Pre-IVF limbo - anyone else?

[RebeccaNoodles]

Just that really. We're scheduled to have IVF in June. Been ttc for 14 months - which I know isn't that long (she says defensively) but I am nearly 39 and have endometriosis so I'm not getting hopes up. Especially with the stats for my age group.

Part of me feels like detaching from the whole thing - partly as a self-protective thing. I used to feel cheered up by the 'IVF working first time' stories but now they get me down as I don't want to let myself hope ... Agh.

If you met me in real life you would think I was quite cheerful!! Anyone else in a similar boat?! Dreading IVF yet also hoping against hope??

Hi,

I am only having 1 put back in. If it was my choice I'd have 2 back in!

MPP81 your AMH result is bloody marvellous....I am envious.

I am hopeful that if I do need to do it again in the summer we can learn from this round and perhaps do better next time.

I didn't understand it at first, and Google wasn't much help, but some of the ladies over on the ttc for 10 months board helped me out, so I'm pretty happy with it. One less thing to worry about :)

So this is your first 'go' LH? How have you found it so far in general?

Indeed this is my first go. At the Lister.

We only had a first consultation about four weeks ago, and it all moved vey fast. We did my AFC and AMH on that same day and when the 2.8 result came back I didn't even know what AMH was. My AFC was 14 so seems a bit conflicting. As soon as I realised how fast a short antagonist cycle would be, I negotiated with my consultant that I could start a frozen cycle ASAP even though I was going on holiday to the Maldives a few days later. I did not want to wait until my April period as that felt too close to my wedding and very scared to be a bloated hormonal wreck for that.

So went to the Maldives with my giant box of Gonal F 450iu needles, and forgot about it for the first week (sort of). Then two days after my period started I went for a baseline scan in Male (interesting), and results sent to Lister. Then then told me all good and to start injecting.

Despite being on a very high dose of Gonal F I have not found his physically tough at all. I am of course distracted by it and do not feel great, but headaches and poor concentration are my main issues. 3 litres of water a day has helped a lot. I am able to operate and work normally (I have a 20 month old son, this is secondary 'old lady' infertility) - life manageable.

I started stimming last Monday, and then started the Cetrocide injections to stop ovulation in Friday night (I have short cycles so early ovulation was a concern).

Yesterday they confirmed my egg collection for Wednesday (tomorrow) so I did my trigger injection at 11pm last night (along with the other two).

Truthfully I have found this much easier than I expected and 9 days from first injection to collection is nothing. Let's see how casual I am in another 3 or 4 cycles though...

You guys who are younger and with better AMH I believe will first try the normal long protocol which will enable them to quieten your ovaries so when you start stimming your will get lots more follicles all maturing at an equal pace.

With a predicted poor responder like me (age 40 and low AMH) the short antagonist cycle seems to be the choice where no down regulation of my ovaries happens first at all, we just start stimulating. I think they worry if they send my ovaries to sleep first they will never wake up again! The downside of this is that my mature follicle numbers may not be as high as younger women, as follicles won't all develop at same pace. But as we all know it is quality that counts. If this doesn't go well (i.e. No quality eggs) then I am going to start the supplements as recommended in that fantastic book 'It Starts With The Egg'. Many women on here MN have recommended it to me. Three months of these can make a big difference to egg quality.

Yesterday's scan revealed 6 mature follicles all looking good at over 18mm, and a few other smaller ones. Of course I was a little disappointed by the 6, but the lovely team at the Lister were very pleased - especially as all six are of equal good size.

Anyway, all will be revealed tomorrow morning after egg collection and I will let you know! Not sleeping well - been awake since 4.30am!

Ah, youre braver than me, taking everything to start on your holiday, and I can see why you started straight away. Now that it's too late to squeeze one in, im starting to wish we had! I'm a bit of a wimp though, so not looking forward to the whole injecting thing! It's good you haven't found it physically tough, but I imagine it's very emotionally tough, and I hope you are generally ok. Not getting enough sleep must make it more difficult, but with your mind churning, I can see why. This whole secondary infertility thing has given me more than a few sleepless nights! Everything crossed for your EC tomorrow! :)

MPP81 I would not have even considered a go now with your AMH. You are not in a rush, and this way you will hopefully get to do a fresh transfer and freeze some!

If this doesn't work I have the time to sort out my diet, start supplements, and reduce booze. I am sure it is pretty clear that this round has not been very well planned! I am just such an impatient / immediate gratification person, once I knew how short my protocol would be I thought I would give it a shot. If no result I plan to tell myself it was a 'test go', and I have learned lots for my first 'real go' in the summer.

I am more than aware that this seems casual and financially irresponsible, but I have some money saved from the sale of my business a few years ago, so this is just my personal way of doing this.

I think it's quite sensible of you, LH. Im sure you'll get a couple of good eggs from this go, but as you said, if not it's been a good 'test' for you and you'll understand and learn more for the next one. A very good way of looking at it :)

Hello all! Just to let you know that we collected five eggs this morning, and will hear tomorrow how many fertilise. Hopefully a few. Feeling pretty good about it, and it is a relief that the eggs are no longer my problem....

As this is an all-freezing cycle with no fresh transfer, whatever fertilises will be frozen tomorrow, and the growing stage will be done in the summer after thaw. Whatever grows best will be put back in.

If it doesn't work I can then immediately start stimming again in that same cycle. Which makes me feel better....I wouldn't have to wait to start again if any transfer didn't work.....

Brilliant news, LH! Fingers crossed for fertilisation now! :)

Congrats LH, that's a great start! I really don't get all the ins and outs of IVF yet but I understand you've crossed the first hurdle - yay.

MP I saw you have male factor, that must be so stressful. I think we're so much more used to our workings going 'wrong' as women but men find it extra hard. Plus a wedding to plan is a lot. Your AMH sounds great though.

Vixx I understand about wanting more than 1 embryo put back. I dream of having accidental twins :) but I think my clinic, and most NHS places, are against it.

I'm feeling so much more positive now after starting AF. I don't know if it's that i notice it more, or getting older, but ttc now seems to come with a monster dose of PMS. Like 3/4 days where I feel this black gloom of total despair (which was when I started this thread). Anyone else had that?

Thank you guys! I also don't understand the ins and outs but I am happy the eggs are out, and if some fertilise by tomorrow and go in freezer then I can forget about it all until we look to thaw in August.

Rebecca, my PMT is absolutely worse as I have got older. Until last few years I never had any idea I was ovulating, and AF arriving was always a surprise (even tho I am regular clearly a poor memory!). Now just like you I have 2/3 days of feeling dark and my anxiety (pre-existing problem) is much heightened. Within a day of period starting I am all perky again.

Rebecca, my DP has taken it quite hard, but I'm doing all I can to reassure him it's not his fault. Im told that if our only issue is mf then we stand a pretty good chance with ivf as it's the sperm getting to the egg that's the problem, so fx there's nothing else to deal with. As for the PMT, I don't think it's gotten any worse for me, but what has changed since ttc is I seem to get more pain and niggles each month, though that's more than likely down to the fact that I pay more attention to everything 'down there'.

LH, how did fertilisation go? Hope you got good news!

Not great guys....one of the five fertilised normally and one abnormally. The rest didn't. So just one embryo into freezer.

I am ok but naturally disappointed.

Have now caught up with my consultant in detail who has all the reports from Lab. As I have conceived naturally twice before (same man as now) they assumed ICSI would not be necessary. Sperm sample ok.

However the three eggs that didn't fertilise were fully mature and they are surprised so many didn't take. Turns out the sperm circled a bit strangely (some kind of dance!) and didn't make the move they should.

Upshot is that they think we WOULD benefit from ICSI next time - which I find reassuring as at least that is a positive action to take. Of course DP is offended by this feedback and extremely sure it is incorrect

Plan is a new fresh round with fresh embryo transfer in August - as that fits with various commitments of mine. I am impatient but I will have to wait. Hopefully some of you will still be with me then!

I'm sorry that's not the news you were hoping for LH Still, one in the freezer and you have a plan for next time. I always feel better when I have some kind of plan. Fertilisation rates with ICSI look good. That's what's been recommended to us too. Hopefully you and I will be starting your next round together then, in August. Twill be good to be able to discuss it with someone. I hope you're OK.

Very sorry to hear that LH. Hopefully ICSI will work out better. Sperm circling oddly ... Is there no end to things that can crop up? You're being really positive, I am going to follow your example. BTW, I wrote practically an essay about my situation over in Conception, as I felt I didn't explain myself that well in my first post here. (Just in case you wonder where I went).

Fingers crossed for August

Which thread in conception, Rebecca? There's a fab 'TTC for over ten months' thread that I'm on which has some fab people on it. A really friendly group if any of you fancy joining us? :)

I'm ok because I am drunk. Why the fxxk did I have to go through this to find out that the sperm needed some assistance? Why did we not know this before we started? His sperm sample was fine! But now I have invested my hard earned cash and energy we NOW know they need some tail wind. For fxxks sake.

We could have done ICSI this time! But noooooooooooo. Waste of my goddam time. And my valuable ageing eggs. Men and their two'a'penny sperm.

LH, I am really sorry. That is so crap. To have had a good sample and then find out they need help - so frustrating and such a waste. I'm glad you had some wine. Hope you feel a bit better today.

PS thanks MP. I will do that once I'm back from Easter. Thanks for suggesting it - it can feel a bit overwhelming searching around!

I'm sober and less revved up today! Sorry for the drunken rant last night all!

Hi ladies

May I join you? Some of you I know from other threads

We had our second cycle of IVF in January, which gave us a BFP and 4 blasts on ice. Very sadly last week this pregnancy ended in a MMC: we had seen and heard a beautiful heartbeat at 7+1 and 8+5, but at our 10w scan last Monday the baby only measured 9+3 and there was no fetal heartbeat . I had an ERPC the same day - body still thinks I am pregnant as the hCG levels haven’t dropped enough to give me a BFN when I POAS. Never thought I’d be desperate NOT to see a BFP!

We are in limbo while we wait for our follow up with the consultant in 2.5 weeks, to discuss the miscarriage and next steps.

I am minded to do another fresh cycle so that try to get enough embryos to do PGS, and leave our four frosties on the subs bench if possible.

We are waiting for the results of the tissue testing from the mc, to see if that has any answers. Will discuss at the follow up other investigations we should be considering (e.g. hysteroscopy, thyroid) as well as treating empirically for immunes next time we do a transfer.

The limbo is that I don’t know when we will be allowed to cycle again, I know Dr said to wait 3 months (i.e. two natural periods) between stims cycles, but I don’t know about after a miscarriage

If we do fresh+PGS that would be a banking cycle, so we’d have to transfer in a FET. Don’t know how much pregnancy hormones affect the ovaries, so although my ovaries have been ‘rested’ from stims since January, I don’t know if doing a banking only cycle makes any difference to timings

I’m just very eager to have a plan of action. I know we have to wait until I’m emotionally and physically ready to go again, but emotionally it’s the waiting and uncertainty that slays me - I’d go again tomorrow if he gave us the green light

Sorry for massive essay!

Banana I am sure everyone in this thread will feel the same as me: that we would LOVE you to join us. Your are the fountain of knowledge.

Banana - other than it being grossly expensive, and it having to be a frozen cycle, are there any other risks of doing PGS? Given my age and low AMH would it be something for me to consider to ensure we are transferring healthy embryos? How big a risk is there of damage to embryo?

I am truly in limbo.....started my supplements but now I have to wait to do anything else until the summer.

And I am still sulking about my crappy fertilisation rate his week. Next time I am gonna buy my eggs some really slutty underwear.

And one more question: do you happen to know if one could do a PGS / frozen cycle one month (eg July) and transfer best embryos from that batch the very next month (e.g. August)?

Morning lovely ladies
I think I have spoken to you Rebecca in another thread at one point. I am post IVF and hoping for a successful result,but just wanted to offer support,and could well be planning another cycle at the time you are if this doesn't work out. Tempting fate with this one, but flit from feeling confident to the complete opposite.

LH What does PGS stand for? Think its the last abbreviation I cant decipher?
As now know what FRER is, hooray! And quite useful as I will be peeing on one tomorrow
LH -I think you should definitely buy your eggs some slutty underwear, fab idea. I am hoping egg supplements will get you a crop of slutty eggs tho

Banana - I totally understand the uncertainty and waiting for your next step, I had to wait a very frustrating year to start IVF because of needing surgery to remove endometriosis off left ovary and adhesions off bladder and get myself physically fit, with the knowledge of my AMH being 1.2 and needing to lose weight and then latterly the supplements to help with egg quality. Also hassle from moving from Create (who was originally going to cycle with) to a private NHS Consultant who wanted to get my body really slowly. Am sure you ll find your pathway soon and you will get your longed for baby,whilst not wanting to underestimate in any way the loss of your baby.

LH, no need to apologise for the drunken rant! It's completely understandable, and I'm sure it must be bloody frustrating to think the SA was OK and then find out they need a bit more encouragement. Yes to the slutty underwear for eggs. I also like to give DP'S guys a little pep talk sometimes but I'm pretty sure they just roll their eyes at me and go back to drinking their beers and watching the football.

Hello Banana! waves I have actually just messaged you on the other thread too. I hope you find that you don't have too long to wait, and get your next plan in place soon.

Welcome, Ever! Hoping this cycle is the one for you! :)