Feeling desperate

[patientlywaiting1234]

Hi everyone,

I am currently in the two week wait of my second ICSI cycle. I'm due to test on Saturday and have started spotting. I feel instinctively that this has failed again and just feel utterly worn out and defeated. What makes it more difficult is that we were given a 65% chance of success in our first round and a 65% chance of success in this round. Each time we have had top quality blastocysts transferred. I just don't understand why this isn't working for us. If we have just been unlucky for far, I can kind of deal with that. It's the thought that there may be something else wrong. My husband has obstructive azoospermia and sperm was successfully retrieved... we are not aware of anything wrong with the sperm or with me.

This is our last NHS round and then we'll have to look at going private, but I'm not really sure we can afford it. Is there even any point? Do any of you know whether it is normal to have two failed cycles?

I'm not sure what the point of this post is and I'm really sorry for ranting- other than my husband, there's just nobody in the real world who understands this. I have a lot of supportive family and friends, but they just don't 'get it' like some of you might.

Best wishes to everyone else out there in this hideous situation xx

Rant away, it really sucks.

Breathe OP, and try and stay calm (so much easier said than done I know). Try and remember that you've been pumped with hormones and under immense stress and pressure - everything is going to be magnified a thousand times right now.

Try and put the stats aside - the numbers will drive you mad.
Can you distract yourself? Read a book / clean the house / do some work / go for a walk? Unfortunately the waiting is the hardest part but I have my fingers (and toes) crossed for you

I feel for you. It was my 4th icsi cycle that worked, all
Private as NHS didn't cover icsi then. They do say when you go into it be prepared for at least 3 cycles.
All my cycles had different outcomes:
1- biochemical pg so that seemed
2-negative
3-poor quality eggs, no embryos to put back (big shock)
4- switched clinics, had immunological treatment, threw everything at it, travelling hours to the new clinic etc- had twins. Dream come true x 2.

You have only had two cycles it's way too early to give up. But I do describe it as a rollercoaster of hope and disappointment and for me it went on for five years. It is very very hard. Only you can know whether you want to proceed or not. 💐

A doula friend of mine shared a recent article in the Daily Mail about the Stork condom. Here's a link https://www.thestorkconception.co.uk/
Take care & best of luck

It's really hard to know why cycles don't work. I had my son after 6 cycles and the egg quality /fertilisation rate/embryo quality was worse for him than any of the other cycles. My consultant said that the majority of people will get there if they can manage (financially and emotionally) to keep trying.

Also, in terms of patiently waiting, I know we're strongly advised to wait for the official test date but you really can find out early. I bought 100 cheap sticks and started testing really early.

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate you all taking the time to reply. I know deep down that I'm not going to give up, it just feels so hard right now... I'll probably feel better in a few days and you never know, I might still be pregnant.

The TWW really is a living nightmare... you're either going to end up having one of the best days of your life or a devastating day. That's a weird position to be in.

Thank you all xx

Also, HotCrossMummy, thanks for the recommendation, but my husband has a blockage in his tubes so his sperm can't get out, so to speak. I have a friend who is struggling to conceive and might find this useful, so I will show her. Thanks

Please don't panic. The spitting may only be implant bleeding. I had 7 rounds of ivf and I had a tiny bit of spotting on the only one that worked