TTC and a bit lost

[Tazzyduffy]

I am 38 and my husband 41. We have been TTC for 7 months, since getting married and period arrived yesterday. I feel emotionally knocked and so sad.

We made an appt with our GP last month and have had bloods and semen analysis arranged. The GP was very relaxed and said that there was no rush and that it was early days, but I do not feel so laid back. I have looked at a lot of medical information and my interpretation is that given our age, we need to be looking at infertility treatment sooner rather than later.

I know that I am ovulating and have a very regular 28 day cycle (to the hour).

This is putting a strain on our relationship, as my husband is much more laid back and feels we should follow the GP and wait and see, whereas now we are past the 6 month mark, I think we need to be more proactive and consider seeking private treatment.

I desperately want children (more than 1) and feel deeply saddened at the thought that it might not happen.

I would really appreciate any advice/ opinions on what we should do next and maybe how to help my husband and I get on the same hymn sheet!

Thanks ++++

Hi Tazzyduffy, welcome! I would say don't panic yet as TTC is about more than just age. That's just one factor. I think private or NHS the clinic would want to be in possession of all the facts before deciding on a course of treatment so either way you need those blood tests and semen analysis. We are self-funding a second round of ICSI after TTC #2 naturally for 2 years. They still made us do bloods and semen tests just to be sure that nothing had changed drastically.

Is your DH laid back because he's a generally chilled "don't worry about it" person? Or do you think he might be secretly worried about what the tests reveal ie that the problem could lie with him? Men sometimes use these avoidance tactics. I think it is harder for men to talk about fertility problems. My husband was so depressed and fed up in the days after we were told our issue was his sperm that I had to persuade him out of bed and into work each morning. If your DH is the chilled lazy type like mine then maybe taking the lead would be best.

Have the test appointments been arranged yet? If not, can you chivvy them along? Do you know what the waiting times for your NHS clinic are like? I think there's nothing stopping you going back to your GP and saying that you'd like to be referred to the fertility clinic. By the time your test results are back and you have your appointment you will have been TTC for pushing a year.

And if it makes you feel any better there was a woman I met once who'd had DC1 at 42 and DC2 at 46!

Thank you westergille. I have had the first blood test done and am back on Monday for second. Husband has an appt this week re semen analysis.

He is very laid back and I know feeling under pressure. I conceived very easily 3 years ago in a previous relationship, but miscarried at 8 weeks, so think this probably is difficult for him.

I just feel so under pressure time wise and appreciate your reply. Thanks.

No worries. Can I ask are you nearer 38 or 39? Fertility clinics don't even consider you vaguely old until 37 and my PCT (as was) had a cut off date of starting IVF by the time you were 40 so you still have time. Anyway, I'll stop with the reassurances in case I'm making it worse ☺

Let me know how it goes.

Sorry, that was meant to be an ordinary smiley face - not whatever it has come out as!

Hi. We're a bit younger - 33 and 32 but after trying for 7 months with nothing I convinced my DH that we should go and get tested. He wasn't keen and wanted to just see what happened. However I took myself off first to have a (private) pelvic ultrasound at Create which showed everything seemed fine for me and that seemed to make him curious enough to get the semen analysis done. I'm so glad we did because it showed he has very low morphology. It was very upsetting for both of us but testing sooner rather than later has given us time to reflect on our options and try improving his counts by trying supplements before going to IVF/ICSI. I'd go and get yourself done and share your results with him and hope that makes him feel that the responsibility sits jointly with him and then he'll go and get tested. It was about £200 for me and £100 for him - not much for such important information and no waiting for the NHS. (Those tests won't stop you getting IVF on the NHS by the way). Good luck to you and baby dust for us all!

Thank you both for your advice. Husband is going to get semen analysis done, so we are a step closer! I was 38 last week, so just turned!