It's over

[MehMehM3h]

We have come to the end of the line...we will never have a child that is ours. Fuck

So sorry meh. Hate this shit.

What are his sperm counts exactly? And what are the sperm grades? Has a micro tese been suggested. My DH had a sperm count of either none or just like 3 or 4. The grade of one of the sperm was B ie it looked normal but swam in a circle instead of straight, the other few were grade C, non motile. Anyway, in the micro tese they cut open the testes and removed the best looking sperm making tubes to analyse overnight. We also did a fresh cycle with it so if they found some they could icsi them straight in my fresh eggs as freezing crap sperm usually kills it. Also there are 2 urologist in London, Dr Ramsey and suks minas who do a new procedure called hormonal testes priming where you take hormones prior to the micro tese to give it the best chance of finding decent sperm, we didn't do this bit. My DH has secondary testicular failure anyway so found fuck all sperm. I can tell you it will get easier, in the week following we nearly killed each other with sadness, anger and everything between. 6 months later we've never been closer and are tentatively considering donor sperm. Take care xxx

I'm so sorry. It's terribly hard. We had 3 cycles of natural IVF with my eggs and after the 3rd one failed (the embryo stopped developing so we didn't get to embryo transfer) I just knew I couldn't carry on with my own eggs. It was just too hard. We took a break and although I was considering donor eggs at that time we just put it all on the back burner for several months to recover and think. If you're (relatively) young and the issue is your husband not you then there's no rush. Grieve and recover before making any decisions about donor sperm, adoption or anything else.

If you think donor conception may be an option for you then I recommend looking at the Donor Conception Network website for information and case studies.

For what it's worth I can't imagine how I could love my second son (conceived via donor egg IVF) more than I do. I always felt that I had 'fallen in love' with my eldest son and that gave me confidence that for me, love is something that grows and develops and not just because a child is genetically mine.

There's no rush. Just look after yourselves and recover from the rollercoaster. In time you'll know what if anything you want to do next including finding fulfilment in a childfree life.

Take care xx

So sorry meh this totally sucks.

Yes there are there other options but you are totally justified in feeling sad and really fucking angry that the option you wanted has not worked out.

Hugs and tears

PS I'll be at the clinic holding my potato later this week if you're around