IVF failure at 40 - advice needed!

[user1483455868]

Hi, I've just joined mumsnet seeking similar experiences about problems trying to conceive. I'm 42 and currently going through IVF. It's miserable. I've never been pregnant because I have had menorrhagia (heavy, prolonged periods, largely unexplained causes) since age 13 and always have to resort to the pill between cycles. Sometimes cysts or fibroids are found, but doctors have not been overly concerned about these, and a hysteroscopy showed my womb is 'fine'. We have been advised to try to conceive with egg donation because of my age. And we had our first cycle over Christmas/New Year. It failed. We are considering our options. This was our second IVF cycle and we've been trying through IVF for one year. Is it too soon to give up and save our money, or have other women of my age, with similar menstrual problems, tried and succeeded through IVF? If so, where did you go and what did you do? Thanks! (BTW: I'm not one of 'those women' who put career before babies or 'who waited too long' - not that I've ever met one of 'those women' - I have desperately wanted kids since my early 20s but life didn't work out that way. And I don't want to say more about that than that! Sorry, just one of the many annoying comments I get from younger women!)

Hi
It doesn't matter why you're doing this at your age-anyone who says that can mind their own! I'm in a similar situation-failed IVF with own egg then I've just had a chemical pregnancy with a donor egg-I'd say don't dismiss the idea as I don't think the NHS fertility clinic (although I had to pay for bloody everything) made us properly aware of the success rate and we were a bit clueless, initially I wasn't keen on a donor egg until my friend said but you're still growing it and you'll still give birth etc and I have no qualms now , my only concern is my age (I'm older than you) but I didn't choose to wait either. Go private if you're not already, the NHS drag their heels too much imo!

Thank you Monkeypuzzle32! Yes, I agree - it's no one else's business what age you are when you're trying to have kids! People are so insensitive about what they say it makes everything I'm going through 100 times worse. I'm sorry that the NHS fertility didn't work for you. We went straight to private as weren't offered NHS. Have completed two cycles at Lister clinic - one of which at their clinic in Spain for donor egg - now waiting for follow-up consultation to negative results and deciding what to do/where to go next. Losing faith it can work and we can only afford two more cycles. :( But I've been told that if I don't think positively then it will definitely not work! ;P

Some people need to remember you just don't know anyone's story so don't judge!
The terrible, unthinking things people say is almost the worst part of the whole scenario-its so hurtful!

I wish I hadn't bothered going to the NHS clinic because all it did was slow me down and its not as if it was free! I know going outside the UK is cheaper but I was only pointed to Spanish and Greek clinics which I didn't want to do as I'm a classic English Rose in looks and whilst its not about the child's looks, I at least want it to try and look like it could be my child! Have you looked at the London Womens clinic but outside of London as they are cheaper? Not sure where you are based?

I know how you feel, but the nationality or looks of a baby didn't matter to me, only that I could have a better chance of pregnancy and a healthy baby. I'm classic English Rose too and was surprised how many women in Spain look similar to me! I guess the disappointing thing is that I hoped the donor egg, because it is from a younger woman, would be the magic bullet. But her eggs actually performed less well than my own! Well, we are seeing our doctor soon to decide whether or not to try again. Haven't looked at London Women's clinic but might give them a call, thanks! :)

maybe you're right-I assumed most Spanish& Greek women were dark haired as all the ones Ive met have been-I think its a control thing more than anything!

I found the is problem was not knowing much about all the processes/procedures, you learn as you go along but the one thing you havent got is time-ironic really.

Let me know what happens-Im going back to the clinic next week and I think we will have one more try-we have 5 more eggs left but I cant go on forever.

Mother Nature didn't play ball with me. Ttc at 33. Finally preg at 43 after 5 private ivf (df has kids in 20's so lost nhs)

Yes I would like to be younger but didn't happen like that

Weirdly enough I also went to Spain for 3rd cycle but used own eggs as always got told I had good eggs amh and fsh

1&2 in uk and I was 40 and 41 and sadly both failed and no frozen

We kicked our wounds and saved again

Researched abroad as cheaper and lost faith in my U.K. Clinic

3rd failed but MADRID got much better results using higher drugs so had 6 to freeze

4 fet failed. 5 fet bloody worked and almost 28w preg and 43

User I am surprised that your donor eggs were worse then your eggs. Do you know the age of your donor ?

Only you can tell if you want to give up or try again and obv money comes into it

Df and I spent £27k in all on ivf uk and abroad. Flights. Era's and cirvical dilation

It was a huge financial struggle and we saved borrowed loans credit card etc

Monkey. You have 5 frozen? From donor? Personally I would have to try till all gone

If our 5th failed we would tried the other 3 in separate cycles as would have always wondered what would have happened

Yes but money comes into it too-I got bugger all from NHS so everything was self funded.

Since the age of 13 ... I was put on the mini pill due to heavy, prolonged periods and unexplained. Moved onto other forms of pill. I am almost 38 now but we paid privately for ICSI at the 92 Harley Street Clinic/Boston Place in London.

Womb normal shape, one tube a little sluggish but not blocked. One cyst during treatment that I believed went in its own.

We had ICSI first round failed, own egg. Frozen failed and then 3rd attempt (technically 2nd ICSI) was successful.

Two eggs put back in each time.

The last occasion I had the endrometrial scratch. Read up a lot about how the womb itself sometimes rejects a perfectly good egg. The scratch heals and turns on receptive that were otherwise switched off!

£200-250 decided it was worth a try, whether it made a difference who knows. I did like the logic behind the thinking though.

Especially after years of the pill.

I also took time off work during the wait: collection and transfer. To allow my body to recover.

It is so hard to know what is just s placebo and what actually makes a difference.

For me I decided my target based job was stressing me out at a time when going through IVF is incredibly stressful.

So time off work, try anything if it means helping me to be positive.

I was often feeling negative. I even started to listen to hippy meditation stuff on my phone.

Such an emotional time and very hard on a relationship.

Other people just don't understand!

Our craziness is inevitable.

I was a research nut.

The first time we was in the long protocol and the last ICSI was when I requested the short protocol. Wanted to feel like we had taken a different approach and hope for a better result.

Good Luck, look after yourself.

I know a few ladies aged 40 and older who conceived through ivf. They have undergone their ivf with PGS NGS diagnosis and got pregnant at the 1st attempt. x

user1483705178

how does that help anyone on this thread? Its rather insensitive

I think user meant to give positive advise. That some 40yr do get preg first try at ivf. Tho it is rare. I have a friend who was 39. 40 before baby born and her first private ivf worked

Tho it is rare but not to say impossible

no one has said you cant get pregnant at 40 on first try but this thread isnt the place to go on about it, nor is posting the same message on other similar threads when its just rubbing salt into the wound.