Regretting a stupid decision

[susarris]

Hello all
My name's Susan. I'm 47 y.o. I am here for an advice
I had cervical cancer a decade ago. There were two treatment modes. Radiotherapy and hysterectomy. My doctor offered me the radiotherapy as there's always a chance it won't affect your ovaries and they won't stop working. Ive never relied on a thought of meeting a wonderful and loving man. And I never cared about children. All that was left for me and all that I desired for was my career. And I just thought if I have no person to have a baby with or even a wish of a child, why would I need my womb? So I had a hysterectomy. God, how stupid! It was such a reckless action on my part. I actually met that wonderful man three years ago. And we want to have a baby now. But he doesnt know that I can't get pregnant. I just couldn;t find the right moment and the right words to tell him the truth! You know it isnt like I forgot about his birthday. And now Im so ashamed of not telling it to him. I dont know what to do. And I dont know how to say that I cant carry a child. I dont know what to do with that either. Please somebody help me..

In the gentlest way possible - surely at 47 he realises the chances of a baby are tiny anyway.

Sorry to hear what you have been through OP.

Have you been trying for a baby? He must realise that at 47 it is difficult anyway.

Does he know your age?

I hope this doesn't sound too blunt but if you're 47, doesn't he realise the chance of you being able to get pregnant is really tiny anyway? I'd be honest with him about your hysterectomy-it wasn't a reckless decision, there's a better chance of getting all the cervical cancer removed if you do a hysterectomy so it was a sensible decision. Just say what you've said here, that you didn't know how to tell him. It will be a relief to have it out in the open. You could think about counselling to help you both come to terms with the fact you can't carry a child.

I'm sorry you're in this position-it's awful not to be able to get pregnant when you want to.

You need to be honest with him at the earliest possible opportunity, it is incredibly damaging to let omissions such as this continue if you want to have a relationship with this man.

But as others have said, 47 is not exactly prime time to have a child, I'd be shocked if he thought having a baby at that age would be something easily achieved, so his reaction may not be as bad as if you were, say, 27.

It wasn't a reckless decision it was a decision that most probably saved your life.

Your chances are slim of successfully carrying a baby to term at 47 anyway. Do consider adopting, there are so many children desperate for a loving home and you both sound like you could provide that.

He thinks a woman can conceive at 47??

I'm quite puzzled by this.
Even if you hadn't had the operation , you're still 47!
Does he really think you're going to get pregnant at 47 ???
I don't mean to be unkind but he must be very naïve.
Put any regrets out of your head, you made the right decision and that has no bearing on this.
My husband and I are unable to have children so I do have some understanding .Maybe you might look into surrogacy.