IVF first timer, almost 40, nervous, hopeful, churning heap of emotions

[GardenDreamer]

Hi everybody...
I'm almost 40 (in December) and I'd love to hear some reassurance about IVF in general, egg collection, the medication (Menopur and Centrotide), needles and whether or not I'll completely lose my mind. Firstly - I know ultimately it will be worth it, let's take that as a given (why else would be doing it?) and although the procedures scare me a bit, it's not really bodily discomfort that scares me... I'm really scared of how the hormones will make me feel (I'm AWFUL with PMT, I really suffer with it) and the grinding WAITING produces a churning set of painful emotions. A small range of emotions is this: wild hope and belief in the process, occasions blessed times of calm, then head splitting frustration and rage that I / we have to endure this, hideous impatience, deepening dismay that the end result isn't certain and it might be all pain for no gain and so on...
I'm not sure if I'm asking for advice here as such (forgive me, but I've got advice being placed upon me at every turn) but really I'm seeking reassurance I suppose. Sorry to sound needy. Maybe if you have any positive tips about the medication if you've had the same then I suppose I'd be grateful actually... If it were a simple case of gritting my teeth to get from A to B then it would be easier, but the destination seems so fraught with possible change and cancellation and, basically, heartache. I feel like I've GOT to be optimistic as people seem to almost suggest that it's up to me to make it work by being positive - yet I know that I'll be destroyed if I fail after being positive- so I feel like being positive is too 'emotionally expensive'
Sorry to go on. I'm low today.
I'm almost 40
I'm on day 1 of cycle today, waiting for day 18 to start some tablets. After 10 days of those and a bleed, I'm on the injections...
I'm UK - first round will be NHS.
Kindness appreciated and positivity welcomed.
Thanks for reading... 😊

I am very much in the same position as you and came on here to try and get some advice for the Cetrotide injections. I am nearly 40, and on my first cycle although we are self funding as we have a DS. I did my first Cetrotide injection last night and it stung like a ***. Due to do next one shortly and feel sick at the thought. Leg injections are a doddle compared to them xx

Hi SleepEatWorkPlay just noticed your reply here (although it was ages ago!!!) just wanted to ask how you are doing??
I'm on Menopur and Cetrotide. Today is day 12 and tomorrow we have our 4th scan - my follicles didn't grow at all in between the 1st and 3rd scan so I'm desparately hoping for news tomorrow...
hope your cycle went well!

The only part about egg collection (both cycles) that I found hard was the full bladder bit - unbelievably uncomfortable!!
I didn't have GA just sedation and I was fine and I am not great with pain at all! Felt a bit sick afterwards but think that was nerves more than anything!
I know others have horrendous experiences at ec and I was petrified about it but honestly it was fine!

Thanks Bitterbum !!! Actually I'll be pretty lucky to get to egg collection stage this cycle as my follicle growth is a bit slow and small (I'm keeping my fingers crossed but not holding my breath) so actually I'll just be so grateful if I get to that stage!!! I'm grateful for the reassurance though, it's honestly much appreciated!!

dreamer how exciting that you're at the start of your journey. Wishing you the best of luck with it. You sound overwhelmed, and that's completely natural.
I personally found it easiest to focus on one step at a time. Need me to take tablets? Ok, l'll do that to you tell me otherwise? Need me to inject? Ok...and so on.

Try reading 'Get a Life' - I found it really reassuring.

Finally, the one bit of advice you'll hear often is to keep your stress levels low. It's almost the hardest thing to do, so start now to work out what works for you. Time out? Time off work? Reflexology or Acupuncture? Netflix & Chill? Whatever it is embrace it!

Not sure if any of that helps, but I hope it does.

garden I had very slow growth during part of my second cycle, no idea why - same exact protocol as the first when i only stimmed for 7 days - it really is so random isnt it?! I dont think you really realise how hit and miss and 'stab in the dark' it all is till you have done a cycle!
I did get to ec though after some tweaks to the drugs so please don't lose hope yet!

Hi glasshalfsomething thank you - I HAVE been overwhelmed, although some days are way worse than others...
relaxing is so hard isn't it?! I've finally taken time off work and I'm hitting the box sets. Get in!!! Wouldn't normally be so lucky as to be able to do that, but it's transpired like that so I am embracing it...
I'm still being scanned daily now, after a slump in growth for nearly a week, it picked up really fast!! Actually looks possible that I'll actually go to Egg Collection and that they will actually find some!!
Thanks for the positive comments, much appreciated 💐

Hi Bitterbum !! Thank you! It's such a weird thing isn't it... Am actually in a final period of growth now, amazing!!! Looks like I could be in for egg collection after all. (Then follows all the OTHER anxieties, what joy! ) Feeling grateful not to be being cancelled, supremely grateful actually...
Thanks again!!