Am I being pathetic?

[patientlywaiting1234]

Hi all,

My husband and I have had two failed IVF cycles and will be starting our third soon. We have male factor infertility (DH has azoospermia as a result of CF gene and had surgical sperm retrieval). After the first cycle failed, I felt ok about it as I know that many first cycles fail. After the second, I felt pretty depressed for a while, but coped ok. Now, though, I am really anxious about potentially having three failed cycles and how we are going to deal with it. I know I should be thinking positively, but it's hard (perhaps a self preservation thing?).

One of the things that has made my quite anxious is that thought that there might be something else wrong with us, other than the azoospermia. After the second cycle failed, we switched to a new private clinic and they tested my Thyroid, only to discover a TSH reading of 4.1. For IVF, clinics like it to be between 0.5-2.5 and so I'm now on Levothyroxine. When this was discovered, I felt furious that the last clinic hadn't tested my Thyroid but also relieved that my new clinic had and this could explain the failed cycles. So it was a weird mix of emotions. My consultant said that this couldbe why we haven't been successful so far, particularly because everything about our two cycles went well- good fertilisation rate, good quality 5 day blasts transferred, etc. So my husband is feeling positive about the next cycle, when my Thyroid is under control, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up and consequently have gone the other way and feel really negative.

Argh! Not sure what I want to achieve by this post, but it does help to write everything down. Have any of you ever felt like this too?

Thanks all

No you're not being pathetic at all. Anxiety before cycles is completely normal, also between, during and after cycles too.

I was referred to ICSI due to male factor infertility but during treatment found that I also have poor quality eggs, which we weren't expecting. Clinics learn from each cycle, and additional diagnostics can mean that treatment varies as in your case. Thyroid is known to have an impact on pregnancy so hopefully the clinic has cracked the issue.

Prepare for the worst but hope for the best. Good luck xx

Thanks for your reply, Blue- I really appreciate it. My emotions are pretty up and down at the moment... sometimes I feel positive that we've cracked the Thyroid issue and so it should now work, but then I quickly stop myself from thinking that as I don't want to get my hopes up. It's difficult to know what to think/feel.

Do you mind me asking how the clinic found out that you have poor quality eggs? I've stared to think that maybe there is an issue there, too.

Best wishes to you

The mixed feelings are understandable.

The egg quality verdict was based on high numbers of immature eggs that couldn't be used for ICSI.

First cycle 13 eggs, 7 mature, 5 fertilised, no blastocysts.

Second cycle 24 eggs(!), 9 mature, 6 fertilised, 1 blastocyst.

Third cycle 16 eggs, 6 mature, 5 fertilised, 1 blastocyst.

I should add that the blastocyst in my second cycle developed into a pregnancy but sadly ended with a second trimester loss and i am currently pregnant from the third cycle. So however many eggs are collected, it really does only take one.

My husband was taking CoQ10 amongst other supplements as it improves sperm quality but I also found it improves egg quality so I took it too recently.

What makes you worried about your egg quality?

Hi Blue,

Sorry to hear what you've been through- that must have been extremely difficult. It's fantastic that you are pregnant now and I wish you all the best for that.

I don't think there is any reason to assume poor egg quality- I'm probably just being paranoid.... in my last cycle, I got 10 eggs, 9 were mature and 3 made it to blast. Two were transferred and one didn't meet the freezing criteria as my last clinic. So i guess these sound ok?

Thanks for your help- much appreciated!

Forgot to say- 6 of the 9 fertilised

Thank you. I'm only 8+4 so it's early days and I'm also missing my little boy insanely as we should have had a newborn at Christmas. Sometimes things just don't work out how you expect.

It doesn't sound like you have the same issue that I have, you've got good numbers. Hopefully addressing the thyroid means your body is more hospitable for an embryo. Before you start it might be worth asking if there are any other tests that you should do.

Presumably you had ICSI before? Your new clinic may offer advanced techniques for male factor infertility such as IMSI or PICSI (I had IMSI).

Happy to chat anytime, I know it can be lonely when there is no one to talk to IRL.