questioning whether should have had more embryos transferred

[Millie123456]

Hi everyone, we had embryo transfer today, day 5. I had 4 eggs, 3 fertilised, and today was advised we had one of good quality (3bb), one which had stopped growing, and one that was slow to develop and was only at 'day 3' in its development. We had said all along we'd put just 1 in (this is our first ivf cycle) and did. But am now feeling perhaps we were stupid not to put the other one is - doctor said it probably won't survive freezing. So it'll now just be unused. I know I need to move on as it's done now, but am feeling really like I'm wondering if we've done the right thing. Help, I'm feeling quite distressed.

Millie, the days after EC are a horrible waiting game, with decisions taken out of your hands, and decisions you have to make, some of which are difficult and you are bound to have regrets no matter what. My feeling is that if the other embryo was slowing down then it was probably about to stop so you made the right decision, but I know that it's difficult to think rationally! If it's not good enough to freeze then it's really unlikely it would have done anything if transferred so please don't beat yourself up with it. It's just a game of luck, and you've given yourself the best chance by transferring the one that's good quality, and developing. Good luck for your TWW.

Hi TammySwanson, thank you so much I really appreciate you taking the time to respond, thank you for your thoughts, yes perhaps we are giving this strong one more chance of survival and yes I guess the other one unlikely to have survived. It's so hard to not let your head runaway with you though! It was all a bit rushed at the clinic and I didn't discuss it with doctor, just the embryologist, and wishing I'd asked to speak to the doctor first. Anyway, I must move on, and remind myself there is no right or wrong way to proceed. I'm really grateful for your response and thoughts, thank you x

It's a very difficult time so it's easy to overthink/have regrets/blame yourself or others. On a rational front, I'm very sorry to say that but embryos that are much slower to develop don't make viable pregnancies. It's been thoroughly researched and the time windows when viable embryos divide are quite narrow. If the embryo was at day 3 stage on day 5, there wasn't a chance it would work so they probably didn't want to give you false hope. I'll keep everything crossed for the transferred one sticking, though x

I would look at it as what if both embryo's implant, but the slow growing one stopped growing in utero and endangered your healthy foetus?

There are so many what if's. You have given your strongest embryo the best chance.

Just want to say good luck with the 2WW. I'm sure you've done the right thing, don't forget, it only takes 1!

JojoSM2/reallyanotherone, thank you so much for your responses. Yes JojoSM2 if only at day 3 on day 5 it's unlikely to be viable and to have survived, and that's a good point too reallyanotherone that it may have got in the way of healthy development of existing embryo.

I'm an over thinker/over analyser anyway, and so my mind is having an absolute field day with all of this to think about!

Deep breaths, onwards and upwards. Appreciate so much your encouraging and reassuring comments, thank you x

Thank you glasshalfsomething! X

This article might reassure you! In summary it says that putting back two embryos, with one being of poorer quality than the other reduces your chance of success: www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/science/2017/jan/05/ivf-pregnancy-less-successful-with-two-embryos-study-finds

Thank you closephine85! Yes I didn't actually find this article yesterday too, and its very recent which is reassuring.

I'm desperately to not think about the 'what ifs' and 'should Is' this but it is so hard, awake in the night thinking about it and on my mind when I woke up. I know it will pass but right now it's intense. Thanks so much for for sending the article closphine85 xx