting somewhere now they've said we're beyond hope without an egg donor and we're going to Serum. It really shouldn't be like that though. It makes me very angry!

Infertility and the endocrine system generally seems incredibly misunderstood. I wonder whether in the long term gene analysis will help with diagnosis/prognosis as it all seems to be so entirely individual. Yes there will be trends, but we're all so different it seems to me that until the docs can read our DNA like a book there just isn't going to be properly tailored treatment for all. Sorry that's a depressing thought.

Re the point about some women getting there and spouting the "it worked for me" bollocks - it's so deeply unhelpful. Doesn't matter what the "it" they're talking about is - acupuncture, bottles, donor eggs, whatever.

I hate reading posts where they're offering advice - "go and buy xyz herb off Amazon" - very much DON'T go and buy and ingest some random shit some stranger online has told you to buy! It's one thing to offer explanations or ask questions (or give some advice on questions to ask) based on your own experience, but to categorically tell other women to eat high dose B-vitamins or consider going down the DE route is beyond ludicrous.

To me that's what these books do. I'd rather spend a few hundred pounds seeing a professional medically trained consultant and having all my bloodwork done and coming up with a treatment plan based on science and medicine, rather than being told by some snake oil woo merchant (acupuncturist) that I need to avoid certain grains and other foods that "dampen" my "chi", or some fucking book that tells me not to eat out of fucking Tupperware.

Oh, I'm still ragey

Well said icy121

Don't get me started on the snake oil salesman and the pressure to go and see them. I threw out my Zita West books due to her constant wittering on about acupuncture.

I actually tried reflexology for four months in the hope it might regulate my cycles. Spoiler alert...it didn't! Plus at £40 a pop it seriously depleted my bank balance as I was told to go every week. My reflexologist was lovely, but also told me she couldn't sense anything seriously wrong. Then two months ago I got diagnosed with POF. So definitely no major issues there...

I LOVE this thread

Having pondered buying It Starts With The Egg, I am now definitely not. I already feel guilty every time I have a glass of wine. Enough of the guilt!! It's not our bloody fault and we are going through hell not able to get pregnant - we need a break not telling off!

The changes I've made are;
Less alcohol (will have a glass or two but not much more in one go. Actually quite like this change - I'm spending so much less on wine and no hangovers)
Take pregnacare conception tablets and now ubiquinol. Dabble with low dose aspirin and EPO when I can be bothered
A bit more exercise but not much
Last year I realised I needed healthy mental distractions so took up ceramics, yoga joined an orchestra and downloaded Headspace. I still love all of these
I tried acupuncture - very relaxing but achieved nothing

The other change is spending every day obsessing about fertility and conception!! I wish I could switch this one off but feels impossible???

SO refreshing to hear others talk about all this. I'm so glad others feel the same way re sugar booze plastics etc

It's absolutely not your fault you're not getting pregnant, you only have to look around at people getting pregnant when they're stressed, drunk, high ??? It makes no sense that if you have POF somehow your diet is going to affect that...

It sucks that women are meant to feel guilty about it and somehow fix themselves

Londonjam If you do cave and buy ISWTE just head to the back where the supplement advice is. If you're taking ubiquinol then you're basically following one of the books main top tips anyway🙂

I tried the avoiding plastic and it was impossible! Also tried switching to organic beauty products and toiletries, but the cost was prohibitive!

I'm afraid I have no tips regarding the obsessing. I don't see how it's possible not to to be honest. Although I feel it's far from healthy...I just can't stop!

I felt the thread needed to be started. There seems to be such an industry built around making us infertiles feel even worse than we already do

prettywhiteguitar It totally sucks doesn't it? I even beat myself up wondering if I caused my POF by leading a slightly colourful life in the past. Did I drink too much/ eat too badly and ruin my own chances? But then like you say you see horribly unhealthy people getting upduffed all the time.

I think it's down to luck and you either have fortune on your side or you don't.