Scared of IVF

[Fishface199]

I hope this is the board to get help.

I will turn 40 next month and me and my partner have no children. We only got married last year and I fell pregnant naturally after 4 months but had a mc.

Its now 6 months since the mc and though we have been ttc we've got nothing. I have got myself tested. My amh is 7.8 and docs advised me to do IVF.

Problem is I am scared shitless. Scared that the failure rate is still 85% per cycle for women my age, scared about the cost and scared about the impact it will have on my emotional health.

I am really stuck as I would love to get pg naturally but know time is not on my side at all. But neither do I have the time for lots of IVF cycles.

I went to see a counsellor after my mc but she seemed to think I just needed to relax and everything would be fine. I found her quite unhelpful, so don't know where to turn.

The awful reality is if I go through IVF (even 2 or 3 rounds) the odds are still are that I will be childless just thousands of pounds poorer. My AMH is not great so doubt I'd be a brilliant responder too.

How did you ladies make that leap to do IVF, how was your decision reached, particularly older ladies?

I had my first round of ivf at 37 and like you I was scared but I so wanted to hold that little bundle of joy in my arms that I was prepared to do anything. Luckily it was successful and my ds is now 5.

It is emotionally draining at times but somehow you just keep going. Apart from the emotional side the rest wasn't half as bad as I thought it would be.

In fact I've just gone through another round of ivf and although it wasn't successful I am going to try again in a few months time.

I'll turn 42 in a few weeks and I'm currently sat smiling at my 13 week old ICSI baby. Only had one round so please don't think that it doesn't happen - it can.

I too had a MC from natural pregnancy beforehand and then was referred by the doctor.

The process (as PP said) is not as daunting as it sounds and I coped with the emotional side better than I thought I would by going through the physical bits logically.

I hope that's helped and that you give yourselves a chance and give it a go - good luck.

The worst bit is the emotional side and all the stages- waiting to see how many follicles/eggs/embryos and if they grow/transfer etc. That physical bit isn't that bad.

I would do both if I were u (try naturally and do ivf) to Maximise your Chances. Your amh isn't that bad. I did ivf age 35 with a much worse amh than you and it worked.

Have you looked at finding a fertility counsellor - your last one sounds useless to me!

For me it was easy, I wasn't gonna get a kid at all without IVf so even a small chance was better than no chance at all. I also found it much much less stressful than TTC every month for 4 years but then I was lucky - first round worked, I had prepared myself for 3 rounds but I probably couldn't have gone on doing it endlessly

If cost is a factor I would maybe consider treatment abroad? My cycle of icsi came in until £3000 with meds at Reprofit Czech Republic

Hi OP

I think you have to accept you have 'suboptimal fertility' first before you can consider ivf - its taken me a few months to mentally accept that - for me it is for dc2 - first child conceived without issue so it's taken a while to get used to the idea of doing ivf.

But now I have I just want to get on with it.

The idea of doing it abroad is a good one - probably means you get 2 bites of the cherry for price of one here.

I guess no one knows whether they'll be one of the lucky ones but it depends on how you'll feel if you don't try, will you always regret it if you don't?

It's a very personal thing, emotionally, physically, financially, good luck x

Thank you all for your responses.

About foreign clinics, does language barrier cause a problem? Procedures are quite invasive so I worry it may be difficult to communicate?

Yes I think its about accepting the fact that I am sub fertile, and IVF would statistically be best for me. I need to get my head round this though!

A couple of the nurses weren't fluent in English but it was enough to get by. Most of the clinic were though They didn't really speak a lot to me during egg collection but I didn't need them to (they explained everything before hand and I'm sure would have spoken to me if I had wanted it).

The doctor spoke fluent English and was constantly accessible by email. There is no way my NHS clinic would have shared the consultants email address with me so I was massively impressed with this. She answered emails through the entire process (and often just general information nothing urgent)

Hi OP, just a quick one to agree with what others on here have said too, we're the same age and I also felt like you, very sceptical about IVF and worried about the horror stories. I went ahead with it as my husband was so keen, but was very relieved to find it was much easier than I could have hoped. I was lucky and had no side effects until the day before the egg collection. I know everyone's different but I hope you have the same experience and wish you lots of luck.

Thank you for your kind words laurelstar and info blue.

Am going to see a consultant tomorrow and see what they say! Eek!