We can't afford IVF so have we given up? Spiralling!

[Pearlmum1]

We have to full time Jobs, a house and I have a daughter, bit of debt but nothing major. We just don't have the upfront money, loan is risky as I would be paying it back on maternity pay if ivf worked. Then I think...oh my god, we could get into serious debt and still not have a baby! Ivf/icsi just doesn't always work! I believe we have now no option than to give up...but I can't because I'm obsessed and just can't believe it will never happen. I know I'm lucky as I already have DD but my partner is just so devastated as am I.
My partner had multiple hernia operations as a child and they believe that's the reason for his severe low sperm count/motility/morphology/viscosity. Each count has been between 1-3 million...I know there's a bit of hope...but am I just kidding myself and is it very likely that we can't get pregnant ever naturally or If we just keep going for it for years is it likely to happen? I think it's all just so unclear isn't it..I feel I've spent the last 3 years looking for hope and answers!
We've tried those male fertility tablets..forgotten the name..made the count worse, now he won't touch a vitamin!
Any positive stories to add to my wilting hope? Or any clever ways of saving money that I've not thought about...just help meeeee! Haha I don't know what I'm asking for really but I'm sure I'm not alone! Egg sharing is on my mind..has been for ages but the fertility clinic seem to be trying to put me off and the cost is very unclear?

Hi, I don't have any magic advice but just wanted to say sorry you're in this position - it sucks! How old are you, if you don't mind me asking - as that makes a difference? Would you consider IVF treatment abroad as it's much cheaper in general? Hopefully others will have advice ... I'm 39 and gearing up for IVF attempt number 1 for kid 1. I'm not expecting it to work but I'm lucky it's NHS.

I'm 30 so I've got time just not the money! Ivf abroad scares me and im not sure I would get 3 weeks off in a row and I would also feel guilty taking the holiday I would use to be with DD in the summer hols away. Yes I think magic advice is what I'm after. .any winning lottery number predictions would be helpful?! Good luck with ivf I really hope it works..any are you going to freeze some?! Have you been trying for long? It's not much fun is it?!

How about trying IUI first? It's much cheaper.

He could give several sperm samples over a few weeks, upping the numbers and then they the he release of your egg perfectly.

It's lower success rates but only costs about 1K...

Can you not save for a few years? Time is on your side. If you both have FT jobs then sink all you holiday/treat cash into it and even flogging things on eBay can make a difference. Some clinics also have repayment programmes and also you don't pay all at once. I found the whole process took about 2 years so you are paying smallish chunks often.

I had one egg collection and got pregnant on my first frozen cycle - much to our surprise as I am 40! I would not have been willing to keep going as it is so physically hard on the woman as well as expensive. We used ICSI and still have another frostie.

I am so sorry you are facing so many challenges. As RebeccaNoodles writes you might consider ivf abroad (eg ivf costs from 1 500 Euro at a very good clinic in Gdansk), you would find info on overseas clinics and treatments on forums as mumsnet or fertilityfriends. Some couples go the crowdfunding route or eggs sharing. You can read more on
w*w.cbs58.com/story/30914799/couple-starts-gofundme-page-for-ivf-after-struggle-to-get-pregnant Good luck x

I had treatment at reprofit in Brno, Czech Republic - it was far superior to anything I had experienced on NHS and relatively cheap.

My local clinics also do IUI for £500 which also may be worth considering

Oh and you don't need. 3 weeks leave, you can fly out a couple of days before egg collection and return home and fly back for a frozen transfer later

Thank you for all your replies, some really good ideas worth thinking about! Blue 2014..where is the £500 iui..that's definitely worth a try! And 1500 for ivf abroad is a lot cheaper than I realised! Younggirl we will try and save, i think we have a lot we can cut back on! I think every now and then I get a wild, frantic panic moment, I was 3 days late this month and got my hopes up. When AF arrived I was so angry at myself for being so positive and getting excited. I think it just makes the disappointment 100 times worse! I think I may really look into iui and give it a go, I bet they try and talk me out of it at the clinic!

Some clinics offer payment options that give you a 70% refund if they are not successful it's still very expensive though.

At only 30 you have time to save

Hi, I'm in a very similar situation to you. Have a DD (via Ivf), male factor IF, 30 next year……
I'm wondering all the same things as you- do we press on with it or just draw a line under it? So frustrating…

Yeah I hate hope too Pearl, it drove me crazy!

The IUI is at the smaller CARE clinics (try their websites and see if they have a satellite clinic near you, for example Manchester has one in Bolton)

Personally I would probably save for IVF too, mine came to about £2500 (I didn't shop around for meds and they cost me £1000 of that) but I paid for all the additional extras like PICSI (a sperm technique they didn't even offer in the Uk) and that included IcSI, extended hatching and a bunch of other stuff that's additional in the UK. I compared UK to Czech prices and like for like saved £5000

Blue2014 that's so good including icsi! Thanks I will look into it. Lalaloop11 how long have you been trying this time? I think it's very difficult to draw a line under it unless the option is taken away from you through menopause I don't think it's possible to totally give up? I keep wanting to see psychics at the moment etc..going on ridiculous tarot card websites..how crazy is that? It's made me a very different person I have found, i know that if I got pregnant and had a baby I think I would feel likr the luckiest person in the world! I actually can't believe it's so easy for some people because for us it seems like the most impossible thing in the world. A colleague at work was marking the day she would conceive on her phone to tie in with her honeymoon and planning when she would be on maternity leave..as if she was buying a newspaper...It was all just that easy! I felt a wash of rage and jealousy (it know it may not work out as easy as that but I imagine it will). Sorry to ramble on!

Yeah I hate people like that too pearl - I have encountered many of them over the last 3 years.

Oh and for the record, Reprofit (my CZech clinic) got me pregnant, I'm currently 14 weeks. Couldn't fault them and flights are very cheap too!

Aah congratulations! That's really good to hear! I've just been reading about a 'deal' in Bristol...3 goes for 10'000 but if you get pregnant on the first go you don't get a refund for the rest! I haven't got 10'000 but it's good for someone who has as it probably saves a lot?

Pearl we were due to have a frozen transfer (with embryo from 1st cycle) last November but it stopped developing so didn't go ahead 😔
So now we're back to square one!
It's hard as there's been somewhat of a baby boom amongst my friends and colleagues, so totally agree with you saying it's changed you as a person! Feel really bitter and will never get my head around how people just get pregnant, just like that!
Our clinic mentioned egg sharing to me, which would mean I could have very reduced cost treatment. But there's a very real possibility that the eggs I donate would create babies for someone else and not one for me. After being so upset since November I just don't know if I could (mentally) deal with that scenario.
And also i worry as theres so many uncertainties ie- what if this cycle didn't work but they have embryos to freeze? Then I'm back in this cycle of worry/hope/despair.

Lalaloop11 this was my worry about egg sharing too, I would probably say don't do this at the moment, i think I'm going to just bite the bullet and take out a loan, go to the Czech clinic that blue2014 suggested and just pay it of slowly. I'm going to wait until next year though, do some mega saving. Lalaloop11 you sound in the same state as me, don't let it get on top of you, you will get there!

Pearlmum, I wondered about the Czech clinics too but as DH has frozen sperm stored here we wondered whether it would be feasible to transport it abroad? I could imagine some awkward situations at the airport too ha!
Well we had a consultation this week, and had a blood test to measure hormone levels. I haven't ruled out egg sharing completely suppose we'll just take it a step at a time.
Let me know how you get on with the Czech clinic. I'm really keen to try it but hubby thinks I'm mad as our consultant, (we didn't choose him, just got him iykwim) is one of the best (I'm not convinced) xx

If you want to know more about Czech clinics go to the fertility friends website, the ladies there are brilliant.

My partner and I were aware we would have problem having a second baby after he received treatment for cancer. Nhs turned us down as we already have a child together. We can't afford the iui and all the tests that go with it, but we are so desperate for another child. Out first was born at the same time my partners cancer was diagnosed so trying to enjoy our new baby with all the stress of his treatments and illness was so stressful. Now he is cancer free and enjoying life again we really want to experience baby no2. My question is.. Has anyone tried at home insemination? My partner banked before his cancer treatment started and we are thinking about collecting strands and doing trying it at home ourselves. It's our only option at this point in time I just hope it works 😢

Hi, I fully agree with previous posters and also recommend you consider ivf at overseas clinics. If you want to find out more, visit fertilityfriends, eggdonationfriends or whereivf. Good luck

I went to serum in Athens and I can't rate it highly enough. Much cheaper than here but much better service. And I was fearful of time away but it was marvellous. For stats I did 4 here one abroad and fell pregnant but lost at 12 weeks. Went again and got twins. I was fortunate with nhs funding but it was a waste of time for me in this country.

I also have Serum in Athens to thank for my DS.
Penny (the clinic director) is lovely and will do her absolute best for you.
I can't overemphasise the difference in service, commitment and positivity at Serum, compared to the clinic I used in the UK.

Northants - my situation was identical to yours (one child born during DH cancer treatment) our local fertility clinic gave us our unmedicated IUI for free (3 rounds). I did get pregnant but had a mc. Perhaps you could ask your local clinic?